


Estoy Buscando Melodía

by kiwisandwich (panconkiwi)



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Comedy, Drama, Happy Ending, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:42:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 50,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23530105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panconkiwi/pseuds/kiwisandwich
Summary: Avi had started a new chapter of his life. He was an adult now, with his own adult place and adult responsibilities, and he was planning on getting it right this time. Or hewould have, if the asshole who lived upstairs didn't play his violin so late at night.What was it about its melody that didn't let Avi sleep? And when was the last time Avi had cried this hard over a song?
Relationships: Avi/Johann (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 122
Kudos: 61





	1. Searching

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from [Quién Fuera](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdRsnvz_ZXg), by Silvio Rodríguez. It means _I'm Searching (for a) Melody._
> 
>  **About the tags:** Please heed the **Additional Warnings Apply** tag. All I can confirm is that no major archive warnings will apply, but I've chosen not to tag every possible triggering subject that might pop up in the story. If you're sensitive towards mental health issues, read with caution. And if you're concerned about any specific topic, don't be afraid to [message me on tumblr.](https://avijohann.tumblr.com/ask)
> 
>  **About the rating:** Mostly related to the warnings above, but also, look, these characters are thirsty. I'm sorry. I tried to tone it down but they're just really horny in this fic. There won't be any explicit sexual scenes, but, like, keep it in mind before you read.
> 
> Thanks to [Alice](https://loafwins.tumblr.com) for the brainstorming and support (check her art!), and [Devin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/boldlygoingnowherefast) for beta-reading (check her fics!).
> 
> EDIT: [Check the fic's tag on my blog for fun stuff like art/memes/trivia/etc.](https://avijohann.tumblr.com/tagged/melod%C3%ADa/chrono) (Might contain spoilers up to the last published chapter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avi moves into his new apartment, falls in love, falls in hate, and starts a war.

The new chapter in Avi’s life started on a Sunday.

It was a beautiful summer day, with no clouds in the sky to cover the sun or Avi’s mood. It felt appropriate, almost in a biblical sense. Everything else was left behind when he opened the door to his new apartment and placed a hand on the light switch.

“Let there be light,” and there was light. And Avi saw his apartment, and it was… smaller than he remembered.

A loud thud behind him told him Magnus had finally reached his floor, and if the way he had dropped the pile of boxes was an indication, it hadn’t been an easy climb. To be fair, he did climb up there with four boxes.

“Hey there,” Avi said, “what took you so long?”

“Sorry,” Magnus gasped, “I just couldn’t find the elevator and had to take the stairs. But it’s cool! We’ll just take it on the way down and get the rest.”

Oh. Well. Avi knew he was forgetting something when Magnus asked about the new apartment. “Yeah, about that. This building doesn’t have an elevator.”

“What?!” At least the surprise gave Magnus’ his energy back.

“I told you this building was old! I think it’s, like, my age.”

“You’re not older than elevators! _I’m_ not older than elevators! This place is six stories tall. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.”

“Well, it’s the cheapest place in the center of town. What’s walking five flights of stairs every day if that means saving on transportation _and_ elevator maintenance. And hey,” he tried to joke, “I can skip leg day with all the exercise I’ll be getting.”

Magnus laughed really hard at that. “As if! You’re not getting away from leg day that easy.”

Avi shrugged. “It was worth a try. Now, let’s get going, we still have a shitton of boxes to carry all the way here.”

Magnus whined, so Avi decided to walk down before he started to protest.

“Dude, I’m telling you, it’s a very long trip.”

“That’s why I asked you to help me! Besides, I’m finally moving out on my own, I promise I can’t feel bad today!”

Two trips later, Avi was lying on the floor of his new apartment feeling very, very bad.

“What was that?” Magnus asked from the door. “Something you promised ten minutes ago? About not feeling tired? Huh? Avi? Didn’t you say something like that?”

“I can’t,” Avi gasped from the floor. “It’s too much. Why the fuck did I think moving into a fifth floor apartment was a good idea?”

“The view is really good from here!”

It really was. Neverwinter was a beautiful city. Almost justified how much more expensive it was than Brandybuck. God, he missed Brandybuck.

No, that was a bad thought. Not today. “Okay,” Avi said as he finally got up. “The sooner we get this done the better, right?”

“That’s the spirit!”

It just took them another two hours to pick everything from the truck, between all the stops they had to make to rest, and the box that opened on the fourth floor and spilled everything down to the ground level. Avi’s new chapter in life was having a messy start, but the best stories did, right?

When Avi set down the last box, he clapped to himself. “We did it! Oh my god, I can’t believe we did it!” He sat on a box that was labeled books and prepared himself to fall asleep right then and there. God, he was tired. It wasn’t six in the afternoon yet, but Avi felt like he could sleep for an entire week.

Magnus approached him with a can of beer in each hand. “Giving up already?”

“I think I had a pretty decent victory,” he said, trying to hide how difficult it was opening the can with his tired arms.

“Hm, really?” Magnus said in his totally-not-planning-something tone. “Because it seems to me this apartment is still missing something.”

Avi sighed. “Dude, I already told you, this building has a strict no dogs policy.”

“That’s not what I meant, but you know what? I still think that’s a bullshit rule. People have the right to have pets. It’s in the constitution I’m pretty sure.”

“No, pets are allowed. _Dogs_ are not.”

Magnus looked like Avi had just insulted everyone in his family. Which kind of was the case. He had a lot of dogs. “What?! That’s even worse! What kind of soulless monster would make a rule-?!”

“EVERYTHING GOOD IN HERE?”

Magnus and Avi both took a step away from the door. Standing there was a short, fat and orange Tabaxi, waving his claws in what could either be a greeting or a threat.

“Mr. Garfield! Didn’t see you there!” Avi said with a nervous laugh. “ _Everything_ is great! We just finished moving all the boxes in and now we’re just, you know, chillin’. Like bros.”

The man at the door looked to Avi’s hand, where he had spilled a little beer when he got up.

“ALL DRINKING MUST BE INDOORS.”

“Of course!”

“VERY WELL! IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND MEEEEEEEEEEEEE…” And holding that last word indefinitely, he left down the stairs. The echo of his voice could still be heard when Avi closed the door and sighed in relief.

“Bro, that guy is gonna murder you in your sleep.”

“Not if I don’t try to sneak a dog into the building.”

Magnus scoffed. “Fine. But I’m getting you a dog when you leave this place!”

“I just got here! And I don’t plan on moving out any time soon. This is my home now.”

Magnus’ face lit up, and he spoke in that suspicious tone of voice again. “But, Avi! You don’t even have a place to sleep yet!”

Avi knew this was going somewhere, only he didn’t know where, so he just followed along and hoped it wasn’t something as crazy as infiltrating a dog. “My new bed comes tomorrow.”

“That’s too bad. If only you had something you could sleep on when the bed wasn’t available. And also sit on when you had friends over. And that was covered in dog hair because I couldn’t clean it no matter how much I tried.”

“What?” Avi stared at Magnus in confusion, until the realization finally dawned on him. “Bro.”

Magnus squeaked. “I have a surprise it’s in the truck LET’S GO!”

Magnus was out the door and running before Avi was done processing what he just said. When Avi finally got to the truck, Magnus had already uncovered what Avi had assumed was a bunch of junk. An old, dull blue futon, the one Avi had been crashing on for almost three months.

“ _Bro…_ ”

“Take it home, bro,” Magnus said solemnly, “this old guy has chosen you.”

Avi was on the verge of tears. That sofa knew him in ways no other thing or being did. “But where are you and Julia going to sit?”

“We have a new sofa on the way. Julia was never a fan of the blue to be honest. Besides, I’m gonna need a place to sleep when we have our bro nights, right, bro?”

Avi choked on a sob. “You know it, bro.”

The futon was heavy as all fuck, and the shape didn’t cooperate on the corners of the stairs. Nevertheless, the trip to the fifth floor felt easier than all the ones before it.

***

Magnus left after their very belated dinner. He still had to return the truck to his father-in-law, and Avi had boxes upon boxes to put order to. He still wanted a nap, but most of the exhaustion had faded away after they sat down and ate, and he wanted to make the most of his day before Monday arrived and he’d have to leave everything for the next weekend.

He would end up wishing he’d picked the nap.

It was past ten o’clock when he finally felt at peace with what he had managed so far. All the kitchen stuff, including what he’d need for breakfast in the morning, as well as his clothes and work related belongings.

Avi looked out the window to see if he could catch a glimpse of his job’s building. The entrance was parallel to his apartment, so it was unlikely, but he could swear he saw the top of the train station in front of it.

What he could see somewhat better was the Neverwinter River, even though it was already night, as the coastside was well lit. It still amazed Avi how the light in the city reached every nook and cranny of the streets. It hadn’t been over a year since he’d left Brandybuck, but there were so many things that felt new to him.

Some people still wandered around outside, even on a Sunday night. Now Avi understood the phrase “they looked like ants.” As cliché as it sounded, he could understand why people often said that in movies and television.

He looked up and saw the moon, and nothing else. It was too bright to see the stars yet. Would it be easier later in the night, when more people were asleep and fewer lights turned on? Or would he have to get out of the city, into the unforgiving cold of the mountains to see them again?

For a second, he felt very small.

It was probably the exhaustion. Avi had a quick hot shower to alleviate his sore body, then, finally, laid on his new-old futon for a well deserved rest. He had a great first week ahead of him.

He closed his eyes, and in a minute, he had fallen asleep.

He woke up in two.

“Ugh, what…?”

Even before his brain recognized what he was hearing, the sound of the violin brought him back to the realm of the waking. It sounded close. One of his neighbours must’ve liked classical music.

Avi tried to ignore it and go back to sleep again. At least it wasn’t heavy metal, he thought. He could sleep to classical music.

But it was loud.

So _very_ loud.

Avi got up from the futon and dug around his stuff. One of those boxes had to have a pillow. The music didn’t stop while he did this, nor did it stop when he found it, went back to bed, covered his head with it, and for the next five minutes.

Ten minutes.

One hour.

And the rest of the whole fucking night.

***

“Avi… Aviiiiii… Avi!”

Avi didn’t want to open his eyes, the light was too bright, and he was so comfortable. Where was he again?

“It’s my turn, come on,” Carey said. It was her voice, but just to be sure Avi opened his eyes and saw her looking down on him with little patience. “You said you’re gonna spot me, don’t fall asleep!”

“Hey, no getting out of leg day!” Magnus yelled between squats from the other end of the room.

“Right, we’re at the gym,” Avi said, mostly to himself. He made way from Carey as he tried -and failed- to stifle a yawn.

“You okay, man? You look like shit,” Killian asked when he moved past her to spot Carey.

“Yeah,” Avi said. “I mean, no. I mean,” he yawned again. “Sorry, I didn’t get any sleep last night.”

“On second thought,” Carey said, “maybe someone else should spot me.”

“I’m on it,” Killian said.

Avi gave her an apologetic look before exchanging places. He would’ve protested, to save his dignity, but it was probably for the best he sat out of this one.

“By ‘didn’t get any sleep,’” Killian asked, “you mean none at all? What happened?”

“Did you stay up all night unpacking?” Magnus asked just as he finished his set.

“No, though I wish I had thought of that. At least I could’ve put all of that time to use.” He yawned again, loud and slow this time. God, he wasn’t recovering from this dent on his reputation. “One of my neighbours stayed up all night playing music,” he finally said.

Killian scoffed. “Ugh, I hate when people are like that.”

“I know!” Avi exclaimed. “Like, who does that? On a fucking Sunday night! People work on Mondays! What's this guy’s fucking problem?!”

“And you didn’t call the landlord to complain?” Killian asked.

“Yeah, but I didn’t know which apartment was the music coming from, so he basically told me to suck it up.”

“Thin walls, loud neighbours, crappy landlord,” Magnus started. “You really need to get a better place, man. One that allows dogs.”

“But it’s so cheap!” Avi cried.

“Cheap things can turn expensive!” Carey said. “Learned it the hard way.”

“Like those awful running shoes you had, remember?” Magnus said.

“They lasted exactly one point seven runs!”

“That’s oddly specific,” Avi noted.

“I was measuring the distance with my phone. In the end I spent what I would on normal shoes plus the cheap ones, and that’s gonna happen to you.”

“An apartment is very different from a pair of shoes! And, look, I was aware of most of the problems in the building when I signed. I had a tour that day it rained two weeks ago and almost fell down the stairs with how slippery they got, and the inside of the apartment was very cold, and then very hot when the sun came out, and I even had to talk with the landlord _for a full hour._ ”

Killian snorted. “The way you phrased that makes it sound like the landlord is the worst part.”

“It was,” Avi and Magnus said at the same time.

“But I already weighed the pros and cons, and if you don’t focus on the bad, it’s a pretty decent place to live in!”

Magnus, Carey and Killian exchanged looks.

"The view is really nice,” Magnus added.

“Thank you!” Avi said.

Carey stood up from the bench and stretched. “Okay, sunshine boy, you got this. But you’re still gonna need some earplugs if you want to get a decent night of sleep.”

“I don’t think it’ll come to that.”

***

But come to that it did.

The music asshole neighbour -or just The Asshole, as Avi began to refer to him- played his stupid music every night after Avi moved in, and there was no sign of him stopping any time soon.

No matter how many times Avi called to complain, the landlord kept giving him the same bullshit excuses he gave on the first night. No one else in the building seemed to have a problem with it. Apparently, there was only one other inhabited apartment between the fifth and sixth floor, so Avi was the only one close enough to hear. When he asked if he could at least get the number of the other apartment to go talk to the owner himself, Mr. Garfield blew him away with some cheap excuse of keeping his tenants’ privacy.

Avi still doubted he was the only one bothered by all of it, but asking his neighbours about it was… ineffective, to put it some way.

“A violin?” Mrs. Paloma, an eccentric old lady with a strong accent -Avi was ninety percent sure it was scandinavian- who lived on the third floor, was the first he had thought to ask. He’d had the pleasure to meet her on his first visit to the building and now once more that Tuesday morning.

“Yes, like classical music. You’ve heard it, right? It plays at night.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t know, I’m usually asleep by nine.”

It was expected, Avi thought. He doubted she’d have the hearing to catch on someone playing at least two stories from-

“By the way, have you met the young couple living on the fourth floor? They’re very polite ladies.”

“Ah, I haven’t had the pleasure, actually-”

“They’re interracial too, did you know? A half-elf and a halfling. How times change! I remember back in my day these kind of things were frowned upon, but if you ask me, people my age are terribly dense. Anyway, I overheard them the other day, I wasn’t _eavesdropping_ , but you know how these walls are. Something about having kids. It’s truly admirable that, talking about these things, in my youth ladies like them didn’t have a choice on the matter, you see? Say, Avi, do you want kids?”

“I have to go to work, Mrs. Paloma,” Avi said quickly, and then he ran the rest of the way downstairs. “ _That_ is a part of adulthood I don’t want to think about,” he muttered to himself.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, my boy! Times change!”

“Thanks, Mrs. Paloma!”

He sighed. So much for the elderly’s bad hearing.

Speaking of the young couple from the fourth floor, Avi passed by Hurley and Sloane at the store later that day. They both looked his age, but something about the way they carried themselves made Avi feel he was in the presence of real adults, the kind who have their lives figured out. Of course, Half-Elves and Halflings aged at a slower pace than humans. Avi tried not to think too much about it.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard it,” Hurley said, “but I work late shifts, sometimes I don’t come home until early in the morning. What about you, hun? You haven’t heard anything?”

“I work with headphones on. Can’t motivate myself without heavy metal blasting on my ears, but I don’t want to wake up everyone.”

“Wow, that’s… very considerate of you,” Avi said.

It had been a nice talk. Turned out that both were on their forties, so that was motivating. But in the end, it didn’t help Avi’s cause.

He still knew another person in the building. A guy named Robbie, another Halfling who had seemed nice enough when Avi had met him. He lived on the second floor, which probably was too far to hear if even Mrs. Paloma and her supersonic hearing didn’t know about the violin, but it was worth a try.

“Oh, man, I know exactly what you mean,” Robbie had said without even skipping a beat. “Every night, someone is playing.”

Wow, that had been easy. Avi almost sighed with relief. “Oh my god, I’m so glad to hear you say that, you have no idea!”

“Yeah, dude, is the shit. It gets all colorful and all.”

Avi stared at Robbie for a second. “Colorful?”

“Yeah, sometimes it’s like, a very deep blue, but other times is red. I think one time it was orange but that might have been that Garfield dude making lasagna.”

What little was left of Avi’s hope slowly vanished away. Was Robbie high? There was a weird smell coming from inside his apartment. Or maybe he was just waking up. Avi tried to phrase his words in a way that could be understood, in either case. “Okay. And are any of those… _colors_ like a violin?”

Robbie thought reeeeeeeally hard about it.

“What color is a violin again?”

Yeah, he was high.

In the end, Avi had to buy earplugs to sleep at night, and they worked to some degree, but sometimes the violin would cut through them and wake him up anyway.

***

Things eventually started to affect his work. Avi never knew when he started dozing off, and while at first it only happened in safe situations, like when he was on break or resting between workouts, things started to get more dangerous before he noticed.

“Psst,” Magnus said, “Davenport at three.”

“Huh?”

“Avi! Can you explain this?”

Avi sat up straight and raised a hand to his head. “Yes, captain!”

Magnus gave him a quizzical look. Avi just mouthed ‘I panicked’.

Davenport cleared his throat. “I told you guys you don’t have to call me that,” he said, but by the tone it was clear he liked it. Davenport still talked about his glory days aboard the S.S. Starblaster. “I just received your analysis from the test we ran last Friday.”

“Uh…” Shit, what was it again? Friday, Friday, heat resistance performance. “Oh! What about it?”

“These numbers are too low! Either we just made a breakthrough in heat isolation and are about to win a Nobel, or you are falsifying data, which, let me remind you, is illegal.”

Avi looked at the chart Davenport was holding. Was sleep deprivation finally sabotaging his work? God, he wished his head didn’t spin so much right now.

“… These results are in Celsius.”

Davenport looked at the chart again. “Oh! That they are! Why are they in Celsius?”

“The client specifically requested it because, and I quote, ‘We don’t want to deal with your mess of a measuring system.’”

“Yes, yes, I remember now. Oh, I think we had some measurements in meters and not feet. I’ll have to check again. Keep up the good work!”

Davenport left, and Avi let go of all the air he was holding.

“That was close,” Magnus noted.

“Thanks for the heads up. Shit, how long was I gone?”

“I think I saw you awake five minutes ago, but you were just staring at the screen.”

Avi lightly slapped his face a couple times. “Okay, this was a call for attention. I _cannot_ let this happen in the workshop.”

“Hey, man, if you need a place to stay…”

“But it won’t happen because I’m fine, see?” Avi interrupted him. He slapped himself with a bit more force, which strangely didn’t hurt. “I’m fine, Mags, I’m this close to solving the issue with my neighbour!”

“Are you, though?”

Nope. “Yep!”

“Can you tell me about it?”

“We have work to do, Magnus! God, why does my face feel so warm?”

Avi returned home that day feeling not only tired, but immensely worried. He could survive a day or two at work, take it easy on the gym, but the lack of sleep was starting to affect his mood, and that was a slippery slope. Magnus was right, he had to find a way to put an end to this, but what could he do? Go door to door at night until he found the asshole neighbour?

He was so busy thinking, Avi didn’t notice the person struggling on the stairs until he collapsed against them.

Groceries rolled on the floor.

“Oh, shit, I’m so sorry!”

“It’s fine-”

“Let me help-”

“You don’t have to-”

They both reached for a bag of rice at the same time, accidentally touching each other’s hands. Avi looked up at the same time as the other man, a dark skinned half-elf.

Oh. He was kinda cute.

The moment only lasted a fraction of a second. The man clutched his bag of rice and quickly put it back inside his grocery bag, hiding an embarrassed expression. “Uh, thanks.”

“It’s no problem!” Avi blurted, acutely aware of his pitiful state now that the spell had worn off. It was just his luck he would meet a cute guy when his entire existence was a mess.

The half-elf finished arranging his stuff again and tried to get up, but once Avi took a step back, he noticed the stranger was carrying not only two very heavy looking shopping bags, but also a backpack and a weirdly shaped case.

“Oh, wait, let me help you.”

“It’s not necessary,” the half-elf huffed in a sad attempt at picking everything up again.

Avi didn’t wait for everything to fall again. He grabbed one of the shopping bags and, when the half-elf reluctantly let go of it, quickly swung it over his shoulder. “There you go! I’ll take these to your floor if that’s okay with you.”

The half-elf looked at Avi for a full moment, before saying, “You’re strong.”

Oh. Right! Avi still had a redeeming quality! “Well, these aren’t just for show, you know?”

The other man didn’t say anything.

 _Real smooth, Avi._ He cleared his throat. “I’m Avi, by the way.”

“I’m Johann,” the half-elf said, as he finally started walking again.

Avi contained a sigh. He really had managed to embarrass himself three times before finding out the cute guy’s name.

But against all odds, Johann kept talking to him on their way up, as if nothing had happened. “So, you an athlete?”

Avi was so taken aback by his unbelievable luck, he almost forgot to answer. “Yeah! Sort of! I’m not a pro or anything, just go to the gym in my free time. Lifting weights and stuff. I also work with heavy machinery so that keeps all this muscle mass in use.”

“That’s cool,” Johann said with a flat voice. I just occurred to Avi that _maybe_ he didn’t hate him and just wasn’t very expressive. “Can you lift a lot?”

“Hell yeah! I can bench press two hundred pounds, and I’m working to get that number higher.”

“Wow, that’s heavier than I am.”

“No kidding, I could lift _you_ easily.”

Avi realized what he just said and _immediately_ regretted it.

“I mean, not that I _would_ -”

But Johann laughed. He was actually _laughing_ at what Avi said. And it was the cutest laugh in the world.

“Maybe you should carry all the shopping bags by yourself, if you’re so strong.”

“Oh, right, sorry! I didn’t think-”

“I’m kidding, dude. But I’ll take you on that offer next time I have to do the month’s shopping. There’s only so much lifting these weak musician arms of mine can do.”

“Oh, you’re a musician? What do you play?” Avi asked, too busy focusing on the ‘next time part’ of what Johann had said to really think about it. He was high on this meet-cute bliss with no sign of coming down any time soon. Maybe this awful week was finally starting to turn around…

“A bit of everything, but I specialize in violin.”

There was a crack in Avi’s meet-cute bubble.

“The what now?”

That’s when he finally noticed the weirdly shaped case Johann was carrying, and that the stairs had run out, and they were standing on the top floor of the building.

The crack expanded.

“A violin? You know, like a guitar but small. I play at the Neverwinter orchestra…”

Avi’s bubble broke.

“…And, not to brag, but I’m pretty much the best-”

“ _YOU_ ARE THE ASSHOLE!” Avi exclaimed when his sleep deprived brain finally made the connection.

Johann looked at him like he was out of his mind. “Uh, _excuse me?_ ”

Avi covered his mouth. Did he just yell at his cute neighbour? He just yelled at his cute neighbour. The sleep deprivation was turning him into a _monster_. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. What I wanted to say was: you’re the asshole who’s been playing music _every night since I got here!_ ”

Avi slapped his mouth shut. Oh dear god, he wanted to die.

“What, in the name of the fuck, is your problem?” Johann asked with increasing indignation.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, I’m just really sleep deprived, I’m usually not-”

“I’ve been playing since _way_ before you moved in. I don’t even know who you are.”

Avi stared at Johann in complete disbelief. “Wait, you’re actually _admitting_ _it_ right now?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because you’re a public fucking menace!” Avi laughed, like this wasn’t happening. This definitely wasn’t happening! “Who the fuck plays so late on a work night?!”

“Uh, _I_ the fuck? Not sure if you heard the first time, but I play for the Neverwinter orchestra. And I’ll have you know, _I’m_ the first violin.”

“And that gives you the right to wake everyone up at night? I live right under your apartment and I haven’t been able to get any decent sleep since the moment I got here!”

“And that’s supposed to be _my_ fault?”

Avi was about to let out another rant, but this guy didn’t seem to even comprehend what he was doing was wrong, and Avi was too sleep deprived to deal with that sort of bullshit right now. So he just set the shopping bag he was carrying on the floor, and stormed down the stairs. “I’m telling on the landlord!” Was all he said.

“Boo fucking hoo, dude. Boo fucking hoo.”

“I’m serious!” Avi yelled as he opened his door.

“You’re a crybaby.”

“YOU ARE A CRYBABY,” and he slammed his door shut.

Not even five minutes later, that fucking violin was playing again.

***

“Why did you call him a crybaby?” Lucretia asked.

Avi dragged a hand through his face. “It’s hard coming up with insults when your brain is tired.”

“I see,”

He sighed, “So yeah…” And then he uncovered his face and smiled. “But aside from all of that, everything is good! So!”

“Avi,” Lucretia said in a concerned tone.

“I mean, I finally got my own place! I can cook whatever I want without fear of breaking someone else’s kitchen. And I got not one but _two_ body towels. I’m totally nailing this.”

“I’m glad to hear you’re adapting well to this new lifestyle.”

“Thank you! I really am.”

“But, Avi, you don’t have to ignore your negative feelings. Moving out is a very stressful process on its own, and that on top of everything else must be taking its toll on you.”

“I’m just trying to focus on the good! You told me that, remember? Fake it ‘till you make it.”

“Yes, while you were struggling to see the point in getting out of bed every day. Positive thinking is a tool to help you get through the day. _Avoidance_ , on the other hand, is an unhealthy coping mechanism.”

Avi hissed. “I know, but I don’t like feeling angry all the time either! That whole thing, with the yelling and calling people crybaby, that wasn’t me! It was the sleep deprivation! That sort of stuff is just so… ugly!”

“While I agree it’s unusual for you to lash out like that, you’re still feeling what anyone would in this situation, whether you would normally act on it or not. When we started with these sessions, you told me you wanted to feel everything, the good, the bad, and the ugly.”

Avi looked to the side.

“Do you remember, Avi?”

“Yeah, I do.”

He hoped Lucretia would have another lesson about letting your emotions flow, but she was quiet. Clearly waiting for him to elaborate.

Avi sighed. “If I’m being honest, it makes me really mad. Like, this guy acts like he owns the place just because he’s some big shot in the orchestra or whatever. But, I mean, he lives in the same crappy apartment building I do! How important can _he_ be? And no matter how many times I tell the landlord about it, he dismisses me like it’s not a big deal! And then I asked everyone in the building if they had trouble sleeping but they say they don’t hear anything! Like, are they gaslighting me? Is this entire building just fucking with me?”

“It’s not entirely impossible the sound doesn’t reach below your floor.”

“I just…” he growled. “Argh! It gets on my nerves! How can someone be so inconsiderate? When does he even sleep? And-”

 _Beep beep!_ He was interrupted by the sound of Lucretia’s alarm.

“Sorry, I ended up ranting all session.”

“No need to apologize,” Lucretia said. “I’m glad we could catch this right as it’s happening so you got an easier understanding of your emotions.”

“Yep, all I wanted was to feel things like a normal human and I got what I wanted. Monkey paw wish.”

“It doesn’t have to stay like this, though. Recognizing what you feel doesn’t mean you have to settle.”

“That’s easy for you to say, you haven’t tried to argue with that jerk.”

“If I recall correctly, you didn’t argue as much as yelled at him in the building’s halls.”

Avi coughed. “Fair point.”

Lucretia stood up and offered Avi her hand. “You two started on the wrong foot. Maybe if he knew your situation, he’d be more understanding.”

“Yeah…” Avi said, considering what Lucretia was saying. “Yeah, you know what? That’s a great idea.”

Avi stood up and shook Lucretia’s hand enthusiastically. “You’re right. I have to try a little harder.”

“Glad to be of help. Will I see you in two weeks?”

“Already made my appointment. See ya!”

Yes, Lucretia was right. Avi couldn’t give up so easy on his new life.

There was an electronics store on the way from the doctor’s office to his building, and since he was saving on rent and transport fares now, he could afford a little power to start the day.

***

It was a beautiful Saturday morning and Avi felt invigorated. He got up at sunrise, unplugged his ears, and took in the sound of the birds and faraway traffic with a smile.

He got up, put on his training clothes, combed his hair in a neat ponytail, and blasted his work out music on his brand new amplifier.

Nothing like heavy metal to get the blood pumping!

He started his routine with a thorough stretch, no need to rush these things, no one wants to sprain a muscle on a Saturday morning. Then, a hundred push ups. He tried to follow the beat of the music but some songs were so fast! Well, he had all the time in the world…

A very strong set of knocks called from the door. Avi could barely hear them over the music. Who could it be?

Avi opened the door to reveal Johann, in pajamas and slippers, his hair a mess. “Can you please turn down the music?!”

“What?!” Avi yelled, pointing at his ears. “I can’t hear you, the music is too loud!”

“I’m right in front of you!”

“Let me press pause, just a second…!” And he made a show of pulling his phone from his pocket, opening the music app, and pressing pause. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

“Are you out of your fucking mind? It’s seven in the morning! On a Saturday!”

“I know, and isn’t it a beautiful one? I love to start my workout routine early, gives me that good endorphine shot to start the day. Better than coffee, I’m telling you.”

“Yeah, I get it, you’re super fit and hot, can you just not do that with the heavy metal at a thousand fucking Amperes?”

It didn’t escape Avi’s notice that Johann thought he was hot, but that topic of conversation, unfortunately, would have to wait for another time. He turned his head to the side innocently. “What? Oh! You mean Decibels. Amperes are a measure of electric current!”

“You know what I mean!”

“Woah, someone is cranky! Are you getting enough sleep? That can really mess you up. Trust me, I’m talking from experience.”

And when Johann glared at him, Avi really started to feel those endorphins in his bloodstream.

“This is about me playing at night, huh?”

“Aw, dude, that?” Avi said with the biggest smile on his face. “I completely forgot about that!”

“You can’t be seriously comparing _my_ playing to this overcompensating garbage.”

Avi leaned closer, still smiling, still looking better than this messy, sleep deprived musician. “All I know is that last night, you played music, and I couldn’t sleep, and now I’m playing music and you can’t sleep. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” he pressed play on the music again. “I’m just getting started on my routine and I don’t want to go down on my cardiac rhythm!”

“You’re an asshole!”

“Sorry, can’t hear you over my overcompensating garbage!” And he closed the door on Johann’s face.

Lucretia was right, making Johann _understand_ Avi’s situation had worked great. Now he would think twice before playing that damn violin at night.

It was a good thing it was a Saturday, though, because when the adrenaline started fading and Avi once again felt the exhaustion from a whole week of bad sleep, he wanted nothing but to sleep for the rest of the day.

A nap, God, when was the last time he had taken one? It would mess up his sleep cycle, but it had been a long week and he felt like he could indulge himself just this once. He put alarms through the day so he still could get his meals in time. He wasn’t trying to become an anarchist, after all.

Ironically, he almost forgot to turn off the music when he went back to bed. The loud screams of pain and anger were easier to ignore than that damn violin. Avi considered leaving it on, to mess with Johann for the rest of the day, but he had honestly been lucky no one else had come to complain before Johann did. Better not try his chances with this one.

So, after that was taken care of, he went to sleep, and it was the best damn nap Avi had taken in a long while.

It was cut short at noon by the sound of a vacuum cleaner.Avi didn’t even have to think hard to know who was behind it.

Not happy with that, the awful noise was joined by the dragging of furniture right above his room. The cacophony wasn’t as loud as the violin, but it was annoying, and knowing Johann was doing it specifically to fuck with Avi made him too angry to even consider sleep again.

This was a declaration of war.

***

Avi was already outside the building when Magnus’ car pulled over. If he was surprised to see Avi there, he didn’t show it. What he did show was his concern when he saw Avi’s face. “Woah, dude, you okay?”

“Me? Totally. Never felt better. Did you bring the drill?”

“I did, but I’m having serious doubts about giving you a dangerous weapon in your…” he pointed at everything on Avi’s body, “state.”

Avi rolled his eyes. “I’m fine, man, I’m not going to go on a killing spree with a drill.”

“I was just worried you would accidentally hurt yourself, but now I’m kinda scared?”

“Magnus, seriously, I’m just going to drill some holes in my apartment.”

“Well, I guess that makes sense, but I thought you wouldn’t buy that new shelf until next month.”

“It’s not for that, don’t worry. I just need to make as much noise as possible when my neighbour starts playing his music tonight.”

Magnus stared at him.

“You do hear how you sound, right?”

Avi sighed. “Look, just let me have this? Please? It’s been a really rough week and I just need _one_ victory.”

“Okay, okay.” Magnus handed him the drill, though not without another concerned look. “But please promise me you won’t do anything that could harm you _or_ anyone else.”

“Magnus,” Avi put a hand on his heart, “I promise.”

And when Magnus drove away, he added. “Not any physical damage, at least.”

He climbed upstairs before anyone could see him out so late with a weapon shaped tool.

Avi could be patient when he wanted. He unpacked more boxes, made dinner, catched up on his series, just took it easy for a while. Until the clock struck eleven p.m., and the violin’s song started playing once again. For the first time, he was excited to hear that violin.

He listened to it for a moment, actually taking in the sound. Truth to be told, this guy knew how to play alright. Maybe under other circumstances Avi could have learned to appreciate having a classical musician playing for free in his building.

But alas, destiny had put them on opposite sides of a war, and Avi was going to win.

He plugged the drill and went to t- dear GOD was it loud. Fuck, shit, goddammit! It was hurting Avi’s ears. He forgot to put the earplugs in.

But it was working! He turned off the drill to find his earplugs, but the violin wasn’t playing anymore! He had won!

A knock came on the door only moments later. Avi opened the it with his smugest grin, and said, “Whine all you want, I could be doing this aaaaaall- oh my God Mr. Garfield hi! How are you?”

“MAY I REMIND YOU, GOOD SIR, MODIFICATION OF RENTED PROPERTY IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY CONTRACT.”

Avi looked at the drill he still held in hand and slightly panicked. “Okay, I see what this looks like, but I swear I wasn’t drilling the walls! Look, over there, that’s a stool. I mean, that’s my stool, I brought it here, see? It has holes drilled. I wasn’t going to drill _your_ walls.”

“MAY I ALSO REMIND YOU, _MY ESTEEMED GENTLEMAN_ ,” Avi shuddered, “THAT IT’S ELEVEN AT NIGHT AND ANY CONSTRUCTION WORK HAS TO TAKE PLACE BETWEEN NOON AND NINE PM AS PER OUR COMMUNITY RULES.”

“Yes, you’re right there, I’m totally in the wrong, but I was just trying to drown the sounds of the violin.”

And to prove his point, he shut up and let the violin speak.

There was silence.

“Okay, he’s stopped, but he was playing like five minutes ago. You _had_ to hear it then.”

“ALL THE NOISE I’VE HEARD TONIGHT HAS COME FROM YOUR APARTMENT, _MOST REGARDED-_ ”

“Okay, okay, yes, fair point, but the _violin_.”

“I DON’T HEAR ANY VIOLIN, DO YOU?”

Avi opened his mouth. Then closed it. Then opened it again. “I’m not imagining things.”

“I NEVER SAID SO.”

“Then don’t imply so! I’m perfectly sane! You’re the one gaslighting me! And sorry about the drilling, please don’t sue me.”

Mr. Garfield left, but not before giving Avi another glare down.

God, that guy creeped him out.

At least the violin didn’t start again. Maybe Johann had heard the landlord and decided to wait until he was gone so he wouldn’t get in trouble…

But no, he just didn’t play again. Maybe this would finally be the night where Avi could rest. Maybe his problems were finally over.

He breathed in, then out, and took a step inside his bedroom.

 _Splash_. He stepped in a puddle.

Avi sighed really loud. “Of course there would be something else…”

He looked down. The floor was wet. The floor was wet!

“What?! No, no, no, no, come on!”

He quickly took a step back and turned on the lights. There was a decently sized pool between the room and bathroom, and it was dangerously growing towards his stuff. Avi didn’t have much time to think, he had to unplug everything and put his belongings above the bed, table and sofa to keep them safe. Fuck, and he was almost going to bed without unplugging the drill!

Where was the water coming from? He checked all faucets but they were closed tight, it was like the water was pouring from the walls.

No, not the walls.

The ceiling.

“You’ve got to be shitting me!”

He stormed out of his apartment, not even closing the door behind him. This was IT. What kind of monster flooded someone else’s apartment over a petty noise war?! Well, screw the games and screw the passive-aggressiveness, Avi was about to tell this guy exactly what he was thinking. He was about to knock on Johann’s door-

But it opened before that.

After his initial surprise, Johann seemed almost relieved to see Avi. “Thank god! Take this!”

“What-?” Then Johann shoved a bunch of instrument cases on his face. “What do you want me to do with this?!”

“Take them somewhere safe! Quick! They can’t take the humidity!”

That’s when Avi saw the inside of Johann’s apartment. It was flooding.

“Shit!”

Avi ran to his apartment and back.


	2. Threshold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avi and Johann come to an agreement.

Out of all the possible outcomes to his petty noise war, Avi didn’t expect the one where he ended up sitting on the floor, damp to the knees, outside Johann’s apartment.

The good news was that they managed to carry every instrument from Johann to Avi’s apartment without any casualties. The neutral news was that Avi found the water faucet that broke, but only managed to close it after the water had reached most of the apartment. The bad news was that some of the stuff on the floor was ruined. The worse news was that they had to call the landlord.

“IT SEEMS THE PIPING IS BROKEN.” Mr. Garfield said after inspecting the apartment. He then turned to the two of them and glared in poorly disguised accusation. “I WONDER HOW THIS COULD HAPPENED.”

Johann was the first to get defensive. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Avi coughed. “You did move a lot of stuff around today. You know, when you tried to get back at me for playing my music.”

“Which you did to get back at _me_. Besides, I didn’t mess with the pipes, I just turned on the vacuum while dragging my bed back and forth.”

“Wait, you didn’t even use it as a chance to clean up?”

Johann scoffed. “That’s more effort than I was willing to put on you.”

“Oh, right, because turning on your vacuum and rearranging your furniture _exclusively_ to piss me off is no effort at all!”

“At least I didn’t drill my own walls, which, by the way, is a very good way to fuck up the piping!”

“Okay, first of all, and let the record show, I didn’t drill any walls. I used one of _my_ stools. Second, the piping is clearly broken on _your_ floor-”

“You ruined _your own_ furniture?!”

“GENTLEMEN.”

Johann and Avi stood straight and went quiet.

“I THINK IT’S BEEN ESTABLISHED THAT NONE OF YOU IS TO BLAME FOR THIS INCIDENT.”

They sighed in relief at the same time. At least none of them would have to pay for it.

Mr. Garfield waved his hand like the issue was solved and made his leave. “I’LL GET SOMEONE TO FIX THIS ON MONDAY.”

“Wait, monday?” Johann asked, standing up. “That’s in two days. What the hell am I supposed to do until then?”

“IT’S TOO LATE NOW TO CALL A PLUMBER, AND TOMORROW IS SUNDAY.”

“What about this mess?”

“DO YOU KNOW ANY WATER MAGIC?”

“No.”

“THEN I SUGGEST YOU GET A MOP. GOOD NIGHT!”

And Mr. Garfield left, just like that.

Johann groaned. “Well, only one thing to do now.”

“Which is?” Avi asked.

“Go fuck myself.”

“Oh…”

Johann walked inside in big steps. They had already cleaned as much as they could once Avi had closed the leaky faucet, but it was still messy.

Avi just watched from outside, not really sure if he should leave. “You know, I think Mrs. Paloma from the third floor knows magic, or at least has a mop. We could ask her? I’m sure she’ll be understanding of the hour if we explain.”

But Johann didn’t seem to hear him inside. He had reached his room, and groaned even louder when he saw what was inside.

“Everything okay in there?”

“What do you think? My bed is soaked with all the wet shit we had to put on top of it.”

“Damn.”

“I don’t even know where to start with this.”

Johann sighed, and something in the way he did finally made Avi snap out of his useless haze.

“You know what? You can leave all of this for tomorrow. Let’s go.”

Johann scoffed. “Where am I supposed to go?”

“To my place.”

Johann turned to Avi, confused. “What?”

“We’ll be able to fix this mess once we’ve both had some decent sleep. Come on.”

Avi gestured for Johann to follow him as he made his way for the stairs.

“Wait!” Johann called, still inside his apartment. He walked to the entrance again in those long steps. “Hold on, are you serious?”

“Of course, man. You can’t sleep on your bed in the state it is right now.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s wet, that can’t be comfort-”

“I’m asking why are you just letting me sleep over at your place? You hate me!”

“I don’t _hate_ you. I just think you’re an inconsiderate asshole.”

Johann rolled his eyes.

“… Wait, you don’t hate _me_ , do you?”

“You’re not that special,” Johann said.

Avi sighed. “Look, let’s just press pause for the night? I won’t force you to come with me if you don’t want to, but I really think you should rest.”

Johann looked at Avi with distrust for another while, but in the end, with a sigh of resignation, he agreed.

“Thanks.”

Avi sighed in relief. “No problem, dude.”

They finally returned to Avi’s apartment a little past one a.m.

***

Avi didn’t dream that night, he was way to tired for it, and yet next morning came after what felt like an eternity. When Avi woke up, his mind still immersed in the nothingness of a well deserved black out, the light outside was bright. The sun was way past the point where its rays shone directly through the window.

Avi laid there with his eyes open for a while, not really thinking about anything. He didn’t remember the events of last night at first. Or maybe he did, at least part of him, but he decided to not dwell on it so soon. It was a good day to stay in bed…

Avi got up in the end. He had a guest, after all.

Johann was still asleep in the living room. He had refused the bed, even after Avi mentioned the futon was full of dog hair. Avi was more used to sleeping on it anyway, but Johann wouldn’t budge. Now he laid there, surrounded by the various instruments resting safely on the floor and kitchen bar. He looked very peaceful and calm, in a way that could’ve fooled Avi into thinking this guy wasn’t an arrogant bastard.

Avi decided he could let Johann sleep a little longer. He’d had a rough night.

In the meantime, he put some water in the electric kettle and left to take a shower.

Coming out the bathroom, now that he was fully awake, he started to take in the day ahead of him. God, it was amazing how great he felt after a full night of sleep, he almost forgot how those felt. Too bad he’d had to cancel on Carey, but he was sure she’d understand.

As he got dressed, he thought of ways to take advantage of this energy in positive ways. Maybe he’d do something a bit more elaborate for breakfast, like pancakes. Did he have everything? He was running low on milk, but there should be enough for him and Johann. Oh, but would Johann be okay with vegan pancakes? Avi didn’t even know his dietary restrictions…

“Uh, Avi?”

And speaking of the devil.

Avi peered out the door to see Johann already up, looking confused around his kitchen. “Hey, good morning! Do you need anything? Also, I was just going to ask, do you have any food allergies? Soy, gluten?”

“None, and I just need to know where do you keep your…” He trailed off when he saw Avi.

Avi looked down. Ah, he hadn’t put on a shirt yet.

When he looked up again, Johann was pointedly turned to the other direction. Avi let that inflate his ego just a little bit. “Where do I keep my what?” He asked innocently.

“Uh, mugs. You know. For coffee. Also coffee. Yeah.”

“Second cupboard to the left. Give me five minutes, I’ll make pancakes.”

One shirt and a search around his kitchen later, Avi and Johann were sitting around the kitchen counter, enjoying some pancakes -made by Avi- and a very strong coffee -made by Johann.

“Holy shit, man, do you drink this every morning?”

Johann shrugged. “Keeps me going through the day. Too bitter for you?”

“Not at all,” Avi said, squeezing the splenda bottle into his mug.

“These pancakes are really good, though,” Johann said, “They have a weird texture, but not in a bad way.”

“Yeah, they don’t turn up exactly like normal pancakes, but it’s the best vegan recipe I know.”

Johann scoffed.

“What?” Avi asked.

“Of course you’re vegan.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re like one of those instagram models, preaching a healthy lifestyle, looking perfect all the time. It’s really annoying.”

Avi raised an eyebrow. “You have… a very flattering way of insulting people.”

“Don’t let it get to your head.”

 _Too late_ , Avi thought to himself. “I don’t _preach_ my life, I don’t give a shit if you eat meat or whatever.”

“Nah, meat’s expensive. I only eat instant ramen.”

Avi laughed.

Johann didn’t.

“Please tell me you aren’t serious.”

“It’s cheap and easy to make.” Johann shrugged, like it was no big deal. “I’m a very busy person.”

Avi was honestly and utterly _horrified_. “Dude, do you have _any idea_ of how much salt those things have? You can’t treat your body like that, man, it’s not-”

“Healthy? Why, you have any _preaching_ to do?”

Avi shut his mouth.

Johann smiled smugly at his small victory. It wasn’t like the cute, shy smile from the other day, but it still made Avi’s stomach do funny things. What an arrogant bastard.

He made a mental note on the subject, though. This conversation wasn’t over.

“Hey, listen,” Johann said after he was done with his pancakes.

“Another jab disguised as a compliment?” Avi teased.

Johann didn’t bite, he looked serious. “This has been nice and all…”

Avi only needed those six words to snap back to reality. Right, they weren’t hanging out for fun.

“You have a lot of shit to worry about right now.”

“Yeah, don’t remind me,” Johann groaned. It didn’t seem like he wanted to go back to the real world either, but they had been avoiding the subject for… eleven hours, according to Avi’s watch. “And I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“It’s no problem. You can shower here if you need to, since your pipes are gonna be out of commission for another day. And if you need anything, I’ll be here all day-”

“Listen,” Johann interrupted him, “I really appreciate all you’re trying to do, but I can’t accept it.”

Avi was shocked, if not a little hurt. “Why not?” Not that he expected he and Johann to become friends overnight, but he really didn’t want them to go back to being sworn enemies. Yesterday had been exhausting.

“Because I can’t repay you,” Johann said. “I’m not like you, I don’t know how to fix leaks, or cook something as thanks, or any of that adult stuff.”

Avi was confused. “You don’t have to _pay_ me back. I’m just doing you a favor.”

“So I can owe you?”

“No! Dude, not everything is about giving and taking. Sometimes people are nice for _other_ reasons.”

Johann looked at him with suspicion. “So you _have_ a reason,” he said.

Well… Avi did have his reasons. And Johann knew Avi was thinking about something, because his glare only intensified.

Ah, whatever. He raised his hands in defeat. “Okay, you got me.”

“I knew it,” Johann said accusingly.

Avi took a deep breath, then explained himself. “I’ve had… a couple rough years. I won’t bore you with the details, I’m over all of that already. But it was hard, and I couldn’t have done it alone. When it seemed like my whole life was falling apart, I had the fortune of having friends who supported me through it. The couch you slept on last night actually belonged to one of them.”

“Oh.” Johann’s expression softened. He stole a glance towards the futon.

“Yeah, I crashed on it while I got my shit together… and then I did, and here I am now. But I haven’t forgotten how that feels, you know? When everything comes apart and you don’t know what to do. I guess seeing you in your apartment last night reminded me of that.”

Johann nodded, looking a little embarrassed, probably for glaring at Avi not even a minute ago.

“I’m just paying it forward. Trying to give back for all the good I’ve received.”

“Is this another healthy lifestyle thing?”

Avi laughed. “Maybe. But I’m really not preaching. You don’t have to take my help if you don’t want, I just don’t want you to feel you have an obligation to me if you do.”

It was quiet between them for a little while. Avi finished his pancakes and coffee while Johann thought to himself.

“I guess,” he finally said, “I could use a shower now.”

“Yeah, you smell like wet dog.”

***

Johann left soon after to clean around his apartment and get everything in order for the plumber tomorrow. Avi offered help with that too, but Johann said he ‘didn’t trust Avi with his secrets yet’, which was fair. Avi spent the day cleaning his own stuff, which, between the flood and the boxes he hadn’t unpacked yet, took him a good part of the day.

He was still in a good mood as he worked on that. It was like being back to his real self, and the week he had spent tired and angry on sleep deprivation had just been a bad dream from the past…

But those things very much happened.

And Avi _very much did all of them_.

Something bumped against his foot on his way to the kitchen. The wooden stool he had filled with holes.

_Did he really break his own furniture to get back at Johann?_

Someone knocked on the door, followed by Johann’s voice on the other side. “Hey, is it a bad time?”

“Coming,” Avi said, and he opened the door. Still holding the stool.

Johann’s sight immediately focused on it. “Is that the…?”

Avi threw the stool behind him. “Nope. How can I help you?”

“I need my instruments.”

“Right!” Avi walked to the side to let Johann in, taking the chance to kick the stool further inside the kitchen without Johann noticing. “Everything good up there?”

“Yeah, though I had to throw some stuff out.

“Lost anything important?”

“In theory. Mostly sheet music and stuff, which I need for work, but I can print everything. It’s just going to be a pain finding those files in my computer again.”

Johann picked up his instrument cases one by one. Some were big and bulky, others small but delicate looking, and there were _a lot_. Avi reached to help him, and he felt a little relieved when Johann didn’t stop him.

“Is this it?” He asked.

“Yes. Thanks again for keeping them safe.”

“No problem!”

And then they walked to Johann’s apartment in an awkward silence.

It wasn’t a long trip by any means, but Avi was still thinking about all the things he had done yesterday, and he felt worse with each second that passed.

“So, about yesterday-”

“I know you said-”

Avi laughed nervously. “Well that was awkward!”

An even more awkward silence fell between them.

Avi cleared his throat. “I’ll go first if you don’t mind?”

“Sure,” Johann said. He took to opening his door with one hand while Avi talked.

“So, about yesterday… I might regret some of the weird shit I did.”

Johann raised one eyebrow. “It really took you an entire day?”

“I’ve had a very long week, okay?” Avi said. “I was _very_ sleep deprived, and you were being a jerk…” He stopped himself. No, bad Avi. Give him a real apology. “But none of that excuses what I did.”

Johann opened the door and let Avi go first.

“My point is, this is dumb, and I don’t want us to be perpetually on edge over some petty noise war…”

He looked around helplessly, still holding the instruments. Johann pointed to a small table in the middle of the living room.

“So…” Avi resumed when his hands were free again, “are we cool? Can we start over and be normal neighbours?”

“No.”

Well, Avi didn’t expect it to be too easy. But _really?_

“I still owe you for what you did today, and I don’t like being in debt with people, so I refuse to start whatever it is you think being normal neighbours is until I pay you back.”

Oh. That was. Something? Avi didn’t know if he should feel relieved. “Dude, I said it’s okay? You don’t really owe me anything-”

Johann groaned. “Look, I’m not used to receiving help from people, what you did was really sweet and is eating me from inside, can’t you just ask me to do something for you so we can go back to kinda hate each other’s guts again?”

“Just take it as an apology for yesterday’s shitshow!”

“Avi, yesterday was nothing. You literally just played music loud for one hour and then destroyed your own furniture. You really just inconvenienced yourself.”

Avi… didn’t have anything to say to that. He looked to the side and pretended not to be (more) embarrassed.

“Besides, even if you count that, you ended up doing more for me anyway.”

“Then pay me back by leaving all of this behind! That’s my wish!”

“No, that’s a bullshit wish. Ask for something real.”

Avi huffed impatiently. “You’re not gonna let this go until I ask for something?”

“Yep.”

“And you’ll do _anything_ I ask?”

“Except not letting you ask.”

“Fine, then stop playing music at night.”

Johann looked at Avi like he had just insulted his family. Yeah, he was getting used to those looks.

“That’s what I figured,” Avi said. “Look, you can just forget-”

“I’ll do it.”

Avi did a double take. “Really?”

“No!” Johann exclaimed. “Ugh. Shit. Goddammit. I knew something like this would happen. I hate you so much!”

“You don’t have to do it.”

“I said that I would so I will!”

Johann covered his face with both hands and groaned. Avi decided to give him a moment to himself.

“Okay, but I really can’t do that,” he said after that. “I have a big concert coming up in a week and I need to practice.”

“Can’t you practice in the afternoon after work?”

“I work in the afternoon, that’s why I practice by night.”

“Maybe you could play in the morning.”

“Then when am I supposed to sleep?”

“At night? Like normal people?”

Johann glared at Avi with the intensity of a thousand knives.

“Again,” Avi said, raising his hands, “you literally don’t have to do this. I’m perfectly fine with things as they are right now.”

That only made Johann’s glare intensify. However, he extended his hand towards him.

Avi looked at it with caution. “Are you sure?”

“Just for a week,” Johann said. “And you better have nothing to say when I start playing at seven in the morning.”

“It’s cool, I get up at six.”

Johann sneered in disgust. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

They shook hands like civilized people. Johann clutched Avi’s hand a little too tight, but it was a nice start nonetheless.

“And now,” Johann sighed, “I’m going to sleep, I guess. At night, like a loser.”

“You’ll get used to it!” Avi tried to reassure him.

“I seriously hope I don’t. Now get out of my apartment.”

***

(The new chapter in Avi’s life, take two:)

Monday arrived like it should have last week, with the sun gently peeking through Avi’s window after a well deserved night of sleep.

Avi still felt the week of exhaustion in the way his bones creaked when he did his morning routine, but he was mostly fine. He did his exercises, showered, and made himself a simple breakfast before leaving for work.

When the violin started playing, Avi was taken by a Pavlovian reflect to cover his ears and groan, in the same way one grows to resent their favorite song after setting it as an alarm. Avi figured he’ll have a complicated relationship to classical music for a while.

But after that feeling settled down and he just went along with his day… he didn’t hate it as much. There was a great difference between hearing a recording of classical music and listening live, and Johann was a proficient violinist. Avi found himself captivated, and the melody further motivated him to get on with his day.

On the way out of the building, he encountered Mrs. Paloma. “You were right, my boy. I can hear it now.”

Avi sighed. To think this answer was useless to him now. “Yep. There sure is a violin in this building.”

“Aren’t we lucky to start our days with such beautiful music?” She said. Her eyes were closed as she listened, completely enthralled by it. “By the way, Avi dear, if you’re still having trouble sleeping at night, I know a couple charms I could cast on you, if you come to see me before my bedtime.”

“I’ll pass, but thanks anyways, Mrs. Paloma.”

Avi looked up one last time before leaving that day. He couldn’t see Johann through a window or anything like that, it would be too high. But if Johann was making the effort of waking up early for him, the least Avi could do was wave as thanks.

Getting used to this new routine was surprisingly easy, in an ironic twist. He would never say this to Johann’s face, but now that his playing wasn’t waking him up all night, Avi actually liked it.

Maybe they still had a chance at becoming good neighbours.

Before Avi noticed, their pacted week was almost over. Not because it went by fast. It had been a pretty normal week all things considered. Work was going fine, the shelf he bought online was put up by Tuesday, and he even went drinking with the guys on Wednesday after the gym.

It had been a normal week, yes, but that in and of itself made it a good one. Times like these had felt unreachable once.

But things get better. Avi got better.

And finally, he could say he was at peace.

…

But there was still something eating at him.

***

At exactly six p.m. on Thursday, Johann opened his door to find Avi, holding a hot tray of food with both hands, smiling

his best smile.

“Hey there! I made too much lasagna, do you want some?”

Johann detected the bullshit in his tone right away. “Is this about the ramen?”

Avi dropped the act. “Yes, of course it’s about the ramen. You can’t live like this, dude.”

“Are we seriously still having this argument?”

“You need to eat something with vegetables once in a while.”

“Ramen has vegetables in it sometimes, they’re tiny and salty.”

Avi pouted.

“Ugh, fine,” Johann said in an exasperated groan. “No need to get all cute on me.”

“It worked, though,” Avi murmured to himself.

Johann didn’t have an open style kitchen like Avi’s apartment. The kitchen transitioned into the living room with no walls or furniture, just a small table -which had probably been a desk at some point- sitting in the middle of everything. Johann didn’t have much furniture either, just some shelves, and a lot of instruments placed around in stands of different sizes, as well as a music stand in the middle of everything. Even though they had the same layout, Johann’s apartment gave the impression of being smaller with how crowded it was.

“So, how’s the early bird life treating you?” Avi asked. “Are you liking the natural light? It saves on electricity too.”

“I hate everything about it, but especially the light,” Johann deadpanned. “The morning is the worst, I don’t understand how some people live their lives by day. My body is not made to deal with this.”

Avi just had a thought, was he being insensitive by asking Johann to change his sleep cycle just like that? He didn’t know much about him, but he was a Half-Elf. “Are you… from a nocturnal race?”

“Nah, I’m just not a morning person.”

Avi snorted. “Well, it’s almost the weekend. Only two days more!”

Johann didn’t comment on that. He was a bit hard to read when he wasn’t angry. “You look better, though.”

Avi was taken by surprise. “Huh?”

“Healthier, like, there’s more color in your face.”

“Hah, yeah. Now I’m finally getting my beauty sleep.”

Johann rolled his eyes, probably biting another one of those compliment-insults he liked to throw around. Was he, like, actually into Avi? Was this how he flirted? It was sort of endearing.

“You know,” Johann said then. Avi quickly fixed his posture and looked at him as naturally as he could, just in case Johann could read his mind. “Once the concert season starts, I won’t be playing as much at night as these days. I don’t really do that, like, _every_ day, or for this many hours. My boss just decided to change our whole repertoire this year. He’s kind of an asshole.”

For Johann to be calling someone an asshole, it either meant they were an even bigger asshole, or just a decent person.

“So, yeah, you don’t have to worry about me waking you up every day,” Johann went on. “I still might play once in a while, but I’ll let you know in advance, if that’s cool with you?”

“Sure,” Avi said. “I guess I don’t mind if it’s just, you know, a couple hours some other night. I’ll have to get better earplugs, though,” he joked.

“Does it really bother you that much?” Johann asked. “You know, no one has ever complained about me before.”

Avi found that hard to believe. “Really? Never in your life?”

“Do you not like classical music?” Johann asked, and Avi didn’t know if he was missing the point on purpose or not.

“I mean, I don’t _hate_ it.”

“Have you ever been to a concert before?”

“Not really? I went to see the Nutcracker when I was in elementary school, if that counts.”

“Would you like to attend, then?”

“Sure. I mean, I’m not well versed in classical music, but I don’t see why not…”

Johann was still looking at him, something showing on his face that wasn’t there before. Anticipation.

“Wait, you mean _your_ concert?” Avi said, genuinely surprised.

“Yeah. I mean, only if you want.”

“Yeah! I’d love to, dude! But are you sure I can just go? I know these things are expensive.”

“I have three tickets for friends and family, and I don’t know that many people outside the orchestra, so.”

Avi felt… touched by this. To think one week ago he and Johann kinda hated each other.

“Does this mean we’re friends?” He asked.

Johann was taken aback by that comment. He looked embarrassed. It was adorable. “It means we’re neighbours.”

Avi could live with that.


	3. Spell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avi attends Johan's concert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: Ignoring this chapter, I won't be posting links to the music mentioned for reasons that will be clear next chapter. Don't expect them! I leave the music to your imagination

Magnus worked in the workshop on Fridays. He liked getting there early to get all of his job done as soon as possible, thus kickstarting the weekend a little earlier. When Avi found him that day, he was already covered to the elbows in grease.

“Are you having a fight with that engine?” Avi asked in amusement.

“Yes!” Magnus shouted from under the machine. “And I’m winning!”

“Can you press pause for a second? I have something that might interest you.”

“Is it a dog?”

“No, it’s not- Why do you keep asking that every time I make you guess? The answer is never a dog and you should know it by now.”

“One of these days it’s going to be a dog.”

Avi snorted. “Just come out for a second.”

Magnus’s face was also covered in grease. He had two big stains under his eyes, sort of like warpaint. Avi wondered if that had been on purpose. “Hey, nice shirt!” He said when he finally saw Avi. “Is it new?”

“This one?” Avi looked down. He didn’t really think about his shirt choice this morning. It was just a plain white shirt. “No, I think I’ve had it from…”

Avi stopped and looked up just in time to see Magnus approach him with dangerously dirty hands.

“Actually, yes! It’s new!” Avi rushed to say. “I got it literally today! Please spare this shirt!”

“Nope, too late! You know what happens in the workshop!” And he tackled Avi into a greasy hug.

Avi received his crushing hug with exhausted resignation. “I just want _one_ shirt that doesn’t have grease stains everywhere.”

“Sorry, bro, but you know you were getting this one stained sooner than later, and it’s either me, or an unfortunate splash in the shape of a penis.”

“It was _one_ time. I don’t even use that shirt anymore. Can you let go of me?”

“No, we haven’t hugged like this in a while.”

Avi hugged Magnus back, patted him twice, and only after that Magnus was content enough to let go.

“What is it you wanted to show me?” He said like an excited kid.

“I never thanked you and Julia for letting me stay at your place, so I wanted to do something nice for you. But first, you have to tell me if you have plans tomorrow night.”

“Nothing at all, why? Are you throwing a party?”

“I have something better than a party. Well, not really. It depends on your personal taste- Whatever!” With one hand, he produced a couple of tickets from his pocket. “These are for the Neverwinter Orchestra’s opening concert!”

Magnus gasped loudly. “Duuuude!” He wiped his hands on his trousers and reached for the tickets with extreme care, like he was holding some ancient relic or valuable gem. “Bro, those concerts are mad fancy, where did you get these tickets?”

“One of my neighbours plays in the orchestra.”

“Huh, what a coincidence! You have a lot of musicians in your building.”

“Oh, no, it’s just the one. He gets free tickets because he’s a big shot in the orchestra, or so he says. I guess we’ll be the judges tomo-”

“Hold on.” Magnus stared at Avi. “He’s the asshole neighbour?”

“Yeah!” Right, Avi hadn’t told Magnus the whole story yet. “We’re on good terms now! Funny story, remember how I told you there was a flooding last-”

“All this time you’ve been complaining about a _classical_ musician?!”

Avi looked at Magnus, confused. “Did I never mention that part?”

“No? I thought you were complaining about a rockstar type or something like that?! You said it wasn’t letting you sleep!”

“And it didn’t! It was very annoying!”

“ _CLASSICAL_ music?! Avi, that’s what they play to _make people sleep!_ ”

It only just occurred to Avi that, yes, the whole music business sounded a tad exaggerated out of context. “Okay, I see what this sounds like, but you haven’t heard it, dude. It’s _really_ loud, and _really_ annoy-”

“What does he play?”

Avi considered the best way to say it.

“Avi, what does he play? Is it like, a big trumpet thing? A drum?”

“… It’s a violin.”

“AVI.”

“YOU DON’T LIVE THERE!”

Magnus raised his hands. “Alright! I don’t know your struggles, I’m not gonna judge.”

“Thank you,” Avi said.

“But I’m just saying, I’ve seen you sleep through six dogs barking at the mailman in the morning.”

Avi snorted. “You know what? I do miss your dogs. It’s not the same waking up without Buttercup laying on me.”

“Yeah, she misses the old sofa too. Maybe you guys should have a pajama party, for old time’s sake.”

Avi rolled his eyes, though he’d never admit he’d actually like that.

“Okay, but seriously,” Magnus said, “I’m glad you and the asshole are on good terms now. Do I get to meet him tomorrow too?”

“Probably! I don’t know how orchestra concerts work, maybe he’ll be too busy signing foreheads and taking pictures with his rabid fans.”

“Hordes of high class snobs, crawling all over him like teenagers.”

“Asking him to please sign their monocles.”

Avi and Magnus burst out laughing like the teenagers they never stopped being, with their grease stained clothes and faces.

Magnus was the first to come back from his haze. “We are gonna need to rent suits, aren’t we?”

“Yep.”

***

Magnus and Avi stood at the entrance of the Neverwinter concert hall, perfect hair, suits, shoes, while everyone around them walked in common day to day clothes.

“I told you guys you would be overdressed,” Julia said in an amused tone.

“I don’t regret a thing,” Magnus said. “This is a very important social event and I don’t want to give the Burnsides household a bad name.”

“I do feel a little overdressed,” Avi admitted, feeling his face heat up under the stare of everyone around them.

Julia was crushing it. She was wearing a mid-length dress with a black jacket and hair tied in a loose bun, which could be read as either formal or informal depending on who was standing next to her. She was only doing the both of them a favour by holding onto Magnus, giving their group a little more cohesion than just two crazy guys playing to be fancy. “Come on, I want to get good seats. There’s no point in coming to the orchestra if you can’t see the conductor get crazy on the stand.”

“Picking seats? That’s for peasants.” Avi got his ticket out of his coat pocket and showed her a very important bit. “We have numbered seats.”

Stars sparkled from Magnus and Julia’s eyes. “Ooh, fancy!” They said.

“Remind me to thank this asshole neighbour of yours after the concert!” Magnus proclaimed as they entered through the gates and were escorted to their seats by one of the ushers.

Suddenly, Avi had a very concerning thought. “Please tell me you’re not going to call him that to his face.”

“Me? I would never do that. Not on purpose, at least.”

Oh, he was definitely gonna slip up. Avi was really glad his agreement with Johann was already about to end.

The concert hall was big, more than Avi expected one to be. Rows after rows of red velvet seats reached above their heads in a spiral, until the end was too far for Avi to even discern the ant-sized figures walking over there. There was a big chandelier hanging in the middle of it, gold and silver, accompanied by a set of five smaller lamps. How did the people in the higher levels see anything with that thing there? Couldn’t they just light up the place with magic? It would surely come cheaper than the electricity bill. Or maybe, it was just a display of richness. Look, we’re so fancy we waste energy for the aesthetic. Also fuck the people who get cheap tickets.

Avi and the Burnsides were seated in one of the lower levels, though not on the ground, and thankfully there weren’t any beautifully crafted distractions between them and the orchestra.

“These are really good seats,” Julia said, still starstruck. “Look, we can see the whole layout of the orchestra from here!”

“Which one is the ass- I mean, kind neighbour?” Magnus asked.

Avi squinted in an attempt to find that familiar set of dark curls among everyone on the stage. That is, until he remembered Johann had been kind enough to tell Avi his position at the orchestra only, oh, a million times. “He’s the one on the front row of the violins, with the curls.”

“If I understand orchestra hierarchy, and I skimmed over a Wikipedia article earlier today, that usually means he’s a soloist.”

“He better be! I didn’t lose sleep for an entire week over some nobody.”

Magnus and Julia exchanged looks.

“Look, you’re gonna hear him now and know what I mean.”

“I’m sure he’s just so good you couldn’t bring yourself to fall asleep,” Julia said, only half-jokingly.

Well, Avi would be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to hearing Johann play. To get closure, for one. Maybe hearing the full version of those songs would finally kick them out of his head.

But there was one part of Avi, the one that had gotten used to starting his day with the violin… well, there _was_ something about Johann’s music. He was an arrogant jerk, but not for nothing.

Another group entered their section of the seats, dressed in semi-formal attire. Magnus and Avi looked at Julia with big told-you-so smiles.

She shrugged, admitting defeat. “I guess you were right.”

Ten minutes after that, the fancy lights dimmed, until only the stage remained lit. All conversation died at once. The orchestra was now the only one allowed to make noise.

A man dressed in all black walked to the podium as everyone applauded, so Avi did too. He greeted the crowd, thanking everyone for their attendance and talking briefly about that night’s program. Avi didn’t recognize the name of the composer nor the songs.

The conductor turned his back to the public, there was one last applause, and everyone in the orchestra readied for their cue. [He made a delicate gesture, and the silence was broken gently by the winds.](https://youtu.be/KDJ6Wbzgy3E?t=30) A soft melody, like the air lulling one to sleep. They performed a short introduction, then the conductor gave Johann his entrance.

When Johann played, it was like the violin talked. He imbued it with such emotion. His stance was firm, but the tune was so delicate, gentle even.

Then, the orchestra joined him again, and the song started to take shape. The soft melody became more intense, until what was once a whisper now reverberated through Avi’s chest in a way that was almost overwhelming. All of this, while Johann led the melody, playing with the same precision, but now imbuing his music with a much more powerful emotion. One Avi could now feel in his bones.

“See, this is what I meant,” Avi whispered to Magnus. “Even classical music can get annoying if they play like…”

He trailed off when he heard Magnus snore.

“He fell asleep at the beginning,” Julia whispered from the other side of his seat.

Avi decided to focus on the concert for the rest of the night.

He knew this song, of course he did. After two weeks of going to sleep or waking up to it, you couldn’t forget so easily. Johann’s playing was the same, but having the orchestra behind him added to the song in ways Avi never thought it could. The support of the other musicians emphasized what was already a very emotional piece. To think all of this had been composed by one person…

The concert was divided in three parts, which in turn were divided in… smaller parts. There surely was a word for it. Avi couldn’t tell when one started and the other ended. The music played non-stop. An hour passed, and Avi hadn’t even noticed.

Only when the applause broke was Avi brought back to reality again. The concert was over.

The public got up for a standing ovation, Avi included. Down on the stage, the conductor and his orchestra stood up and bowed, the former thanking everyone again for their attendance. Section by section, the musicians left the stage to be lost in the shadows of backstage.

“Woo, yes, awesome!” Magnus applauded as best he could to save face from his nap crimes. “That was totally classical music!”

“I think the conductor said it was a romance,” Julia commented politely.

“That too!” Magnus cheered as he kept clapping.

“I’m gonna see if I can find Johann before his fans get to him,” Avi said to them. “Meet you guys outside?”

“Sounds good!” Julia said. “Come on, Maggie!”

Magnus was still a little drowsy. He was going to say something but ended up yawning instead.

Avi went ahead. Hopefully he wouldn’t get lost inside this big and fancy place.

***

Jokes about Johann’s adoring fans aside, there were a lot of people gathered around the stage after the concert, though they behaved better than a horde of teenagers.

One of them, some guy dressed in a suit that was fancier than Magnus and Avi’s combined, was shaking the conductor’s hand as he showered him in praise. “It was a superb performance. You’ve outdone yourself again, Kravitz.”

“I’m flattered, Lord Sterling, but I’m just the man who stands in the front and waves a stick.”

The small crowd of fancy people laughed. Oh, ho, ho, just like how rich people laughed in cartoons. Huh, so that was a real thing.

“Of course, none of this would be possible without my musicians. They’ve worked so hard for toni-”

“If it isn’t the star of the show!” The very fancy guy interrupted. He was looking at someone just coming out of the back stage, violin case and backpack ready to go.

Johann acknowledged the crowd with a simple “’Sup.”

The conductor, Kravitz, didn’t break his polite smile, though he didn’t seem as excited as he was moments before. “Johann, we’ve been waiting for you.”

Johann waved like a beauty queen with face paralysis.

“I’m thoroughly impressed!” Sterling said. “Your mastery of the violin is remarkable. You practically stole the show tonight.”

Johan didn’t even seem flustered as the other members of the crowd showered him in praise. He mostly took it all with a polite nod here and there, then said, “It’s a lot of work, but I play to perfection and nothing else.”

Avi shook his head. Good to know Johann was an arrogant prick with everyone. Even the conductor rolled his eyes. The small crowd, on the other hand, nodded in agreement and awe.

Johann took notice of Avi at the back of the crowd, and finally his blank expression changed into something else. Surprise? Didn’t he think Avi would come? Johann excused himself from the very distinguished crowd and walked towards him.

“So you came,” he said instead of a greeting.

“Of course! Who do you take me for? I even brought some friends, since you were kind enough to give me three tickets.”

“I thought you might’ve sold them and seized this chance to sleep while I was playing somewhere else.”

“Huh, I didn’t think of that. So these concerts will be playing for how long?”

“Just Google it, dude, my shift is officially over,” Johann replied with the quick resolution of a man who knew the hell that was retail. “So…” Johann said, “what did you think?”

Johann asked like he knew the answer already. He knew Avi had loved it. But if Johann thought Avi was gonna feed him a compliment like all of those snobs back at the stage, he was wrong.

“Oh my God, dude, it was amazing!” Dammit, Avi was too honest for his own good. “I think I’m legit into classical music now.”

“That was romantic music.”

“I’m already biting down my pride to tell you this, don’t make it harder.”

Johann snorted. “I didn’t ask you to kiss my ass dude, I just asked for your opinion.”

“You knew I was gonna like it,” Avi said in an accusing tone. “You’ve done nothing but talk about how great a violinist you are since we met, and you know what? You were right! Are you happy now?”

“You’re really bad at giving compliments,” Johann said in amusement.

“Like you are at insulting people?”

“Well, I never thought I’d live to see this day.” The conductor approached while they bickered. He was a tall, dark-skinned human dressed all in black. Save for, now that Avi was close enough to see, the details of gold in his hair and lapels. “Johann’s friends and-or family. Aren’t you going to introduce me?”

Johann sighed loudly. “Avi, this is my boss.”

“ _Conductor_ , and it’s a pleasure, Avi. You can call me Kravitz.” He extended a hand towards Avi as a greeting, which Avi was definitely not used to.

“Nice to meet you! And my compliments to you, sir, it was a really good show.”

“Thank you. Are you a fan of romantic music?”

“I am now,” Avi said, making Johann snort again.

“I’m glad to hear that. But, you’ll have to excuse me. You see, Johann here, your…”

“Neighbour,” Johann rushed to say. God forbid Kravitz thought they were friends.

“… Has been invited, as the rest of us in the orchestra, to join Lord Sterling for dinner tonight. You know, to celebrate the start of the concert season.”

“Oh,” Avi held his hands up. “Don’t worry about me! I’m just here to-”

“Actually,” Johann interrupted, “I already had plans to get drinks with Avi and the rest of our friends,” Johann said. “You’ll have to excuse me.”

Kravitz nodded politely. “I see. I’ll give him your regards, then. Have fun!” And he left them to join the fancy crowd again.

Avi raised an eyebrow, giving Johann an amused look. “Drinks with me and _our_ friends?”

“Yeah, uh, I panicked. I really can’t stand those snobs.”

“Huh. I would’ve thought you’d like the attention.”

Johann scoffed. “Lord Sterling and his entourage don’t know shit about music. They just want to be seen hanging out with us because it makes people think they are sophisticated or whatever.”

“Who is he, by the way? The son of a rich guy?”

Johann looked at Avi wide eyed. “Are you kidding right now?”

Avi shrugged. “I’m just some guy from Brandybuck, I don’t know the ins and outs of the local gossip. Not yet, at least, but if you have something juicy to tell…”

“That’s the mayor of Neverwinter.”

Avi almost tripped on the stairs.

Johann laughed, “you really didn’t know?”

“How was I supposed to know?! Wait, did you really reject an invitation from the mayor?!”

“It’s not a big deal, and the guy is a douche. I’d rather spend the night at home.”

And god knew how many important people had been there. Avi was really glad he was dressed formally.

“There he is! Avi, over here!”

Magnus and Julia were standing there, waiting for them. His strong voice could be heard even from the end of the hall.

Avi ushered Johann towards them. “Sorry for the wait!” He said. “Mr. Music here was being crowded by a mob of raving fans and I had to rescue him.”

“I mean,” Johann said, shrugging, “you’re not really wrong.”

“Oh!” Magnus’ eyes lit up when he saw Johann. “You must be the as- aaamazing neighbour who was kind enough to give us tickets!”

Avi gave him a thumbs up.

Introductions were in order, so Avi pointed at everyone in clockwise order.“Magnus, Julia, Johann. Now you know each other.”

“Nice to meet you,” Julia said. “It was a wonderful show.”

“Thanks,” Johann said in that same neutral tone he had when the elite crowd complimented him.

“So!” Magnus said. “What’re you guys up to? Julia says we should get Mexican because it’s buy-one-get-two day, but _I_ think we should go for sushi, since we’re already all dressed up. What do you guys think?”

“Well,” Avi said mischievously, “Johann here was talking about drinks, isn’t that right?”

Johann seemed surprised by that. He looked at Avi in confusion. “Wait, you know that wasn’t-”

“Drinks sound good!” Julia said. “I think I’ve had enough fancy for one night.”

Magnus pretended to think hard about it. “Hm, yeah, it doesn’t sound so bad.”

“Uh, I don’t think I should-”

“Come on, Johann, are you gonna bail on us? _Your_ friends?” Avi asked in a mock-offended tone.

Johann glared at him.

“Yeah, let us treat you!” Magnus said enthusiastically. He heard the word friends and lit up like dry wood.

“It’s the least we can do for the tickets!” Julia chimed in.

Johann looked awkwardly between the three of them, until he finally realized he wasn’t getting away from this very friendly, very fancy group. “Fine. I could use a drink, anyway.”

Magnus cheered loudly, probably too much for the place they were in. Some people around them turned their heads and shook them in disapproval. But that didn’t deter any of their spirits.

***

It was already ten when they finally left the concert hall, but as was expected from the city, everything was still going as if it was the middle of the day. People, cars, and stores. It didn’t take ten minutes for them to find a nice looking bar, though they had some trouble fitting a four people group with how crowded everywhere was. Saturday nights were the soul of Neverwinter’s night life.

For all his initial reluctance to join them, Johann ordered his drink pretty fast. As did Avi, who had been aching for a glass of brandy all week. The rest of their inhibitions quickly faded as the alcohol eased them into a friendly chat.

“So one morning, I wake up to this dude blasting heavy metal through the windows like some sort of possessed fitness maniac.”

Magnus bursted out laughing. “You didn’t tell me it was _heavy metal_ , bro!”

“I was very sleep deprived! And you don’t know what _he_ did after that!”

“How old are you guys?!” Julia asked between cackles.

“Yeah,” Avi and Johann said at the same time, which now made them burst out in laughter.

“And all of this over the same music he was playing today?” Magnus asked.

“Look, not all of us can _fall asleep_ on the first second of the concert.”

Magnus turned red. “Shhh, don’t tell Johann that!”

Johann couldn’t even say anything to that with how hard he was laughing.

“Well, at least you don’t hate each other anymore,” Julia said.

“Who says we don’t?” Avi joked, earning him a light punch to the side by Johann. “Hey, you’re proving my point!”

“That was the plan!” Johann managed to say between gasps.

Then, the fries arrived to their table, and they all calmed down a little. The true power of food, ending all disputes. Avi was pleasantly surprised this bar offered vegan options for their dishes.

“How did you guys even end that silly feud?” Julia said. “I don’t know about you, Johann, but Avi is very competitive when he wants to be.”

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” Avi said.

“It means you’re chill at the gym but a real asshole in _Catan_.”

“I’m not an asshole, you guys are just bad.”

“See what I mean?” Julia asked Johann.

Johann was munching silently on his food, his face unreadable as he thought about Julia’s question. It struck Avi as odd, since there wasn’t really a lot to that incident. Pretty much all of their disputes had ended when Johann’s apartment flooded and Avi let him sleep over…

Ah. Right. That would be a little embarrassing to explain.

“We just, you know,” Avi answered in Johann’s place, “realized we were being children and put an end to it before someone got hurt.”

“A ha!” Magnus exclaimed. “So you were planning on using the drill for evil!”

“Wait, what drill?” Julia said, then suddenly realizing something. “You mean when you drove last week to lend our drill to Avi? That was for this?!”

Magnus told his version of the facts, which was a very alarming retelling of Avi making jokes about murdering people. Avi then told his version to set the record straight. It only led to everyone in the table agreeing that drilling his own stuff was absolutely ridiculous, which, fair. And when Avi and Johann’s story was completely told, Magnus and Julia took the floor to talk about something or another about the dogs, which by that point Avi was too drunk to pay attention properly. He had a pretty vivid image of Johann’s unfairly cute laugh, though.

***

The way home was only real in the sense that it had to happen for Avi to wake up in his bed the next morning. The last time he remembered checking the time it was around one in the morning, but that didn’t stop his biological clock from waking him up at seven, with a nasty headache. The most surprising part was finding out he was wearing his pajamas. Thanks, drunk past self.

He checked his phone for any unanswered messages. Magnus asking if he and Johann got home in one piece, followed by a picture of his dogs sleeping on their bed as his and Julia’s confirmation.

He also had a message from an unregistered number, but there was context enough to tell it was from Johann. Avi didn’t remember giving him his number. Johann thanked him for attending the concert, and the free drinks. Then, another text to remind him that had been the last night of their arrangement.

Ah, right, it was Sunday again.

Avi muted his phone, then put it back on the drawer and let himself fall asleep. It would mess his schedule a little, but if there was a chance he might not be able to sleep that night, he wanted to get enough sleep this round-

_Knock knock._

As he was saying, he was going to sleep all day. He’d had a very busy Saturday, and Sunday was by God’s commandment a day of rest-

_Knock knock knock knock._

Avi covered his head with a pillow.

“I know you’re home!”

“No, you don’t.”

“I can literally hear you. Open the window or I’ll break in myself.”

“Just five more minutes, ple-”

Avi sat up. What was that about the window?

“Okay, then I’m gonna do it. Get cover! I’m bursting in on one, two…”

“Wait!”

Avi almost tripped on a blanket when he got up and ran to the window. He opened the curtains and, after the sharp pain of the light burning his poor eyes, he was greeted by Carey Fangbattle perched on his windowsill.

“Oh my fucking God, Carey, this is a fifth floor! What the fuck are you doing on my window?! Did you climb all the way up?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I walked through the emergency stairs and then I climbed sideways.”

Avi opened the window in an almost panicked state. Carey just climbed inside his room like it was the most normal thing to do.

“Hey, I like what you’ve done with this place! It looked uglier in the pictures. When did you learn interior design?”

“I saw a bunch of videos on YouTube, like a normal person. What are you doing here?!”

“We’re going on a run, remember? It’s Sunday.”

Oh, right. Carey Sundays. She and Avi were preparing for the Neverwinter run in two months.

“Come on, get dressed already. I don’t want to run in the heat of the sun.”

“Can we just leave it for another day? Magnus took us for drinks last night and I’m pretty hammer-”

Carey jumped from the floor and perched herself between the windowsill and the bookshelf, pinning Avi to the corner of the room while also making herself appear taller. “No way! Nuh-uh! You’ve already cancelled on me two weeks in a row!”

“I-I had a flooding last week!” Avi stuttered. “And the one before that I was moving! You know that!”

“Yes, and that’s valid, but it’s been three weeks since the last time we went out for marathon training, and if you don’t get back now, you never will!”

“That’s a very pessimistic way of looking at things, I’m not gonna quit just because-”

Carey reached down until her horns were dangerously close to Avi’s forehead. “What did you ask me when we said we were running this year’s marathon?”

Avi sighed. “To not let me skip on running sundays unless it was an emergency.”

“And is a hangover an emergency?”

“… No.”

Carey jumped off the wall, cheerful as ever. “Good! I’ll wait in the other room while you get ready. We leave in five minutes!”

“Can I at least make myself some coffee for the headache?”

“Only if you want to shit yourself in the middle of the run. Now stop being a baby and just get dressed, you’ll feel better out there.”

He did feel better after their run. Fine, he was being a baby about it, but at least now he didn’t feel like an axe was buried inside his head.

The sun was good for him. In all honesty, he missed the runs while he was settling after the move. The gym was nice, but nothing beat running along the riverside on a beautiful summer day like today.

“Thanks for pushing me,” Avi said to Carey as the two of them rested against the railings. “I didn’t know how much I needed this.”

Carey winked at him, which she only did because she knew he couldn’t. “How’s everything going in your new life?”

“Surprisingly well! It’s been hectic, but aside from that I’m doing just fine now. I even solved my problem with my upstairs neighbour.”

“Oh yeah, Magnus told me you and the asshole are on good terms now.”

“Yeah, and I’d really like if you guys stopped calling him that.”

“I’ll try, but it’s gonna be hard after _you’ve_ been calling him that for two weeks.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s on me. For what it’s worth, his name is Johann, and he’s not such a terrible dude once you get to know him.”

“I see. And is he hot?”

“I’d say he’s more on the cute side? Not classically handsome, but there’s just something about him. Like, the way his hair falls on his face, or when he laughs…”

He only noticed what he was saying when he saw Carey’s shit eating grin.

Avi cleared his throat. “ _Anyway_. We should get back now, it’s starting to get too hot.”

“Too much thinking about Johann it seems.”

“Putting my headphones on, I can’t hear you.”

***

Avi often found himself staring out the window. It helped him think, or it let him distract himself by looking at the shapes of the city in the distance. Whatever he needed to at the moment.

It had been two weeks already, huh?

Avi was finally getting used to thinking of himself as independent, though it barely felt any different from his old life. No, that wasn’t completely true. There was a very noticeable lack of worry, which was nice, but after having that be the base state on his mind, this new status was… well, it was just not-being-worried. Relieved? Yeah, that was the word. It was a pretty neutral emotion.

Which, all things considered, wasn’t a bad thing, but…

It was a process. These things took time. Baby steps. For now all Avi could do was keep going, focusing on living life. He was getting good at it. Cooking was fun, cleaning not so much, but it was easier than it had ever been. That was one of the perks of living on his own, he only had to clean up after one person.

Yeah.

Yeah, he was doing fine. It wasn’t a perfect life, just _a_ life. Avi was fine.

The last light of the day extinguished, and on cue, the violin started playing again. Avi smiled to himself. Well, this also was part of his life now, better get his ear… plugs…

What was this song? There was something about it, though Avi knew this was something he had never heard before. And it made him _feel_.

It was like pure, raw melancholy.

***

Of all the things that come with answering the door late at night, Johann did _not_ expect to find Avi, a mess of snot and tears.

“That,” he said, choking on a sob, “was beautiful.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will be every two weeks from now. See you!


	4. Charm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johann shares his music with Avi.

Avi eventually calmed down.

He clutched his warm mug of tea as Johann patiently sat next to him. If there was a right way to deal with grown men crying at your door at eleven at night, Johann had nailed it.

“Are you feeling better now?”

“Yeah,” Avi said. “The tea helps. Sorry for bothering you this late.”

Johann shrugged. “It’s not like you woke me up or anything. Besides, I think I should be the one apologizing?”

“Dude, no! You have to do the opposite of apologize! That was… it was…” Avi tried to find the right words to describe what he felt, but it was just so hard! Some of these emotions were completely new to him. “It was beautiful. I don’t know what else to say. How can a song be so beautiful? And why aren’t you bragging you moved me to tears? Like, be arrogant, dude! You earned it!”

“Oh, I _am_ going to rub this in your face for the rest of your life. But it just feels inappropriate when you’re still on the verge of bursting into tears.”

“I’m n-not on the… e-excuse me.”

Johann extended a packet of tissues and Avi helped himself to a few before blowing his nose loudly.

“Do you want more tea?” Johann asked.

Avi just nodded.

While Johann was at the kitchen counter, making more tea for Avi and coffee for himself, Avi asked, “So, what was that song?”

Johann seemed surprised by the question. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, I’ve never heard something like this before, though I admit I don’t really know much about classical music. I just want to know the name of the song that made me cry so hard for…” He looked briefly at his clock, “Man, it’s really been twenty minutes already? Sorry, I really shouldn’t be bugging you this late. I swear I’ll leave you alone once you tell me which song it was, or who composed it, and maybe another cup of tea-”

“Okay, first of all,” Johann said, clearly exasperated, “it’s not a song. Songs are vocal pieces. It’s a _sonata_.”

Avi blinked a couple times. “Okay, sorry. Like I said, I don’t know a lot about music.”

Johann sighed and handed Avi his mug again, though his gesture wasn’t as harsh as his attitude. “It’s called _Solitude_ , and… it’s an original piece, that’s why you haven’t heard it before.”

Avi opened his eyes wide. “Wait, _you_ composed this? Like, actually, for real?”

And then, something incredible happened: Johann got flustered after a compliment.

“I don’t just cover other people’s music, you know? Though it’s been a while since the last time I composed something, this one is pretty old.”

Avi was almost too starstruck to find that cute. “Dude, this is some next level shit! You could be the next Mozart, Pavarotti, the Van Gogh of our generation!”

“You know only one of those was a composer, right?”

“Who cares! Why aren’t you famous?”

Johann’s mood soured faster than Avi could even understand what he had said. He looked to the side, not meeting Avi’s eyes when he frowned.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Avi said, mentally scolding himself.

“It’s fine, you don’t know about these things after all.” Johann sighed. “Music is a very competitive field. I’m lucky to even have a stable income working as a violinist.”

Avi didn’t want to believe that. “But… you have so much talent! Have you ever showed this to other people?”

“Yes,” he said bitterly, “but the music world is full of conservative snobs. They care too much about tradition to let anything new in.”

“That’s not fair.”

“The world’s not fair, Avi,” Johann snapped at him. “Not everyone gets to fulfill their dreams just because they wish it really hard.”

Avi flinched at Johann’s harsh tone.

Johann’s frown softened. “Sorry, I shouldn’t take my anger on you.”

“It’s okay,” Avi said. “I guess being a musician is harder than I thought.”

Johann sighed, heavy and long. His whole body seemed to shrink in the chair where he was sitting. “It’s just… really frustrating. I’ve already come to terms with the fact that I’ll never make it as a composer. And honestly, the job at the orchestra is not bad. It doesn’t pay much, but it’s enough to live. I wouldn’t have that if I tried to pursue a solo career.”

“But it’s not what you want, right?”

Johann’s lack of an answer was answer enough. Silence fell between them. Avi’s mug was still warm in his hands. He had a sip.

“If it makes you feel better,” Avi said, “I think your music is the shit.”

Johann laughed. “Thanks. That’s the highest praise a composer can aspire to.”

“I’m just here to tell the truth and cry in your living room,” he joked.

Johann didn’t seem as flustered this time. Even the smallest hint of a smile was starting to form on his mouth.

“Do you have other songs?”

“Yeah, a few…” Johann said. “I could play them for you another day. When it’s not almost midnight.”

“Ah, of course!” Avi said. God, was it really that late? And he had work tomorrow, too, he’d better get going… But Avi didn't feel tired yet. “Could you play that song- I mean, sonata one more time?” He asked. “I promise I’ll leave after that.”

Johann smiled. “Sure.”

The violin rested in the prettiest stand in the room. A small, brass structure, carved with that fancy _f_ Avi was used to see in various musical instruments.

“Uh, this piece,” Johann started to explain, “I wrote it in a very dark period of my life. It’s a little depressing.”

Avi gave Johann a reassuring smile. He could relate to that.

When Johann played, it was like nothing else around Avi mattered. He was enthralled by the melody as it slowly built up with each swing from Johann’s bow. It occurred to him that Johann must have been playing with more than his hands. Avi listened with more than his ears.

A deep, heart aching loneliness washed over Avi. It hurt. But it was… a good pain. Something Avi didn’t even know he could feel. The violin described it better than words ever could.

Maybe Johann really was the best musician in the world, and only Avi knew.

***

_He didn’t have any trouble sleeping that night. Surprisingly he had a dream._

~~~~It was a dream, yes, because he remembered in the morning.

_Everything was a deep, deep blue._

***

Avi couldn’t keep that melody out of his mind.

Whenever he had time between assignments, while a query ran, an analysis compiled, or data was being downloaded, his mind drifted to Johann’s song -err, sonata. Everything would be going just fine, but then, just a thought, an idea of what it was hearing it for the first time, and Avi would feel that heartache again.

It got inconvenient pretty quick.

“Woah, Avi, everything okay?” Davenport asked him when they passed by each other at the coffee machine.

Avi sniffed. “Yeah, it’s just, summer allergies, man!”

Embarrassing moments like that aside, Avi couldn’t bring himself to try and think of something else. It still amazed him how something as simple as a piece of music could be so _powerful_.

He tried to listen to classical music, but it wasn’t quite the same. It was very moving, but none on the level of Johann.

“ _Oh, la, la_ , Mr. Fancy,” Magnus commented when he passed by his desk just as Avi browsed compilations on YouTube. “Looks like someone really liked Saturday’s concert, hm?” he said in a high pitched voice, the one he reserved for teasing.

“It _was_ a good concert, dude. You would know if you had listened to any of it.”

“Hey, I heard _some_ of it, and unlike you, I didn’t have the hots for one of the musicians to keep me interested.”

Oh, _that_ was what the teasing was about. “I can’t tell Carey anything in the privacy of our runs,” Avi sighed in resignation.

“If it makes you feel better, Julia also got a vibe about you two.”

“It doesn’t. And, believe it or not, I do like classical music now.”

Magnus turned his head to one side. “What’s gotten into you? You’re not the type to get into something just for a crush. Remember the movie obsessed guy?”

“He wasn’t _obsessed_ , he just… talked about it eighty percent of the time, and took his camera everywhere, and made references to obscure films in foreign languages, _in_ the language of said films…” Avi shuddered. “That was a dodged bullet. Anyway, there’s nothing wrong with taking an interest in new things! I’ve never had a moment to listen to this stuff, but it _is_ pretty nice, cute guys playing or not.”

“So you admit you like Johann!” Magnus rushed to say.

Avi sighed. “Yes, Magnus, I have a thing for pretentious assholes.”

“Hey, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. Just don’t try too hard. He’s gonna notice if you fake these things just to get close to him, you know?”

Avi rolled his eyes, but he thanked Magnus for advice anyway. It wasn’t like he could fake something like crying, not for Johann, or anyone else.

***

There was a letter in Avi’s mailbox when he got home that night. A polite reminder of his payment for the month. Magnus and Julia were still getting his magazine subscriptions, no matter that Avi had changed his address with weeks in anticipation of the move. But student loans always found you. It really was a relief he didn’t have to worry about transportation anymore.

Steps going upstairs could be heard from outside his door. Johann was home early today.

Avi ran some numbers in his head. He figured there would be no harm to his budget in cooking for two that night.

Johann didn’t even blink when he saw Avi at his door this time. By this point, he was getting used to the many interruptions of his neighbour. He looked down at the pot Avi was holding. “So is this a thing we’re doing now?”

It only now occurred to Avi that Johann maybe wasn’t very keen on having him at his door whenever he liked. “Sorry, I guess it’s getting annoying-”

“No, no, shit, sorry,” Johann quickly said. “I was being snarky because I’m an asshole. I do love your food. Please come in.”

Avi didn’t have to ask where to set up his food by this point, he just waited for Johann to clean up the small table/desk covered in sheet music. Johann just gathered everything in a pile and placed it on the floor.

“You didn’t have a concert today?” Avi asked while Johann set up for dinner.

“Nah, Mondays are our free days. Doesn’t mean I don’t have to go to rehearsals, though. Uh, are flat plates okay?”

“Oh, it’s hot pot, actually, so if you have bowls… though if you don’t, I can bring some from my place.”

“We can always eat from the pot. Saves on dishwasher.”

Avi burst in laughter. “Please tell me you’re not serious!”

“Who knows,” Johann said mysteriously, but eventually produced a couple bowls from a shelf, along with two cups and spoons.

“The more I know about your living habits, the more worried I get,” Avi jokingly said.

“I think you mean _judgy_ , but if it means I get free food I don’t mind.”

“Who said the food’s free?”

Johann stopped midway getting a spoonful of soup inside his mouth. He was confused for a second, until he remembered their conversation yesterday. “Right, I guess I did promise to show you my original work. To think I’d live to see the day you’d come to my door asking for music.”

Avi raised his hands in defeat. “I can admit when I’m wrong about someone. You’re not so bad when you play during decent human hours.”

“Okay, first of all, I’m half-elf, so that’s half-racist.”

Avi rolled his eyes.

“Second, I’m only playing one song tonight. They can get… intense, especially if it’s the first time you’re hearing them.”

“Oh,” Avi said. “Yeah, that’s probably for the best.”

“And I think one meal for one song is a pretty decent price.”

“There it is,” Avi laughed. “Then it’s a deal.”

For that night’s piece, Johann picked up a lyre. It was a small and delicate looking thing. The sound that came from it when Johann tested the strings for tuning was soft and calm, like a dream. But Avi was already suspecting he wouldn’t be able to sleep while Johann played it.

“This one is a bit shorter than the one I played last night. It’s called _Life Back Then_ , and it’s, well, mostly about nostalgia.”

Avi nodded. He wanted to ask if Johann missed his home or his family, but he didn’t really know if it was okay to comment about that. Johann was opening up to him, after all. He decided the best he could do was listen to the music and let it do the talking.

The piece, too, was like a dream at first. It was calm and nice, and it made Avi feel a kind of warmth he hadn’t felt for a long time. Like the safety of the world one takes for granted when he’s a little boy. In his mind, Avi tried to picture how it would be for Johann. Maybe a big yard to play, or maybe an apartment filled to the brim with paper and instruments, just like this one. Or a house in a quiet neighbourhood in Brandybuck, where he could play on the street with the other kids while his parents worked.

There was a melancholic tint to it, like an old photograph faded with time, and the knowledge that what was captured in it was forever gone. Or rather, it wasn’t the same anymore. One could try to go back, take the picture again, but it wouldn’t be the same.

And yet, Avi desperately wanted it. He wished for it, knowing it was out of reach, and it hurt so much. Until the memories lost all definition, and all that was left was an idea of what life once was…

Avi didn’t know when he had closed his eyes, but he only opened them after Johann was done. He didn’t seem affected by it like Avi, whose face was damp with tears.

But Johann must have felt something, how else could he play that emotion so well?

“Do you need a tissue?” Johann asked, slightly amused.

Avi sniffed. “Yes, please. I think all things considered I took this one better than yesterday. It’s more subtle.”

“This is one of the most recent pieces I have. I guess you could say it’s more ‘mature’, in a way.”

“Don’t tell me you think your early work is cringy.”

“Sometimes,” Johann shrugged, “but I still like to play them, so I guess that makes me cringy too.”

He said that jokingly, but Avi wondered. Art like this was deeply personal. If Johann still played them, maybe he felt them too?

Avi wanted to give Johann a hug, but he looked just fine now. Maybe the one who needed a hug was Avi.

“Well, for what it’s worth,” he said instead, “I like both. A lot. And I can’t wait to hear what else you’ve got in store for me.”

Johann gave Avi a small smile. It made his heart melt. “I’m looking forward to more of your cooking, too.”

The feeling of nostalgia didn’t leave Avi for the rest of the night, even as he went back to his apartment, prepared lunch for the next day, and arranged his stuff to sleep.

Just as he was going to bed, an acute homesickness invaded him. He’d been thinking about Brandybuck for some time, but Johann’s music had such a strong effect on him, it made him think about his family.

Avi lay on his bed for a while, not really feeling tired. It wasn’t that late, anyway.

His phone was on the drawer next to his head, the screen turned down. Before he could convince himself otherwise, he picked it up and texted his parents.

***

There was a before and after to listening to Johann’s music, though Avi couldn’t really pinpoint what exactly, but the days following, he felt… well, he didn’t feel more _alive_ , because that would imply he had felt like death before, and really, he had been doing fine even before he met Johann.

And yet, life changed. He looked at the world around him with different eyes. Or rather, different ears. He heard the birds singing in the morning and a sudden urge to cry invaded him, like he was listening to their songs for the first time in so long. How could something as simple as birds stay the same when everything else changed?

Johann’s schedule didn’t allow him to play for Avi on the days that followed, and with each day that passed, Avi felt the effects of his music slowly fade. He tried to fill the void with more classical music. It helped, it was really good music, but…

“It’s not the same,” Lucretia finished for him.

“Yeah,” Avi agreed. “Yeah, it just feels different.”

Lucretia took the news of his truce with Johann with good humor, although she expressed concern at Avi’s actions the day of the flooding. She gave Avi a prescription for sleeping pills, which, fair. Avi was a monster when he didn’t get enough sleep.

Back to the present, Avi was still amazed at how much had changed between him and Johann. “I feel like a teen who just discovered his favorite band and I have to wait for a new album to drop, only I can’t relisten to the old ones because there’s no records of them. He doesn’t have a Soundcloud or anything.”

“Couldn’t you record it on your phone?”

“I’ve thought about that, but…” Avi shrugged. “I don’t know, it feels like cheating? I know paying in food is only a step above paying in exposure, but it’s a form of support, right? Recording would be like illegally downloading it.”

“That’s an interesting analogy,” Lucretia said, quickly writing something down.

“Patient has an internet addiction?” Avi joked.

“Patient still struggles with guilt,” she corrected gently.

Avi decided not to comment on that. “Anyway, I’m just,” he gesticulated wildly, as if those nonsense movements could express better what he was thinking. “You know?”

“Yes, Avi, I know.”

“I just can’t wrap my head around it, Lucretia. It… it made me cry.”

That did surprise her. Lucretia put the pen and notepad down and leaned against her desk. “Really?”

“Yeah! Like, real, physical tears! From my own eyes! Rolling down my face! I don’t even remember the last time I did that. And I know I sound like a boy with a crush when I talk about him. I do like Johann. He’s cute, and fun, and thoughtful, even when he’s trying to pretend he’s not.

“But what I feel for his _work_ is… it’s on a whole new level. It’s like I get to feel emotions I don’t have access to when he plays for me. His music makes me feel honestly, truly _sad_ sometimes, but I like it _because_ of it. Is that weird? That I like being sad?”

“Not at all, and especially not in your case. There’s a reason tragedy was one of the first genres represented in art. It’s cathartic, helps us process our own emotions. Just remember to do your own work. Are you still going to the gym?”

“Yes, and I’m also back on my Sunday runs.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” she said. Then, she added, “I’m honestly surprised, though, for Johann’s music to have that effect on you, without the added value of a visual or narrative medium, he must be really good.”

“No joke, he’s the first violin at the Neverwinter Orchestra. A fact that he reminds me of constantly, by the way.”

“If that’s the case, then maybe I’ll attend one of his concerts too.”

“Or maybe you could…” Avi said, but he decided to backtrack almost right away.

“Come on, you know I won’t judge.”

“I was gonna suggest I could record him for you.”

Lucretia smiled. “But I thought that was cheating?”

“Yeah! … But I also really want you to listen! I swear I haven’t done it justice. You need to listen for yourself!”

“I would love to, as long as he agrees to be recorded.”

“Consent first,” Avi said solemnly.

“And hopefully this will help you feel less guilty about having recordings of his music, but something tells me you won’t settle for less than the real thing, since you enjoy his company as much as his music.”

Avi blushed. “Fair enough,” he said.

“We’re almost done today, and as much as I enjoy gossiping about crushes, I have to ask if there’s anything else you want to mention before you go.”

Avi thought for a moment. There was something he had meant to bring up earlier, but he got lost in all his Johann rambling.

“I texted my parents the other day.”

Lucretia’s smile faded. “Go on.”

“That’s it. They haven’t answered yet. And it wasn’t, like, a big text or anything, just a ‘how are you’, ‘im fine’, ‘I just moved’, ‘regards to the family’ type of text.”

“What pushed you to do it?”

Avi smiled. “Would you believe me if I told you it was one of Johann’s pieces?”

Lucretia thought about this for a while, nodding to herself. “Now I really want to hear those recordings.”

“I’ll get them as soon as I can,” Avi said as he got up to leave.

“And don’t forget to pick up your new prescription,” Lucretia reminded him.

“I’ll get to it now. See you in two weeks!”

***

Avi was in a good mood when he got home that day, as he had been more and more lately. It was Friday, life was always easier on Fridays.

Maybe he could hit up Johann tonight, since he didn’t have work tomorrow. He was about to text him, but he didn’t get to open the messaging up when an incoming call took over .

Avi stared at the screen for a moment, not really registering what was happening at first. His phone buzzed three times before he snapped out of it and answered.

“Hey, mom.”

“ _Took you long enough to pick up_.”

“Sorry, I was doing the dishes. Had to dry my hands before-”

“ _So you finally found a job,_ ” she cut him off in a barely pleased tone.

Avi instantly regretted sending a text. He considered hanging up, putting his phone on silent and forgetting about the whole thing forever…

But he was a coward, so instead, he breathed in and out, then said, “Yes.”

“ _It must pay well if you can afford a place to stay now, though I’d assume you’re only earning half as much._ ”

She wasn’t wrong.

“ _So, are you short on cash already? How much do you need?_ ”

“I’m not-” Avi said, almost raising his voice, but stopping himself in the last minute. “That’s not why I texted you.”

“ _Then what is this about?_ ”

“I just wanted to say hi. You know, letting you know I’m alive, checking if you still are. Is dad there?”

“ _He’s busy right now_.”

“On a Friday night? What, is he out partying or something?”

“ _He just doesn’t have the time to talk right now_.”

Right.

“ _Well, I’m glad you seem to be doing fine for yourself, though why you chose Neverwinter of all places is beneath me. I guess if that’s the only place…_ ”

Avi didn’t bother the rest of the call. He just let mom talk, saying ‘yes’, or ‘right’, or ‘sure’ every once in a while, until she seemed satisfied. The call didn’t last more than three minutes.

After hanging up, Avi left his phone on the kitchen’s bar and just lied on his futon, not really thinking about anything. It didn’t seem like any time had passed when he heard the knock on the door.

Avi got up slowly, wondering who could be at this hour. He was surprised to see Johann standing there, holding a paper bag in one hand and his violin case in the other.

“Johann? What are you doing here?”

“Well, you’re always coming to my apartment for dinner, and I thought we could change things up once in a while. This totally doesn’t have to do with the fact that I haven’t cleaned all week and I’m too embarrassed to have you over.” Johann shook the paper bag on his hand. “Also, I bought dessert.”

“Oh, that’s nice…” Avi said, though he was still trying to piece Johann’s presence at his door. “I thought you had a concert tonight.”

“I did.”

“And you’re out already?”

Johann looked confused for a moment. “It’s half past ten?”

What? That couldn’t be right, Avi had gotten home around nine…

But the sky outside was dark already.

Had he been lying on his couch for over an hour doing nothing?

“Uh, if it’s a bad time,” Johann said, “we can do this some other day.”

Avi couldn’t bear that thought. “Not at all! I was actually gonna text you earlier,” he apologized. “I’m happy you’re here,” he finally said with a genuine smile.

Johann looked to the side, embarrassed. “Alright, pretty boy, I get it.”

Avi rolled his eyes at that, but when Johann wasn’t looking, he smiled to himself. Johann really didn’t know how much it meant to Avi that he was there with him.

When Johann played that night, Avi closed his eyes and pretended nothing else in the world mattered.


	5. Dive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johann's music becomes part of Avi's life.

The music at the gym was… lacking. Who chose this playlist? 80s pop and rock, did that motivate people to exercise? The songs were catchy, but Avi wouldn’t say they inspired him to keep working. None of those tunes matched his heart’s bpm. None of them matched the intensity of his workout. They didn’t make him _feel_ anything. Avi missed Johann’s music. He missed it every time he wasn’t listening to it-

“Earth to Aviiii.”

Avi looked up from his water bottle to the guys.

“Shit, is it my turn already?”

“No,” Magnus said, “I was telling the girls about the birthday cake incident and you missed your cue.”

“Right, sorry… What cake incident?”

Magnus huffed. “Today? When it fell on the engines? You were there! Come on, man, we’re losing our crowd!”

“Give it up, Magnus,” Killian said. “He clearly has his mind somewhere else.”

“Or _someone_ else,” Carey added.

Avi felt his face heat up. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You’re not fooling anyone,” Killian went on, clearly more interested in calling Avi out than listening to Magnus’ story. “Your eyes are practically sparkling.”

“Yeah! It’s pretty obvious,” Magnus said, giving up to the juiciest gossip of the day.

Great. Now Avi would have to deal with this for the rest of the session. “If you’re going to gossip about me at least let me take my turn at the bar. I’m here for my gains, unlike _some_ people.”

“We’re just happy to see you back on your game,” Carey said. “We’re rooting for you, man!”

Avi knew they were. Being the only single member in the group could be hard sometimes. Not so much for all the times he got relegated as a third wheel, he didn’t mind at this point, but all of his friends’ over-enthusiasm when it came to his dating life could be a little overbearing. Still better than his parents nagging him to get married, at least.

“So,” Magnus asked once Avi had started his pull-ups, because he was a coward and knew Avi couldn’t answer right away to shut him up, “when are you going to ask him out?”

Avi did his best to reply in his current situation. “I’m taking,” up, “my time,” down.

“You mean, inviting him over for dinner every night?” Killian pointed out.

“Not _every_ night.”

“Just when we want to go out for drinks, it seems,” Magnus said with a pout.

“Hasn’t even started dating and he’s already ditching us for his boo,” Killian said, joining Magnus’ guilt-tripping train with a sigh.

Avi rolled his eyes. “Come on, I’ve only canceled two times.”

Carey coughed. “Three times.”

“Okay, yeah, three.” Avi did one more pull-up, then jumped down, more tired from the questioning than the workout. “But you’re still my bros! We can still hang out!”

“Like today?” Magnus said.

Avi blushed. “I already promised Johann I was making ravioli today.”

Magnus and Killian sighed loudly.

“You know what?” Carey said. “I, for one, am happy you’re doing this. They say the stomach is the quickest way to the heart,” and she winked at him.

Avi rolled his eyes. “Look, Johann and I didn’t start on the best of terms. I just want to make sure things are really fine between us as neighbours before going further. Besides, he works late practically every day, we barely get to see each other two or three nights a week.”

“That’s enough for you two to go to town one day and sm-” Killian and Carey both elbowed Magnus before he finished that sentence.

“You don’t have to rush things if that’s not your style,” Killian finally said, speaking for the three of them.

“Thank you,” Avi said, a little relieved.

“But, and I’m saying this in the nicest way possible, your sighing is starting to get annoying.”

Avi felt all the heat coming back to his face. “Wait, I’ve been _sighing_?”

“Yes,” said Killian.

“Yep,” said Carey.

“Yeah,” said Magnus. “Even Davenport has noticed.”

So everyone was aware of Avi’s romantic perils. That was just fantastic.

To be fair with them, and Davenport, and himself, Avi was really thinking a lot about Johann lately. But… this wasn’t just about his crush.

If only they knew.

***

“And… recording.”

“Wait, not yet.”

“You just said you were ready!”

“I meant mentally, I still haven’t tuned this thing. Give me a moment.”

“Okay, pressing pause now.”

“And don’t point the camera at me,”

“It’s just an audio recording!”

Johann agreed to be recorded, but only after he had his last concert of the season. He said he didn’t want to half-ass it, so he would need a little more preparation time. The last concert had been on Wednesday, so now, on Thursday, Johann was back to his semi-normal working hours and could humour Avi.

“Yeah, I still don’t trust it. You never know when a camera can be on with these things,” Johann said while he pinched a string and switched some… lever thingies. Violin anatomy was not something Avi knew much about.

“Okay, okay, I’m putting it down,” Avi said, not hiding his amusement. “By the way, aren’t you supposed to use a machine to tune?”

“I don’t need it, I have perfect pitch,” Johann said, casually, like it really was no big deal. “Basically, I’m never out of tune.”

Avi rolled his eyes. “I know what it means. On top of everything else you’re already good at.”

“I didn’t choose to be perfect,” Johann said in a completely straight voice. “But I am.”

Avi laughed hard at that. “God, I wish I had your confidence.”

Johann gave him a small smile. Avi lived for them.

“I’m _actually_ ready now.” He sat straight and placed the violin in his left shoulder. “If you can do the honors.”

Avi picked up his phone, pressed play on the recording, and made a show of leaving it with the camera down on the table, for Johann’s peace of mind. “Alright, take two. What’s the name of this piece?”

“ _I Don’t Know_.”

“Well, I guess you don’t have to name every single thing you make.”

Johann laughed. “ _I Don’t Know_ is the name.”

“Oh!” Avi laughed too. “There you go.”

And Johann played, for Avi and the recording.

It didn’t matter how long they’d been doing this now, Avi could never get used to the wave of emotions that overcame him as soon as Johann started playing.

He was young again, not quite a boy but not yet an adult, no matter what people expected of him. The world was big, and there was so much he didn’t know about it.

Avi felt a neverending impotence, a notion of something being wrong, but not what it was or how to fix it.

Should he ask for help?

 _Could_ he ask for help?

The melody ended in a note of uncertainty, not like something to be continued, but lacking a proper conclusion.

“Are you okay?” Johann asked when he was done.

Avi sobbed. “Yeah, this one wasn’t as strong as the others.”

“You’re still crying, though.”

“Hoo boy, I am.” He laughed. “Do you think the recording picked up on my crying?”

Johann took Avi’s phone and stopped the recording, then played it back.

“Pretty much as soon as I started playing,” Johann answered.

“Damn, and I thought I was getting tougher,” Avi laughed.

“I actually thought this one would be good for the recording, since I figured something like this would happen. Guess I was wrong.”

Avi scoffed. “Don’t hold back on account of me! Besides, I still want to show my doctor the first ones we played, since those affected me the most. I mean, if you’re cool with that.”

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Johann said idly.

Johann replayed it again while they ate. The muffled sobs coming from the phone mixed in with Avi’s real-life sobs. It was amazing how even a recording of Johann’s music could move Avi to tears. It made eating really hard.

“Hm,” Johann said while the music was still playing. “The quality is way better than I expected.”

“Have you ever tried this before?”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t nearly as good as this. Technology really has come far these past years.”

Avi laughed. “The way you say that makes it sound like it was decades ago.”

“It was. The first time I tried to record myself I only had a computer lab’s shitty desktop microphone.”

Avi had to do a double-take. “What?”

“It was like, twenty years ago? Something like that.”

“… Wait, how old were you back then?”

Johann took a moment to do the math. “Uh, seventeen? Eighteen?”

Avi almost choked on his food. “You’re ten years older than me?!”

“Why are you so surprised?”

“I thought we were about the same age!”

“I mean,” Johann pointed at himself. “Half-elf.”

“Oh. Yeah, that makes sense. But it’s still weird! You aren’t really that matu…”

Johann raised an eyebrow.

Avi cleared his throat. “Still, does this mean you’ve been doing this for over twenty years now? That’s impressive!”

Johann scoffed. “Nice save. But yeah, I learned to play the violin when I was a kid, but actually working in music is something relatively recent. I only started composing when I was about your age, and it was a while before I got a spot in the orchestra.”

“You’re still talking like an old man,” Avi pointed out.

Johann stole one of his croutons in retaliation. Avi didn’t try to defend his plate, he kind of deserved it.

“What did you do before working there?”

Johann shrugged. “Stuff. Retail, mostly. If I didn’t hate people before that I sure do now.”

Avi whistled. “You really are a broken soul.”

“Gotta get the inspiration from somewhere,” Johann said. It was a joke, probably, but Avi didn’t know if he could laugh at that.

Johann talked so casually about his own past trauma, but it was clear it had been a very hard time for him. Was this a front? Were all those beautiful pieces a way for him to cope without opening to others?

The music stopped, and only then the knot of Avi’s throat opened again. Man, Johann really was amazing. Avi picked the phone and checked the recording. Five minutes of intense emotional work. All in all, it was a short piece, but to think even this could have such an effect on Avi…

He couldn’t wait for his next session with Lucretia to talk about it. Maybe she could shine some light on Johann too?

“What about you?” Johann asked, still eating from Avi’s plate, since his own had been emptied some time ago.

Avi looked up from the phone. “Hm?”

“What did you do before…” he gestured to his arms. “You know, your stuff with the machines. You been doing that for long?”

“You mean the workshop? Nah, I’ve only had this job for a year.”

“What did you do before?”

“I was in college.”

“Studying machine stuff?”

“Mechanical engineering, yep. Big number stuff.”

Johann grimaced at the mention of numbers. Not a fan of math, it seemed. “And after that?”

“After that I got a job and moved to Neverwinter.”

“I know, but between those two things.”

“Not much, it took me, like, six months to find a job.”

Johann tilted his head to the side. “But that would mean you graduated only two years ago.”

Avi figured it would be easier on both of them if he just said it himself. “Yeah, I… made a lot of mistakes when I was younger.” Avi shrugged. “There really isn’t much to the story other than that.”

After he said that, Johann just kept silent. It was kind of a bummer backstory, Avi supposed.

“I guess,” Johann said, “we have more in common than we thought.”

Avi smiled. “Yeah.”

They stayed recording songs a little longer.

***

It was an especially warm Sunday. Normally, Avi and Carey would get up earlier and go to the riverside shortly after sunrise to get their run before the heat started to settle over the city, but Avi was still getting used to the sleeping pills, and it was hard to wake up at a different hour just one day. So, by the time they were done, both were sweating.

“Why are we doing this in the summer again?” Avi said when they finally found a nice shadow to settle down. “We should have tried for a swimming competition or something.”

Carey chugged down the entirety of her water bottle before answering. “There’s the dive coming in fourth months, if you want to practice for that.”

“In winter? Is it in the river?”

“Nope, the sea.”

“Now that’s way too cold! Why do people do that?”

“It’s like a cleanse of your entire system. I thought you would be into that spiritual shit.”

Avi huffed. “I believe in positivity _and_ not catching unnecessary colds.”

Carey smiled with all her teeth. “As long as you don’t get _cold feet_ on the run.”

“I might get it _now_ ,” Avi groaned, which only fueled Carey even more.

“Let’s get something to eat, I’m starving!”

One advantage of having a very restrictive diet was that Avi didn’t lose time choosing what to eat, and Carey was fine with whatever he got as long as it had big portions. They sat at a nice looking coffee shop attended by hipster baristas, the number one ally of a vegan foodie. On the counter rested a nice looking lasagna that tempted Avi right away. Oh, had he ever made lasagna for Johann? Maybe for dinner tonight…

“Are you thinking about Johann again?”

Avi stood up straight. “What? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Carey looked at him with a teasing smile as he paid for his food. Even the guy at the register gave him a funny look. His face burned like hell, and it wasn’t because of the sun.

“Am I really that obvious?” He asked with a sigh when they finally sat down.

“I’m telling you, your eyes get all sparkly when you talk about him. It’s very anime.”

“And I keep telling you guys I have no idea what you mean by that. How does that even work?”

Carey shrugged. “Maybe it’s a love thing.”

“I’m starting to think this is some bullshit prank you’re playing on me. Just tell me I get all dumb faced or whatever.”

“Your face is already dumb, that’s not a telling factor.”

“Two omelettes for Katey?” called one of the baristas from the counter.

“That’s you, Katey,” Avi teased her.

Carey stuck her tongue out at him and got up. She was there and back in less than five seconds, and she dug into her food with furious voracity.

“Was this Sunday run thing just a ploy to get away with eating breakfast for lunch without Killian knowing?”

“No. But for real,” Carey said, mouth still full of food, “I don’t know why she doesn’t like it. People eat fried eggs for lunch, why not scrambled eggs? It’s the same ingredient!”

“I mean, there _has_ to be a reason, right? Why would people argue over things for no reason?”

“I bet you went vegan to get away from all the egg arguments.”

“Yes,” Avi said straight-faced. “It was for my own mental sanity.”

“One Lasagna for ‘Abby’?” Said the man from the counter.

“Ha, ha, Abby.”

“Yeah, yeah.” What was a coffee shop without getting your name maimed by the guy from the counter?

“Hey, before I forget,” Carey said when Avi got back, her plate already empty, “do you have something to do on Thursday night? One of your totally not romantic dinner dates with Johann?”

Avi rolled his eyes. “As a matter of fact, I don’t. Why?”

“We’re going to celebrate Killian!”

“Cool, what’s the occasion?”

Carey raised an eyebrow. “The promotion she just got? What else is there.”

What? When did Killian get promoted? Well, whatever. Avi just went with the flow. “Right! Good for her!”

“I know, right? Like, we all knew she was going to get it, but at the same time it’s like, hell yeah! That’s my girl! A whole-ass branch manager!”

Carey was so happy, it was obvious how much she loved Killian.

“I’ll be there. Wouldn’t miss it for anything in the world.”

“Awesome! We’re going to that place where they taze your drinks. I want to learn the technique so I can do it at home.”

“Ew, that’s your spit!”

“It’s not! My electricity comes from my glands!”

“Ew, that’s your sweat!”

Carey attacked him with breadcrumbs while Avi just laughed. He still had some in his hair when he got home.

***

Things at work were slow now that they were done with their last big client. They still had some smaller projects going around, but after battling for over a month with the metric system, these felt like a relief. There had been so many inches-to-centimeter misunderstandings, and Avi didn’t want to see the word ‘Celsius’ ever again. The rest of the world was stupid.

Avi was currently battling a personal fight with his email, trying to send the recordings to Lucretia before his next session on Friday. The archives were big, and Avi didn’t want to waste all of his data on them, so he figured Davenport wouldn’t mind if he used the company’s WiFi as long as he did so during his break.

But his break was almost over, and those last bytes refused to upload.

“Why don’t you try compressing it?” Magnus had asked.

“They’re already compressed.”

“No, I mean, the original files.”

“They would lose quality if I do that.”

“Right, because it’s _Johann’s_ music and you love him very much,” Magnus said with a high, cheesy voice.

“Ha, ha, very funny.”

“You can play denial but your eyes say otherwise!”

Finally, the loading prompt changed, but not to the one Avi wanted to see: _Please upload up to 200MB_.

Avi groaned. “Are you kidding? Couldn’t you have said that an hour ago?!”

“Woah, how many songs are you sending?”

“They’re not songs,” Avi corrected him almost on reflex now. Johann was very picky about the terminology he used around him “And only five, but they’re kinda long. You know how classical music is.”

“You’re gonna have to send them one by one at this rate.”

Avi sighed. “Yeah, probably.”

“By the way,” Magnus said, “could I listen to them? You’ve been hyping Johann’s music so much these days it’s got me curious.”

Avi turned to him. So now Magnus was interested, huh. “Are you sure you won’t fall asleep?”

He huffed. “Come on, that was just _one_ time! I didn’t even know the guy back then. I can stay awake if it is for a friend.”

There was nothing Avi wanted more than to share Johann’s music with everyone, but… “I don’t know if I can. Johann agreed to share them with my doctor, but passing the files around is different. I know he prefers his music to be heard live.”

Magnus shrugged. “It’s cool, I get it. Maybe next time we hang out I’ll ask him to play.”

“That’s not a bad idea. But I warn you, you will cry like a baby.”

“We’ll see!” Magnus said, puffing his chest like a big boy. “Why don’t you ask him to join us this Thursday?”

Avi stammered. “W-what? Magnus, I can’t just ask Johann to come to Killian’s party. What would she say?”

“Oh, I’m sure she’ll be okay with it. Besides, she and Carey keep asking _me_ about Johann, since you don’t want to share with them.” He leaned closer and winked. “And since you’re clearly still chickening out of asking him out, it technically doesn’t count as a date if more people are around. Wink.”

Avi scoffed, though Magnus didn’t change his expression.

“Fine, I’ll see if he’s free tomorrow, but don’t-”

Magnus got his phone out and recorded an audio message. “Hey girls, guess who just got Avi to invite Johann for drinks!”

“-promise anything and you went and did it anyway.”

“It’s gonna be awesome!”

Avi laughed. “I hope so.”

***

In the end, Avi only managed to send three of the five files that day, all in separate emails. He chose the ones he thought best represented Johann’s abilities, so hopefully Lucretia would get to appreciate them as much as he did. Johann had won him over with just one, after all.

Avi was still pondering about sending the other two, and he almost didn’t think to check his mailbox that day. But there was the letter, poking out of the side, practically screaming to be taken.

Avi wasn’t really sure what he was going to find in there. Hopefully, an update on his magazine subscriptions. Most likely spam. But no, it was another student loan reminder. How many of these did they send? What a waste of paper…

_Warning of late payment. Fees may incur._

Avi groaned. “Are you serious right now?” Not even waiting until he was done climbing the five floors before opening the letter right then in the hallway.

Something, something, late payments are fined a two percent fee. But Avi _had_ paid one week ago, so what was this bullshit?

He opened his door, left everything on the counter and immediately called the number on the letter. After bouncing between answering machines, a female voice answered:

“ _Bank of Faerun, office of debt collection, how may I help you?_ ”

“Yeah, I just got a letter telling me I have a late payment fine-”

“ _Fees are applied to the total amount of your next payment. Each day has an increase of-_ ”

“Yes, I know how interest works. I’m not calling because of that. I already paid last week, why are you fining me?”

“ _Sir, I’m going to need your information to check the status of your payment_.”

Of course, more bureaucracy. He gave the lady on the phone his name and ID and waited.

“ _It says here your payment for this month is being processed._ ”

Avi sighed in relief. Okay, that was good. At least it didn’t get lost in the system. “Great. So are you going to waive the late fee?”

 _“I cannot do that, sir-_ ”

Avi was starting to lose his patience. “Why not? You just said it, I paid in time.”

“ _The fee wasn’t never applied to the payment. We automatically send those letters closer to the deadline so people who haven’t paid yet remember to do so._ ”

“But I had already paid! Why did you send it in the first place?”

“ _You must have paid after we sent them. It’s just a warning, sir._ ”

“Just a warning?” Avi scoffed. “You know exactly what you’re doing. You send an ambiguously worded letter in the hopes someone less savvy than me pays without asking questions. What if I hadn’t called?”

“ _Nothing in your case, as I said, this is just a warning letter-”_

Avi wasn’t listening anymore. He was so angry, at this lady, at this bank, at the entire system that made him waste so much money on a stupid title he never even got. “You guys just want to take advantage of people who are already in a shitty situation! The student loan business is already bad enough, aren’t you ashamed of yourselves? You think just because I dropped out I’m an idiot? That I’m going to do whatever without questioning it? Because you’re not getting one fucking cent more than what I already owe from me!”

And he hung up.

Avi stood there, breathing heavily, his arms still trembling. He was…

He was…

…

Oh, God, what happened to him?

He looked at his phone again. He felt like he should apologize to the poor lady for yelling at her, but the call was already over. He was the one who hung up so abruptly.

What had come over him? This wasn’t Avi. This _rage_ , where did it come from?

That’s when he noticed the violin playing.

It was a fast, frantic, _loud_ piece.

It made his blood boil, until it pooled in his heart and became poison. Avi felt the need to scream, to let it fuel him further.

He fought that need.

Instead, he walked out of his apartment and climbed to Johann’s floor. He didn’t wait for the music to stop before knocking on the door, maybe with more force than was necessary. But he had to talk to Johann. Something was wrong.

The music was cut right away, and Johann opened his door seconds later, a little surprised to see Avi there. “Oh, hey, you interrupted my-”

“ _What’s your fucking problem?!_ ” Avi exclaimed. He covered his mouth in embarrassment. “Sorry, fuck, I didn’t mean to say that, I’m very heated up right now.”

Johann didn’t seem offended by this. If anything, he looked a little amused. “Ah, music got to you.”

“Yeah.”

Johann let him in, and Avi once again closed the door with a little too much force than was necessary.

“Sorry,” Johann said, “you’re right. I was actually venting.”

“Hey, whatever helps you cope with stuff. This is a pretty intense piece, though. What’s it called?”

“ _The Fuck Off Sonata in G major._ ”

Fancy. “I’m not here to cut your inspiration, just wanted to, you know, check if everything is okay. You usually play relatively chill stuff.”

Johann sighed. “I just had a fucking day at work.”

Ah, so it was that sort of problem. “Do you want to talk ab-”

“My boss is getting on my nerves!” Johann exclaimed at the first sign of Avi wanting to hear about it.

Avi helped himself to Johann’s electric kettle and put some water for tea while Johann spilled The Tea. “You mean the conductor?”

“Yeah, he hates when we call him boss,” Johann said, and then added in a very sarcastic tone, “because we’re a _team_ , and _no one_ is above _anyone_ in this orchestra. Hypocritical bastard.” He said the last bit with his usual, flat tone. “He’s been complaining about my playing for weeks.”

Now that was weird. “What exactly does he have against you, though? Aren’t you the best at what you do?”

Johan pointed at him. “Exactly! That’s what I keep telling him! He’s just trying to find excuses to piss me off because he doesn’t like that I got all the praise during the concerts.”

Avi remembered his time at the auditorium, how clear it was that the conductor didn’t like Johann that much. Now Avi felt bad for agreeing with him. To be fair, Johann _was_ being a little insufferable, but it wasn’t like he hadn’t earned the right to brag.

“Don’t you have, like, a manager or someone you can complain to? This definitely doesn’t sound like a good working environment.”

Johann sighed. “We don’t get that office shit in an orchestra. My boss’ boss is the Ministry of Culture, and they don’t want to hear about a petty squabble between musicians.”

Avi sat down and gestured Johann to follow him. He fell heavily on the couch and groaned.

“This is why I don’t like orchestras,” Johann went on, “everyone is always on each other’s business. How you play, if you’re too good, or not good enough. I thought I was over this when I finally left the amateur circles, but professional musicians are even worse. The moment they see someone better than them, they go after him like hyenas.”

Avi frowned. “That… sounds like a lot of shit. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Me? Yeah,” Johann scoffed. “I can deal with the envy. I just wish my boss wasn’t a giant baby about it too.”

The soft murmuring of the water boiling came to its peak, then the electric kettle clicked, filling the room while neither of them talked.

Avi figured now was a good time to make a tea break.

“Coffee for me, please,” Johann said.

Well, tea-coffee break. Not like Johann could get any more worked up, if he wasn’t immune to caffeine already.

But he did look upset. His brow was slightly furrowed and the neutral line of his lips was turned five degrees down, which was a lot in Johann’s case. It mustn't be easy for him to vent about music things when his whole life was music.

“Hey,” Avi asked, “are you free this Thursday after work?”

Johann sighed. “Like every day of my life, why?”

“Do you wanna go for drinks with me and the guys? You know, to let out steam, maybe even have fun.”

Johann sat there for a moment, just looking at a spot on the wall, and for a moment Avi feared he hadn’t heard him. Or worse, he didn’t want to go.

“Yeah, why not. I could use the alcohol,” he turned towards Avi and gave him a small smile. “Thanks.”

Avi stared down at the kitchen counter so Johann wouldn’t see the big dumb smile on his face.

***

Avi knew this wasn’t a real date. Not with everyone else at the bar with them. Dinner and music would be his choice, under normal circumstances, but he and Johann were already used to that, and it wasn’t a big deal, really. Hanging out with loud drunkards was even less romantic in comparison.

Still, he was a little nervous on the way to the Neverwinter concert hall. There was _something_ about that, meeting right at the end of the workday and walking together to the bar, even if it was only a five-minute trip. They were going to the same place from the night after the concert.

Maybe it was the prospect of finally introducing Johann to Carey and Killian. Their approval was important to him. He could never ask Johann out for real without it. But above all else, he just wanted Johann to play for them. It was clear Johann was having a hard time with his music, and Avi wanted to show him that everyone would love it if he shared it with the world, to hell with those assholes at the orchestra.

Speaking of, Avi arrived at the concert hall. It didn’t look as big this early in the day. It seemed prettier back during the concert too. Maybe it was just the anticipation. The inside was still the same as Avi remembered. He recalled enough to get to the ground floor without getting lost, though he still had to ask for directions to the practice hall.

He’d imagined the building would be bursting with music, but it was pretty silent all things considered. Only the noise from the shows being played on the top floors came by whenever someone in a opened a door. It made sense, this place must have had proper noise isolation, and everyone at the orchestra would be packing up or already on their way home. If only there was one way for him to tell where to go…

A voice came from the left door, one he recognized very well by now. Johann was inside, talking to someone, though Avi couldn’t distinguish what they were saying before opening the door.

“… to listen to me, Johann. I’m on _your_ side.”

“Yeah? So asking me to get down on everyone else’s level is being on my side now?”

“I’m asking you to play with everyone. You can’t keep acting like you’re playing solo.”

Oh. Shit. That was the conductor, and he didn’t sound happy. Was this a bad time? Should Avi cough? Should he wait outside?

“I’m the _soloist_! That’s what I do, I play the main melody and everyone does the harmony, how am _I_ doing things wrong here?”

“Johann, I’m trying to be understanding, but if you seriously can’t see what’s wrong then I’ll have to-”

“What, replace me? Good luck finding someone who’s willing to put up with what I did. You chose me because you know _I’m_ the only one good enough to play this part. So maybe instead of asking me to get down on everyone else’s level, how about everyone just tries to match _my_ level?”

Yeah, whew, Avi should _definitely_ not be in there. He started backtracking to the exit, but he forgot there was a step and tripped down.

It hurt, but worse yet, it made a lot of noise.

The two men inside the room turned to him, one looking between surprised and annoyed, the other looking between concerned and relieved.

“Shit, dude, are you okay?” Johann said as he ran to his side.

“Yeah! Sorry about that, I never see where I go. It’s so dark in here!”

“Yeah, some people like the gothic aesthetic too much,” he said as a clear jab against his boss, who only rolled his eyes. “If you’re okay then let’s go, we don’t want to make everyone wait.”

“Excuse me,” the conductor called from the room, “I’m not done talking to you.”

“But _I_ am,” Johann retorted. He went back for his stuff and then walked out of the room.

Avi stood there for a moment, looking between his friend and the conductor.

“So, uh, nice to see you,” he said awkwardly, then ran after Johann.


	6. Delirium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avi takes Johann on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder that I chose not to tag warnings, please take that as a warning in and of itself.

The sun was already in hiding, but it was still light outside when Avi and Johann left the Neverwinter auditorium. Johann sighed loudly as he exited the building, mostly for dramatic effect. “Sorry you had to hear that.”

“No, dude, don’t apologize for your boss being a dick,” Avi rushed to reassure him as he followed him out. “I mean, I heard what you told me the other day, but I didn’t expect it to be this bad. He yells at you like that all the time?”

“Not really,” Johann shrugged, “he’s more of the passive aggressive type. But he’s been getting more and more insufferable each time.”

“Why was he so angry?”

Johann sighed again. This time, it seemed more genuine. He was visibly upset. “Because he thinks I’m overstaging the rest of the orchestra.”

That… made a lot of sense. Johann was a formidable violinist, he naturally drew everyone’s attention. If Avi was being honest, he barely remembered anyone else from the orchestra during the concert. His mind had been focused on Johann.

“I think I see where he’s coming from,” Avi said. “But, hey, it’s not your fault you’re so good.”

He said that as a joke, but Johann took it completely seriously. “Exactly! Like, I’m sorry I’m better than everyone else, but maybe you should consider hiring better musicians?”

They walked alongside the river, in front of the park Avi and Carey liked to run around on Sundays. Avi didn’t even notice they went that way. The bar was on the opposite side of the auditorium. He’d just followed Johann.

“Honestly,” Johann went on, “I’m practically doing a favor to the orchestra playing with them. Kravitz knows I’m the reason the concerts have become so popular recently. If I had a chance at going solo I…”

Johann trailed off. His anger slowly turned into something more. Resignation.

“But I don’t,” he finally said. “So there’s no point in thinking about it.”

It crushed Avi to see Johann like that. It wasn’t fair. How could someone with his talent still be unknown to the world? Why wasn’t everyone enamoured with his music as much as Avi was?

If only they could hear…

It was a nice Tuesday evening. Not many people walked outside this late, not on a weeknight, but kids on break from school still roamed around the park along with their families. Old citizens enjoyed the last rays of the day. Lots of people going about their business.

“That’s not true,” Avi said.

Johann looked back at him. “What?”

“You still have a chance.”

He grabbed Johann’s arm and dragged him to the park.

There was a big fountain in the center. With plenty of room to sit and walk around, it was the best place Avi could think of. He grabbed Johann’s backpack and sat down, leaving him standing with the violin case.

Johann was, understandably, confused. “What’s going on?” he asked.

Avi gave him a reassuring smile. “You’re going to play for them.”

And he pointed around, at all the people sitting, walking, and playing in the park.

Johann kept looking at Avi like he was waiting for a real explanation, which Avi didn’t give him. In the end, if only to humour him, Johann took his violin from its case, got in position, and started playing in the middle of the park.

People around them had already taken notice of the guy holding a violin in the middle of the park, some paying attention to him, others trying to go on with their lives. But as soon as the music started, it was like a spell was cast all over them. One by one, first those who were closer, then those farther away, they ceased whatever they were doing to look at him. To _listen_ to Johann.

Then, one by one, they felt it too. The sheer emotion flowing through the sound of the violin.

Avi was the first to cry. He knew this piece, _Solitude_ , it was one of his favorites. He couldn’t help but cry as soon as Johann started. The rest, they joined him at their own pace.

Johann played like he always did, giving it an emotion that felt so real, and at the same time not. Like a dream that overcame those who listened. An untouchable idea of what it’s like to be alone, having no one in this world to turn to but yourself, yet wanting something more. Wishing, and wishing, and wishing…

It always felt both longer and shorter than the piece actually was when Johann played, everything else went away. But when he stopped, it was like coming back from a dream, and Avi didn’t want to wake up. But this time, when the music ended, there was applause.

Avi didn’t even notice when the crowd around them had grown so big. The people from the park had gathered around the fountain, and they were all cheering for Johann, crying their eyes out after his beautiful performance.

Johann, who was used to praise, seemed touched by this. These weren’t the rich and powerful elite he always dealt with. These were normal people, like Avi, and that’s why he knew they would love him as much.

And when the applause ended, they stood there, waiting for another song.

Johann looked towards Avi, and he smiled. “Thanks,” he mouthed, then played some more.

***

Johann didn’t play all of his repertoire, though there were some pieces Avi had never heard before. It was a nice surprise, and all of them were equally beautiful.

But it was getting late. People around them started to leave, and so the improvised concert came to an end. It was for the best, Avi thought. There was something in the back of his mind he felt they had to do now, though he was still too enthralled by Johann’s music to think properly.

“Here,” Johann offered him a tissue. “I had to ask around. You’re lucky these people liked my music enough for the favour, or else you’d be crying alone in the park like a weirdo.”

“Ha,” Avi cry-laughed. “Don’t say that, of course everyone would love it. It was a great show.”

Johann was still smiling. That small, utterly adorable smile. It made Avi’s heart melt. He had never seen him this happy in the time they’ve known each other.

“Thank you,” Johann said, “for making me do this. I don’t remember the last time I had this fun playing for a crowd.”

“Is this the first time you played on the street?”

“Nah. I used to do it a long time ago, between jobs. It paid better than some of them, but it’s not a stable income. Really depends on the mood of people that day, and they only give you tips when they recognize the piece, so I ended up repeating a lot. I can’t listen to the Nutcracker now, got me bored to death of it.”

Avi nodded. “It must’ve been hard.”

Johann shrugged. “It was better than retail, that can I tell you. Like, it was rough, but I didn’t feel bad with myself. I was doing what I love.”

“Like what you do now?”

Johann stopped a moment to think.

“No,” he finally said. “ _This_ ,” he said, pointing at them, the people in the park, the streets, everything around them, “is what I love.”

“Then you should do this instead,” Avi said. “Fuck the guys at the orchestra. People _love_ you, Johann. You saw just now. There’s still a chance for a new composer to make it in this world.”

Johann’s smile didn’t fade, but he looked at Avi with the same resignation he’d had back at the auditorium. “Avi, you have no idea what it means to hear you say that…” He looked to the park again. “But I already tried all there is to try. I know I’m good, but sometimes that’s not enough.”

“Things have changed a lot since you got a job at the orchestra,” Avi said. “We have better recording equipment, for one. You could start a YouTube channel, or Soundcloud. Just get your music out there for everyone to hear.”

That did seem to get a reaction out of him. Johann nodded, like he was actually considering it, although he still seemed hesitant.

“You don’t have to quit your job,” Avi went on. “We could record once in a while, like we’ve been doing for the past weeks.”

“Won’t I need a better microphone for that?”

“True, true, and maybe a camera if we want to go the YouTube route. And sound isolating foam, probably, or else the sound of traffic is going to ruin everything.”

“That sounds like a big investment.”

“We can save!”

Johann raised an eyebrow. “With our barely-enough-for-rent paychecks?”

“Okay, it’s gonna take a while,” Avi admitted. “And I know this is a big decision, you don’t have to agree with me right now.”

Johann nodded. “I guess I’ll think about it.”

“Good!” Avi said as he retrieved his keys. “Whatever you decide, just remember I’m always here for…”

Wait. Keys?

Avi looked around them.

When had they gotten to their apartment building?

And it was so dark already. It was hard to tell outside, where the lights of the city shone so bright, but here in the hall outside his apartment it was hard to see anything that wasn’t right in front of him. Like Johann. He was so close now.

Were they supposed to be back already? Avi still felt like he was forgetting something. Something important.

But what could be more important than Johann?

“I had a lot of fun today,” he said.

 _Me too_ , Avi wanted to say, but Johann kissed him before he had a chance.

There was nothing else in the world for him beyond the warmth of their contact, how Johann seemed to melt when Avi kissed back and held him tight, the small noises he made against him. Avi didn’t know if the lightheadedness he felt was from his pulse racing or the lack of air. Or maybe he was just that far gone.

As soon as they pulled apart, Avi said, still out of breath, “Do you wanna stay the ni-?”

“ _Yes._ ”

The door closed behind them.

***

Waking up next to Johann was like a dream at first.

Avi knew he was awake by the sound of traffic and the light filtering from the windows, all of that a part of his life he’d already got used to. But there was, also, the warmth of Johann’s body clinging to him, and his soft curls against Avi’s face. His breathing. His heartbeat. It must have been a dream.

But Avi was awake, and Johann was there with him that morning.

Johann was still asleep, with no signs of waking anytime soon. He lived his life a couple hours later than Avi, so he didn’t have a biological clock. Unlike Avi, who once again found himself up before his alarm.

So Avi just lied there next to him for a while, taking in the new set of emotions that Johann brought to his life.

He looked so cute when he was asleep. A rogue curl covered his face, and Avi couldn’t help but tuck it in behind his ear, almost waking him up in the process. Johann hummed in soft protest, it was still too early for him. He held Avi tighter and snuggled against his neck, sighing before falling asleep again.

Avi died for a moment.

He considered calling in sick that day and staying in bed the rest of the morning.

 _No. You’re an adult. Get up and go to work_.

With a sigh, Avi decided to get out of bed before the temptation overcame him. He made sure to not wake Johann up again, but not before giving him a good morning kiss on the forehead. Johann didn’t seem to mind. Then, he reached for his phone to turn his alarm off, as to not wake Johann up, but he found it out of charge. With everything that happened last night he didn’t remember to plug it in. Well, it was better like that. He could charge it at work.

Avi went on with his morning routine like usual. With the brief window of time he had from waking up earlier, he made pancakes and left them on the counter with a note for Johann when he woke up. Then, he was off to the real world again.

It was Friday, and Avi was in an excellent mood.

Maybe, he could go as far as saying he was happy. Was this what happiness felt like? He could get used to it. He could do this every morning for the rest of his life.

“Glad to see you’re alive.”

Avi almost jumped out of his skin. Standing right outside his building was Carey, arms crossed, looking very angry.

No, not angry. _Disappointed._

“Jesus Christ, dude, what are…”

And then, Avi remembered. Killian’s promotion party, and that he never attended.

It was like getting the whole floor swept out from under his feet. How could Avi forget? “I’m so-”

“Save it,” Carey cut him, “it’s not me you have to apologize to. I just came by to check if you were okay, since you didn’t bother to call _or_ answer our texts.”

Avi’s hand instinctively went to his pocket, where his phone rested, but he knew it was out of charge. He felt horrible, doing that to his friends when he knew how much they worried about him. “I didn’t mean to skip the party, it’s just, something happened and I completely forgot about it.”

“Let me guess, it has to do with Johann?”

Avi let out an embarrassed sigh. “Yeah.”

Carey’s expression shifted, from disappointment to something worse: worry.

“B-but it’s fine!” Avi rushed to reassure her. “He’s fine. _I’m_ fine. It was just a small thing that got blown out of proportion, really.”

“I know you’re fine _now_ , but this?” She pointed at him, “Ditching us for a _boy_? Avi, this isn’t like you. You’ve never gotten like this over a crush.”

“Well, this isn’t just a crush!” Avi said.

Carey glared at him, though she let him talk for himself.

“Johann is not like other guys. Hell, he’s not like other _people_. He might not look like much, but there’s something _special_ about him. His music makes you feel. Makes _me_ feel. You’d know what I’m talking about if you’d met him.”

“But I don’t.”

Avi sighed. “Right, because I forgot to bring him yesterday,” he said embarrassed. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I fucked up last night, it won’t happen again.”

Carey sighed too. “I’ll take your word for it, man. But no more blackouts like that, you hear me?”

“Loud and clear.”

“Good. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get home before it’s too late to tell Killian you got too caught up smooching Johann last night.”

Avi didn’t want to know what his face looked like, because it _had_ to be bad if that’s all it took for Carey to know. She raised an eyebrow, and Avi could feel his whole body turn red.

“Huh. So at least it wasn’t for nothing.”

Avi wanted to say anything in his defence, but by the time he thought of something, Carey was already out of his sight. He just stood there, feeling everyone’s stares on him.

***

Avi called Killian as soon as his phone was charged enough to turn back on. Finding her contact and gathering the courage to call was hard, but the actual talking was easier than expected.

“ _It’s cool, man. Carey was only mad at you because she thinks_ I _should be._ ”

“I think that too. You’ve scolded me for less.”

 _“I know you, Avi, you’re not the type to just disappear for a night without reason. I figured something else might’ve come up._ ”

“Still, Carey is right, I should’ve called before. I’m sorry.”

“ _Yes, you should have. But now that I know for sure you’re fine it’s really not a big deal. Besides, you’re still adjusting to your new meds, I know those things can mess with your head._ ”

Avi’s stomach dropped. Shit, did he take his meds last night? He was too caught up in the moment to even remember that.

 _“And I had fun last night. We’ll go for drinks another time._ ”

Avi let go of that thought. Nothing he could do about it now, for better or worse. “I owe you a celebratory round,” he said. “How was the whole electric drink deal?”

“ _Surprisingly underwhelming. The only thing electricity does to alcohol is make it kinda warm, which honestly just ruins the taste. Carey loved it, though. She thinks she can actually set it on fire if she holds long enough.”_

“That’s either going to exhaust her or blow up in her face.”

“ _I know, I’m still talking her out of it_.”

A muffled voice came from the other end, then Killian said, “ _Sorry, gotta get back to work. Before I forget, good on you for finally making a move on Johann.”_

Avi sighed. “So Carey told you _that_ too.”

“ _Yep, she told us everything._ ”

“Look, I know how it sounds, but I swear that’s not the reason I bailed last night. It just sort of… happened.”

“ _Avi, you’re an adult, you don’t need to give explanations about your dating life. Like I said, it’s fine. Anyway, talk to you later!”_

And she hung up.

Avi sank in his chair and sighed. Well, time to feel guilty about this for the rest of the day.

“YO, BRO, I HEARD THE NEWS!” Magnus rushed into the room holding a cupcake with a small sign reading ‘CONGRATS ON THE SEX’.

As this scene unfolded, Davenport, who was passing by the door, gave Avi a thumbs up.

Welp, this was his karma. Avi took it along with the cupcake and munched on it as he went back to work.

Today’s session was gonna be fun.

***

The door to Lucretia’s office opened up with a thud. “Dude, you’re not going to believe the week I had.”

Lucretia looked up from her computer and frowned. “Avi, it’s good to see you. I’ve been waiting for this session.”

“Me too, buddy, me too. I fucked up last night. _Big_ time. But it was also the best time I’ve had in a very long time?”

“Please take a seat. We have things to discuss.”

“I know, I know, I’ll get to that, but listen: so I had this thing with the guys, Killian got promoted out of nowhere and we were supposed to go out for drinks…”

“Avi.”

“Just a second. Then Magnus said, hey, you should bring Johann, and I was like, that’s a great way to introduce him to the girls! So I go to his job, but hear this, he’s having a fight with his boss…”

“Avi, I seriously need you to-”

“So I took him for a walk to calm down, like, what was I supposed to do? And then I was so caught up on that I totally forgot about Killian’s thing, so now I feel very bad about that…”

“Avi, could you please-”

“But then Johann kissed me, and I kissed him, and it was _the_ best feeling in the world, like, WOW, and I’m still, like, feeling the butterflies in my stomach from that. And then he spent the night at my place, you don’t need details about that, but you get what I mean.”

Lucretia had given up on calling for his attention and just waited for Avi to finish his tale.

“So, now I feel bad about the party. Carey is mad, but Killian says it’s fine, and basically, I don’t know if I want you to tell me it’s really not a big deal and I’m overreacting, or that I did fuck up and I should feel bad. But I’m here for it. Just do your thing.”

Lucretia sighed. “I’m afraid that’ll have to wait. We need to talk about the audios you sent me.”

Oh, right. With everything that happened, Avi also forgot about that.

Well, no wonder Lucretia was so excited to talk about it. This was Johann’s music. “Right! So, what did you think? I told you he was good, right? If you want more I could ask him-”

“Avi, you can’t keep on listening to this.”

There was a disconnection from what Lucretia said and what Avi heard, like the words were there but the meaning got lost on the way, and it took Avi a moment to fully process what was being said and why.

“Oh,” he laughed. “I get it, it’s _too_ sad. You’re worried it might trigger something. But let me assure you, Lucretia, I’m perfectly fine.”

Lucretia took her time before speaking up again, like she was choosing her words carefully. It all struck Avi as a little… _wrong_. This wasn’t the reaction she should be having.

“Avi, do you remember, when we started your treatment with me, that I asked you a question?”

“You asked a lot of questions back then. Mostly about allergies.”

“But before all that. I asked if you were willing to undergo magical treatment. What was your answer?”

“Oh, that? I mean, I said no, that’s why my old therapist referred me to you, because you don’t do magic.”

“I can do magic,” Lucretia said. “I’ve never used it on you because you didn’t consent to it. You said, if I recall correctly, that ‘the whole thing scared you a little’.”

There’s something inherently funny about hearing Lucretia try to talk like Avi. “Oh. Well, that’s a surprise. Not that I’m scared of you now, or anything,” he rushed to say. “But what does that have to do with anything?”

“What I’m about to say might shock you,” Lucretia went on in that same calculated tone she had been using for a while now, “but I need you to remember you’re safe here, and that you have me to help you go through this.”

Somehow that only made Avi feel worse about everything. “What are you talking about?”

“Johann has been charming you.”

Avi sat there, waiting for Lucretia to go on. But she was silent.

In a way, Avi expected something that would make the world stop around them. But the wall clock kept on ticking, and Avi was still there, waiting for a devastating blow that never came.

All he got, instead, was the almost underwhelming conviction that this was all a joke. “No? That’s not possible.”

“I know this is hard to hear, but-”

“Johann can’t be charming me, he doesn’t even know magic!” Avi laughed. “I mean, we spent a whole night cleaning his apartment by hand. Remember I told you about that? He tripped twice.”

“Magic doesn’t work like that, Avi.”

“Does it? Because last I checked, you had to study, like, six years to use it, and Johann didn’t go to college.” Avi snapped his fingers. “Oh! I know what this is about. He’s just so good it _seems_ like a charm, right? I mean, I see what you mean, then, but…”

Lucretia held a hand out towards Avi’s face, like trying to take it. It took Avi by surprise, though she waited for him to let her touch him before doing anything. Not really knowing what else to do, he nodded, and Lucretia held his face.

“Your eyes… they have traces on magic in them, like-”

“Sparks,” Avi said without thinking.

Lucretia retrieved her hand, looking, if possible, even more concerned.

“Wait, are you serious?”

“I haven’t been able to test them yet, detecting magic inside technology is a little complicated. But, from my own experience, I can tell there is something magical about these songs. And the effect they have on you speaks for itself.”

Avi was desperately trying to find something, _anything_ that could put these findings under other light. Maybe Lucretia was mixing things up, or maybe Avi had been exposed to magic somewhere else. Maybe it was all just a misunderstanding.

But Lucretia still frowned.

Maybe she was right.

“… So what?” He said.

Lucretia’s frown deepened.

“Let’s say you’re right,” Avi explained. “It’s a charm. Johann somehow found a way to cast magic through music. Let’s say that is a thing that can happen now. So, what’s so bad about it?”

Lucretia sighed. “Avi…”

“I mean,” Avi went on, surprising even himself with how calm he was, “is this surprising? Yeah, but at the same time, it’s not as bad as I thought! Is this really that different from magic therapy? Had I known it would be like this, I would’ve agreed sooner!”

“There is a huge difference between being charmed by a trained professional and someone who, as you just said, didn’t even go to college. Without the proper care, magic can have lasting effects on the body and the mind. What Johann is doing to you could be very, very dangerous.”

“How?” Avi inquired. “Making me cry so hard my whole body goes dry?”

Lucretia leaned forward. “Avi, have you noticed, in the last three sessions we’ve had, that you’ve done nothing but talk about Johann?”

Avi opened his mouth to say something, but ended up closing after a moment. She wasn’t wrong.

“You’ve said his music has a powerful effect on you, that it _pulls_ you. Like there’s nothing else in the world, even long after you’ve heard it. Avi,” Lucretia said, “is really nothing else going on in your life?”

“No… I mean, nothing _too_ important…”

“What about work?”

“Work is the same as ever.”

“What about your family? Did they answer your texts?”

“No. I mean, yes, mom called.”

“And you didn’t think to bring that up?”

“It was just the same shit as always. You know how she gets. I don’t even remember that call anymore.”

“What about your friends? You said Killian got a promotion ‘out of nowhere’, but was it? Wouldn’t she tell you about that personally?”

“I don’t know! I guess I wasn’t paying attention!”

“Why did you forget about the party?”

“I was worried about Johann! Because I care about him! Is that so bad? I was going to take him to the party, anyway, after he…”

Avi didn’t finish his sentence, but Lucretia caught on.

“He played something.”

Avi nodded. He felt very dizzy all of a sudden.

“And after that, when you went to your apartment-”

“No,” Avi cut her. “That wasn’t magic. _I_ asked him.”

“Are you sure?”

“I _know_ what I feel for Johann. Those are _my_ emotions, not something he magically implanted in my mind.”

Lucretia nodded. She didn’t question him further about that.

“And I know that everything else,” he went on, “the melancholy, the loneliness, the anger… those are _his_ emotions, not mine. I know that. I don’t like him because he tells me to, I like him because he shares that with me.”

Lucretia sat back on her seat. “And what will you do when it stops working?”

Avi blinked in surprise. “What?”

“Magic can only go so far,” Lucretia said. “Just like your body builds a resistance to the pills you’re taking, so will those charms lose their effects on you, especially when you’re aware of them. Will you stop liking Johann if he can’t make you feel those emotions anymore?”

“No!” Avi exclaimed. “No, of course not.”

Lucretia hummed to herself.

“I think it would be best for you to stay away from his music.” Avi was going to protest, but she cut him. “Until I can ascertain the nature of his power.”

Avi’s heart fell, though he nodded. “Alright, guess that’s fair.”

“You can still talk to him, if that’s worrying you,” she added. “If he truly means no harm, he will understand.”

 _And if he doesn’t?_ Though Avi didn’t voice that concern.

***

It was a long way home.

Avi’s mind replayed everything Lucretia said, still not taking the full meaning of it.

He would know if Johann was manipulating him, right? Well, he did hate him at first, but Avi was the one who tried to amend things between them first, often barging into Johann’s place uninvited, trying to soften him up with food. If anything, the one most suspicious here was…

“Avi!”

Avi’s heart skipped a beat.

Coming from the opposite side of the block was Johann.

“Hey, _you_!” Avi said in the least normal tone possible. He scolded himself for that, though Johann didn’t seem to notice.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Johann said when they caught up in front of the entrance to their building. “Are you going home?”

“Yeah, where else would I be going?” Real normal, Avi, not at all weird.

“That’s chill. I bought dinner,” Johann said, shaking the bag he carried in his hand. “Don’t worry, it’s one-hundo-percent vegan.”

Oh. Avi wasn’t expecting that. “Really? You didn’t have to, man.”

“Nah,” Johann shrugged. “It was the least I could do, after you made dinner and breakfast and shit.” He blushed a little when he added, “Thanks for the pancakes, by the way. They were nice.”

Avi felt himself blush too. “It was nothing! I’m glad you liked them.”

Avi was a little calmer as they climbed the stairs to his apartment. This was Johann, of course, the same guy he’d had a crush on ever since they collided on these same stairs a month ago. He could be an arrogant prick sometimes, but he wasn’t a bad guy.

As Avi opened the door, he couldn’t help remembering the events of last night. It was true that some parts of it were a bit fuzzy, but he still had a clear image of their time together. How it felt to finally have Johann in his arms.

Johann walked by him, leaving his violin on the counter like it was second nature by now. He noticed Avi staring.

“What? Do I have something in my face?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Johann was a little taken by surprise. He scoffed, looking the other way so his blush wasn’t as obvious. “You don’t have to ask.”

Avi crossed the short distance between them and took Johann’s face in his hands, kissing him softly. His heart raced in his chest, and when Johann took hold of Avi’s neck and tilted his head to deepen the kiss, he felt the weight of everything leave him.

There was no doubt about it. This emotion, what he felt for Johann, it was real.

Johann pulled apart just a moment to catch his breath, and Avi took it as a chance to get to his neck. Johann laughed when his beard scratched his skin. “Left you wanting more?”

“Mhm,” Avi hummed against his skin. He left a trail of kisses up to his ear, where he stopped to say, “Wanna skip to dessert first?”

“I’d love to,” Johann said, though he ended up pushing Avi away. “But I actually wanted to show you something first.”

Avi didn’t want to let go of Johann just yet, so with one hand on his face and the other around his waist, Avi listened. “Yeah?”

“I wrote a new piece.”

Avi’s stomach dropped.

“It’s a dance,” he went on. “I mean, the style of music is a dance, but you don’t have to dance, that’s just what they’re called.” Johann broke from Avi’s hold while he talked, which Avi didn’t put any resistance to, and opened his violin case. Inside was a stack of loose papers filled with music notations in pencil. “I’ve been working on it for a while, and I think it’s finally ready to share it with the world. But of course, I wanted your opinion first…”

That’s when Johann finally noticed the shift in Avi’s expression.

“Hey, is everything okay?”

Avi tried to sound as normal as possible. “Yeah! Yeah, no, I’m fine. A brand new composition? That’s awesome!”

“Are you sure you’re fine?” Johann asked, now visibly worried.

Avi had to tell him. Johann would understand. It didn’t have to be an accusation, Avi was under treatment and his therapist advised him to stay away from strong emotional influences for a while. He didn’t have to talk about charms, or magic, or anything that would make Johann feel bad.

He looked at Johann, trying to find the nicest way to say it.

But… it was the first thing Johann wrote in years.

“I’ll feel better when I hear it,” Avi said instead.

Just one more wouldn’t hurt.

And when Johann smiled, that small, unfairly cute smile, Avi did feel better again.

“Well, I hope it won’t make you feel worse,” Johann said, half-jokingly. “It’s a… very personal piece. A little different than I’m used to, but I’ve felt really inspired lately.”

“Coming from you, I’m sure it’s gonna be awesome.”

Johann tried to keep his cool under Avi’s praise, but those walls had been melting a lot more these days. He scattered the sheets of paper on the counter, then stood in position, and played.

It was an easy to follow melody, a little slow for what Avi would expect of a dance, but the notes flowed nicely in a catchy tune. Save for a couple double notes here and there, it wasn’t a very complex piece, so even Avi could hum along.

Avi applauded and cheered loudly when the music was over.

Johann looked at him, a rare look of anticipation in his eyes. “So,” he said, a little more nervous than Avi had expected, “what did you think?”

“It was great!”

“And?”

“I really liked the melody, very catchy!”

Johann waited at first, probably expecting Avi to say something else. His expression fell a little when he realized. “… That’s it?”

Avi was caught off guard. Shit, maybe Johann expected a more technical review? “I’m not good with music terms, but trust me, this is a dope song.”

“No, I mean, that’s fine, I know that. It’s just…” It seemed like he was having trouble saying what he meant. And he was _really_ nervous, more than Avi had ever seen him before. “Did it make you… _feel_ anything?”

And that’s when Avi noticed.

He didn’t feel anything at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be going on hiatus until August. Stay safe and take care.
> 
> EDIT: [here's some fun stuff to make the wait less hard on you](https://avijohann.tumblr.com/post/621114330609565696/melod%C3%ADa-extras)  
> EDIT 2: [I drew a scene from this chapter.](https://avijohann.tumblr.com/post/622945887332827136/there-was-nothing-else-in-the-world-for-him-beyond) Hang in there, we're getting closer to the next update.  
> EDIT 3: [GABY DID ART FOR THIS CHAPTER AND I'M CRYING IT'S SO GOOD GUYS SO GOOD GO CHECK IT OUT](https://sakuraspell.tumblr.com/post/629156292736548864/charmed-i-drew-this-inspired-by-my-friend)


	7. Abyss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avi fails to understand Johann.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience!

The silence that fell in Avi’s apartment wasn’t awkward. Avi would’ve taken awkward, uncomfortable and sweaty right then. Autumn was still weeks away, but when realization hit Avi, the feeling of warmth that had taken over him mere minutes ago vanished, leaving him cold.

“I’m sor-”

“It’s fine,” Johann said, setting the violin down on his case again. “This was just a work in progress anyway.”

Avi saw as Johann grabbed the zipper of the case and his heart only sank further. “I wasn’t paying attention,” he quickly tried to explain. “It’s been a long day, there’s a lot on my mind. Why don’t you play again-?”

“I said it’s _fine_ ,” Johann cut him off, but the way his voice cracked on the last word assured Avi of the opposite. “I was trying something new, and it didn’t work. It’s no big deal.”

“But you didn’t even tell me the name.”

Johann remained silent for a moment. Avi took it as a good sign.

“It doesn’t have one,” Johann whispered. He wasn’t meeting Avi’s gaze now.

The violin case closed.

Lucretia’s words echoed in Avi’s mind. She said the magic would start losing its effect, especially now that he was aware of it.

“Johann, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Johann said, still not looking at him. “This is already awkward.”

Awkward wasn’t the word for what Avi was feeling, but to be fair, he was really bad at feeling things. “I just don’t want you to think I didn’t like this piece. I really do! I admire how you can turn your own emotions into art.”

It was with great relief that Avi saw Johann turn back to him again. He even smiled, just for a moment. “Flattery can get you out of anything, huh.”

“I’m serious,” Avi said. He got up again and walked towards Johann. He wanted to hold him again, go back to how things were mere minutes ago and freeze time. “Maybe that’s why I couldn’t hear it this time. Maybe your emotions are just too complex for me. You know me, I’m kind of a simpleton.”

Avi took a step forward and reached out.

Johann took a step back, clutching the violin case tight.

“I think I should go,” he said.

It happened so fast Avi barely had time to understand that Johann had turned around and left through the door.

“No, wait!” Johann was already walking up the stairs to his own apartment when Avi reached the door. “Johann, I’m sorry-”

“ _Don’t apologize,_ ” Johann snapped back. His voice was cracking again. Avi couldn’t see his face but he was sure he was crying. “Please.”

Johann climbed the rest of the way. Before Avi could think of anything else to say, he heard the door to Johann’s apartment close.

When Avi entered his apartment again, he noticed the bag of food, still sitting on his counter.

***

Avi didn’t see Johann on Saturday.

He woke up early that day, and the first thought in his mind was the events of last night. His second thought was going upstairs and apologizing, but he caught himself before getting up. Johann had been pretty clear about not wanting an apology, though it didn’t make Avi feel less guilty. He still wasn’t sure what had happened, but it seemed a lot like it had been his fault.

In the end, Avi decided it was best to wait for Johann to come down on his own. The best thing he could do was distract himself until that happened. So, he decided to spend that morning focusing a little more on his workout routine, trying to push himself just a little more than usual.

By the time he finished, his pulse was racing, and sweat clung to his skin everywhere on that warm summer morning. He even managed to break his current record in push-ups. Avi felt good.

But Johann didn’t knock on his door during the morning.

That was fine, maybe it was too early for him yet.

Avi took a shower and tried to keep himself busy during the day. He rearranged his books by author and did some konmari on his old clothes.

Johann didn’t drop by lunch either.

After the dishes, Avi tried to think of other things to clean around, but his apartment was already in top shape. The last box of his move in had been unpacked weeks ago, so, that was a very short cleaning spree. Maybe he could watch a movie, or start a new show to binge, but after staring at his screen all afternoon, he realized he’d barely been paying any attention to the plot of the crime show he had picked. Avi couldn’t take his mind off of Johann.

Avi started to change his mind about dinner time.

After all, Johann rarely came down to Avi’s apartment unannounced, it was usually the other way around. Wasn’t it selfish of Avi to wait for him to make the first move? Maybe they could patch things over dinner, to make up for the food Johann left last night. Avi was going through his cabinets, trying to justify making lunch for two this close to the end of the month, when-

There was a knock on the door.

Avi ran. He wished there was another way to describe it, but it’s what he did, almost tripping over the stool on the way to the door. He opened it too fast, already running through the words he had practiced in his mind all day.

“I know you don’t want me to apologize, but I really am so sor-”

“EMERGENCY BLACKOUT.”

Avi almost fell backwards when he saw Mr. Garfield’s face.

“Wh-what was that?” He said, trying really hard not to seem shocked. At least the landlord didn’t seem bothered by this show of complete idiocy.

“I HAVE TO KILL THE POWER FOR AN HOUR TO FIX THE LIGHTING. PLEASE MAKE SURE YOUR ELECTRONICS ARE CHARGED.”

“Oh! Um, thanks for the heads up.” An idea came to Avi’s mind. “Excuse me, are you warning everyone in the building?”

“YES.”

“When you check out on Jo- I mean, the man upstairs, could you maybe tell him-”

“I ALREADY TALKED TO HIM. I CLIMB ALL THE WAY FIRST AND THEN GO DOWN.”

“Ah. Shit. Well. And how was he?”

“I DON’T GOSSIP.”

“I’m not-” Avi sighed. “Is there a chance you still could go back up with a message from me?”

“NO. GOOD-BYE.”

“But…”

Avi could only watch as the landlord left down the stairs. Well, that was that.

Avi sighed. Maybe it was for the best. He’d cook for one person that night.

It was a very long Saturday, and yet, when it was time for him to sleep again, Avi felt so lost. How could the day be over already? When the sleeping pills finally took effect, the last thought in Avi’s mind was the strong sense of something missing.

It was only next morning that he realized. Johann hadn’t played any music that day.

***

When his alarm went off on Sunday, Avi woke up with a groan.

He spent a solid minute staring at the ceiling. God, he really had it bad. First he forgot about his friends and now this. When had he become such a simp? At least today was a Carey Sunday. She’d knock some sense into him during their run.

He could use the fresh air, too. Avi had done his best to keep his anxiety at bay the day before, but he could sense it coming for him with every second that passed. He needed to blow some steam before that made him blow up.

It took him four minutes to get up. He felt a little better when blood started flowing down his body. It was a beautiful day. Maybe Johann would feel better enough to pay Avi a visit. Or maybe he wouldn’t. Avi tried to keep his expectations low, all the waiting the day before hadn’t really helped. It didn’t make him feel better, but it didn’t make him feel worse either. Avi really didn’t know how to feel. Guilty? Yes, but Johann had insisted it wasn’t his fault, so that wasn’t a productive emotion anyway. Maybe…

Maybe he just needed to stop thinking for a moment. God. If Carey had been there to listen to him, she would’ve made so much fun of him.

Avi looked at the clock as he got dressed. This was around when Carey called to tell him she was outside. Maybe he missed the call while he was in the shower? It would be very awkward if she barged in while he was dressing. He checked his phone, and indeed, he got a text from Carey while he was in the shower…

_something came up at home. tell you later. gonna miss our run today._

Oh.

Avi sat on his bed. Well, there went all his motivation for the day.

… No! He wasn’t going to let this ruin his Sunday. These things happened. He sure hoped Carey and Killian were okay, and Carey Sunday wouldn’t be the same without Carey. But he could still run on his own.

So Avi got up, finished dressing, grabbed his water bottle from the freezer, and started his Sunday like God demanded. For Carey. For himself.

Running on his own wasn’t as fun, but he already felt better when his pulse went up and the heat started to kick in. It was still early, the sun wasn’t at its strongest yet. The air was cold around him, making each breath he took hurt a little, but nothing he couldn’t handle. He had to take advantage of this weather, they only had a handful of weekends before Autumn settled in, and waking up in the morning cold would be harder and harder.

He checked his phone when he got to the river. Less than five minutes! “Woo! That’s a new record! How are you feeling, Ca…?”

Avi looked to his side, expecting to get a high five from Carey, but she wasn’t there.

Right, he was alone today.

Avi turned to follow the course of the river and carried on.

He tried to keep his mind clear, focus on the run, the heat, the air against his face, but soon, his worries caught up to him again.

What if Johann was actually mad at him? What if they never talked again? What if they had ended in just a one night fling? Avi never even got to ask Johann on a proper date.

_Ugh, this isn’t working!_

Running with Carey was one thing, but alone he was left only with his thoughts, and he’d been having a lot of those lately. When he finally got to the park, Avi took a moment to rest and drink some water. He took his phone and headphones out of his pack. Maybe clearing his mind wasn’t the course of action to take. This time, thinking about something else seemed better. He put his headphones on, and tried to choose something to listen to from his music folder.

Johann’s works were the first on the list.

A cool breeze blew against Avi’s body. When it came in contact with his sweat, a chill ran down his spine.

He really wanted to listen to them.

But he shouldn’t. Not after promising Lucretia. Even worse, he had broken that promise already, and for what? He hadn’t even felt anything at all.

… Could that happen with the other pieces? What if he couldn’t feel Johann’s music ever again?

Avi deleted the compositions from his phone, then locked it and put it back inside his pack again. That was something he really didn’t want to find out. He finished the rest of his run in silence.

Carey called later to apologize, about an hour after Avi got home. She didn’t sound worried, or even mad at Avi for the other day. Not that Carey was the one to hold grudges like that, but he still felt relieved. It would make things easier when Avi told her he was having boy problems.

“So, what happened?” He asked. “Is everything okay over there?”

“ _Yeah, just the panic of the moment. I tripped in the shower this morning and broke the handle. It was a big mess, so much water! But we already fixed it. Sorry I had to cancel on you so suddenly.”_

A flood.

Avi almost didn’t answer.

“It's fine. I’m glad you guys are okay. See you tomorrow.”

“ _See ya!_ ”

Avi left the phone on the counter and went back to making his lunch. He even forgot about everything he planned to tell Carey. His mind was racing now.

It had been a flood that brought him and Johan closer, too.

***

Johann didn’t play that night either. Avi didn’t know if that was for the best or not.

The strangest thing about adulthood was that life doesn’t stop when it felt like it should. During the weekend, it was easy to think about his small dispute with Johann as a momentary issue. They could spend the time at home thinking about what happened, and when they made out again everything would go back to normal. But Monday was here, as always, and Avi had to go to work, as Johann would later during the day. How could the world be back to normal if they weren’t? Well, that’s just how things were when you were a working member of society.

Avi spent a good part of the morning trying to focus on work, then spent the rest of the morning trying to understand it. “Where… where did all of this come from?”

He didn’t mean to say that outloud, but Davenport, ever so helpful, answered anyway. “These are the test results from the last project.”

Yes, Avi knew that in theory, but the numbers on his screen weren’t making any sense. “How many machines are we working with again?”

“Just the one.”

Avi couldn’t help the look of total confusion. “You can’t be serious. This is data is all over the place. How many tests did they do?”

Davenport raised an eyebrow.

“Avi, you were there for testing.”

Avi wanted to retort that he would remember testing something so weird… but, actually, he wouldn’t, would he? His memories from the last weeks were full of gaps.

He shook his head instead. “Yeah, it’s just that I can’t believe these numbers. Look at this,” he ran a quick command on the worksheet and turned his screen to Davenport to show him. “The standard deviation is twenty degrees.”

Davenport nodded. “Yes, this is within the expected performance of an arcane engine.”

Avi groaned. Of course, more magic. Was he that far gone he forgot there was an arcane engine in their workshop?

“I’ll handle the data analysis for this one, just be sure to finish pre-processing the data before lunch.”

“Roger that,” Avi said, trying not to cringe at the weird ass numbers he was getting.

Johann didn’t play on Monday either, though Avi heard him coming up the stairs later that night. He was the only person in the building who ever climbed to the last floor, and unlike the landlord, he actually made a sound when he walked. Aside from that, Avi didn’t get any other signs of life from him. When he left home in the morning his curtains were drawn, and when he came back from work at night his lights were off. There was a chance he would see them on if he left the building and looked up from outside, but maybe that was going a little too far. Still, he didn’t hear Johann that night either, not his music, nor anything else. It wasn’t like he expected him to move his furniture around and vacuum at almost midnight, but the silence was starting to wreck Avi’s nerves.

Actually, everything was starting to get on Avi’s nerves, Johann aside. When he went to work on Tuesday, he passed by the workshop right as they were doing more tests on the arcane engine. It hit the wall behind it and caused a toolbox sitting in a nearby shelf to fall over, dropping all the contents on the floor. The sound of it all crashing on top of itself rang in Avi’s head like a hammer, echoing in his mind for the next half an hour. It made his head ache, and the rest of the day wasn’t better. Magnus got into a pun-off with one of the guys across the room and they spent all of the day yelling at each other and laughing.

“Hey, guys, do you think you could tone it down?” He finally snapped at lunch, where the guys from the workshop also joined in the fun.

“Oh, come on,” Magnus said in a British accent, “are you not _‘aving_ a good time?”

Everybody laughed. Magnus raised his hand for a high five and three different hands tried to hit it at the same time.

Avi groaned. “Guys, seriously, my head is killing me, can you not do this right now?”

“Damn, Avi, hung over on a Tuesday? I like your style,” one of the guys joked. Avi rolled his eyes and went back to his station.

Magnus joined him a moment later, now visibly worried. “Hey, bro, is everything okay? You don’t look so hot today.”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I just came down with a migraine today.”

“Are you sleeping well?” And in a hushed tone, Magnus added, “Is this about Johann?”

Avi did remember to tell the guys about his issue with Johann the day before at the gym, though not the parts related to his possible magic. He had enough on his plate already without his friends thinking his neighbour was trying to manipulate him. He did tell them about their small “fight,” though. They all had successful romantic lives, surely they would know something Avi could do to patch things up. Of course, none of them thought he was at fault, because they loved and cared about him. Killian advised he wait a little more, Magnus offered to talk to Johann on his behalf, and Carey suggested he tell Johann to go fuck himself. Avi ended up taking Killian’s advice, evidently.

But he was still worried about it, and it was obvious enough that Magnus could see it was still bothering him.

Avi sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe. I am getting enough sleep, though, the pills are taking care of that.”

“Oh, right. Well, at least you’re not gonna have another sleep deprived murderous episode.”

Avi scoffed. “I haven’t killed anyone, dude.”

Magnus raised his hands. “I’m just saying! But, seriously, have you checked the secondary effects on these new pills? Maybe there’s something acting up.”

“Huh, I didn’t think about that. I left them at home, though, I can’t check right now.”

“You could google it!”

“I have no idea what they’re called, man. They had this longass chemical name.”

“Just search random key smashes until you get it!”

That actually got a smile from Avi. “Hey, that’s the funniest thing you’ve said all day.”

Magnus looked thoroughly offended. “Excuse you, my jokes are _punderful_!”

Avi groaned loudly, mostly for Magnus. He thrived on it.

The migraine didn’t go away, though. If it wasn’t the guys’ laughing, it was the roar of the engines, and if it wasn’t that, it was the cars outside, the people on the street, the people in the office typing so. Damn. Hard on their keyboards. Avi tried to drown the sounds with music, but that didn’t help either. It was all just noise to him. It wouldn’t help him. It was all so mediocre.

It wasn’t Johann’s music.

Avi groaned. It was a good thing his past self was wise enough to delete those files because he would’ve blasted them at full volume by now.

***

Johann didn’t play on Tuesday, and Avi’s migraine only got worse by Wednesday.

The constant pulsing in his head seemed to get stronger with every minute that passed. Avi tried to stifle it with pain killers and lots of water, assuming it might’ve been the lack of hydration, and while that seemed to keep it at bay for a couple hours in the morning, by noon he was already feeling it thump against his head. It made focusing on anything else impossible by lunch. Avi felt like his brain was about to explode any moment now.

He knocked on Davenport’s semi-open door before he left for his break. “It’s me. Can I talk to you for a second?”

Davenport turned around, not looking too surprised by Avi’s visit. “Ah, Avi, you’re just in time. I need to discuss some things related to the arcane engine, could you close the door?”

“Actually, I’m gonna be quick. My head’s been killing me all day and I don’t think I can keep staring at the screen any longer.”

“Oh,” Davenport said, his tone changing immediately. “I’m sorry to hear that, Avi. If it's too bad, please take the rest of the day.”

“Thanks,” Avi said, feeling the closest he’d been to relief in what felt like an eternity. “And about the current project, I already sent the last batch an hour ago, so hopefully this won't be too much of a setback.”

“Actually,” Davenport said, more serious now, “that’s what I wanted to talk about. This is not what I asked you to do.”

Avi would’ve looked confused if he were able to show any emotions besides pain right now. “You only asked for the pre-processing, right? Don’t tell me I heard you wrong, please.”

“No, I did ask that, but this is not the _data_ I asked for. I only noticed because there’s a missing field in the table. You pre-processed the wrong database, so I’m going to need you to do it right tomorrow.”

Avi didn’t even have the energy to feel upset about that.

“But I’m not scolding you!” Davenport rushed to assure him. “In your state it’s no surprise you’d end up making a mistake like this sooner than later. This is just more reason for me to let you take the day.”

Avi nodded and walked to his desk. By the look Magnus and everyone in the office was giving him, they must’ve heard the whole conversation. Maybe Avi should’ve closed that door. Ah, whatever, they would’ve found out sooner than later.

“See you at the gym?” Magnus asked.

“Not today, buddy,” Avi replied.

Maybe waiting until the sun was at its highest to leave wasn’t the best idea. The light outside hurt Avi’s eyes when he left the workshop, hitting him like a knife straight in his head. The heat didn’t help either. Avi tried to search for the nearest shadow before picking himself up and thinking of the best route to get home.

But he didn’t want to be home. The noise of the city was driving him nuts, but the thought of coming back to that, knowing Johann was upstairs, still not wanting to talk to him, still not playing, all the _silence…_

He didn’t feel guilty at this point. He wasn’t even sure if he felt anything, and that was worse than just feeling his head ache.

Avi walked the opposite direction until he found a café. He asked for an espresso and sat in the back, where it wasn’t well lit and the noises of the street didn’t reach as much when the door opened. He stayed there for the rest of the afternoon.

***

He must’ve fallen asleep. Or rather, Avi hoped he fell asleep. He didn’t have any memories of dozing off or waking up, but there was a chance he had just forgotten on top of all his other memory problems. The alternative was that he just sat in a coffee shop and stared at the void for hours.

Judging by the way one of the baristas avoided his gaze when Avi looked at the clock above them, it was probably the second.

Well, he wouldn’t be able to shop there ever again. At least he would be an interesting story the staff would tell at home or at parties. _Yeah, this one time we got a patron who asked for one espresso and spent the rest of our shift staring at a wall._ Avi got up with the confidence of a man who knew there wasn’t anything he could do to embarrass himself even more…

Until he saw a familiar face outside the store’s front. Tall, dark, impossibly handsome and believably snobbish.

“You!” He yelled in the middle of the shop, then groaned as his migraine resurfaced with his scream, _then_ noticed he was still making a fool of himself inside that poor shop. Scratch that, he couldn’t be seen anywhere near this side of town ever again.

On top of everything, the man hadn’t even heard him, so all of that was for nothing. Avi saw him walk away and his tired, pained brain only managed to signal “RUN” to every part of his body before the migraine stunned it again.

So Avi ran out of the store and after the conductor. “Hey!” Avi yelled, once again in vain. He had a name. What was his name? “Kravitz!” Avi said more as an answer to his question than a call to his name.

But it worked this time. Kravitz finally turned around, just in time to see Avi stop abruptly behind him, clutching his head after all that effort.

“Can I help you?” he said in a way that sounded very polite for someone who’d obviously rather be somewhere else.

“Yes, just a minute,” Avi lowered his hand and forced a smile. “I’m Avi. Er, we met during a concert, I am-”

“Johann’s plus one,” Kravitz finished, as he could recognize Avi now that he wasn’t covering his head in pain. “Yes, of course I remember you.”

Good, that made things easier. “Actually, it’s funny you mention him. I wanted to know if…”

Avi cut himself, finally realizing he didn’t really know what to ask. If what? If he was okay? If he was still playing? If he hadn’t quit after Avi had crushed his dreams and hopes?

Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, Kravitz seemed to pick up on Avi’s intention better than himself. “Ah, I assume you’re the reason he’s been like _that_ lately.”

Avi’s heart sank in his chest. He felt that guilt overcome him again, a knot forming on his throat. “Like how? What happened to him?”

“He’s been a good team member for once, finally letting other people play without overshadowing them, not interrupting every time I talk. I admit it was nice at first, but I’ve been suspecting something must be wrong when he didn’t argue with me about seat placements.”

“Oh.” Well, that was a relief. Johan hadn’t stopped playing completely, even if the implication was that he was only depriving Avi of his music, and that was a little hurtful.

“If I may ask,” Kravitz went on, “what on Earth did you do to him? I don’t mean to pry if it’s a personal matter, of course, but you must understand my curiosity. Johann’s ego is not easy to break.”

“No, no, it’s fine… though I guess it _is_ a personal matter.” Avi wondered if he could tell Kravitz just like that. He was the only other person who seemed to know Johann enough to help Avi decipher this.

“A lovers’ quarrel?”

That actually made Avi laugh. “God, I wish it was that simple.” At least Avi had experience with relationships. Musicians, on the other hand… well, he didn’t lose anything by asking. “I’m sorry, this is probably a dumb question, but can music be magic?”

And, to Avi’s surprise, Kravitz’s demeanor completely shifted. He sighed, loud and long, and any pretense for a polite conversation was thrown to the side as his tone dropped to a more serious note. “So you’ve been exposed to his music.”

Exposed. Not ‘listened’, but subjected to it. Like there was a danger to it. Like Avi had come in contact with something dangerous.

The last bit of hope he held so tightly after his last appointment with Lucretia left, and Avi’s world finally shattered.

“So he… has really been charming me.”

Kravitz’s expression softened, if only for a moment. Even then, Avi wondered how bad he must’ve looked for him to react like that.

“How about we discuss this somewhere more private?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is gonna be titled Tea /j


	8. Explorer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz spills the tea.

Only after Kravitz had hailed a cab and the two were sitting inside did Avi start to question if following a semi-stranger to an unknown destination was a good idea. He was still groggy from the pseudo nap he took at the coffee shop, maybe he should’ve taken a second to think about this? Kravitz’s reluctance to talk didn’t help.

“So, Johann’s music…”

“Not here,” Kravitz cut him off, then proceeded to take his phone and ignore Avi for the rest of the trip.

Well, that was rude. At least the inside of the taxi was comfortably cool, and once they drove outside the center of the city through smaller streets, the banging in Avi’s head quieted down too.

He didn’t recognize these buildings, though the truth was, in his time living in Neverwinter, he never had the chance to get to know the place. This was supposed to be the cultural center of the kingdom, but Avi wasn’t really one for museums or the theatre, and all his friends lived close by.

Avi wanted to ask Kravitz where exactly they were going, but he was busy talking to someone over the phone about “bringing someone” with him, and to please “make arrangements”.

… Arrangements? For what? Oh, God, was Avi in trouble?

Right, Kravitz’s whole demeanor changed when Avi mentioned music and magic, and he refused to talk about it in public. Maybe it was a secret of the musicians? And now that Avi knew the truth, they had to get rid of him? Shit. This was bad. Avi had to get out of that taxi fast. He tried to reach stealthily for the door’s handle, but of course it was locked. No, what was he doing? He couldn’t jump from a moving car, he was barely awake, and Johann knew where Avi lived, so they could find him easily. Dear God. What was he gonna do?

The car stopped. It was too late. Avi looked out the window to what would be the place of his death… A nice little house in the suburbs. He stared dumbfounded for a moment until Kravitz knocked on his window from the other side, pointing at the entrance of what could only be his home.

Avi quickly got out, thanked the driver for his work, and followed Kravitz, hoping he didn’t notice the freakout.

The door was open by a fancy little boy in glasses. “Hello, sir,” the kid said to Avi. Then, he turned towards Kravitz and said, matter of factly, “You’re in trouble.”

Kravitz sighed as he reached to hug the boy. “I know, I know. How was school today, Angus?”

“It was fun. We’re finally starting on second level spells. Would you like to see a demonstration?”

Kravitz’s smile only grew wider. “Maybe later. Is Taako back already?”

“I’m in the kitchen,” a voice came from around the hall, then an Elf walked through the door, holding a bag of groceries in one hand, “because _someone_ decided to bring a guest last minute.”

Angus looked at Kravitz with an expression that could only be described as I-told-you-so. Kravitz pretended to wince when the Elf known as Taako walked to him, and Avi feared they would start to fight right then and there in front of him, so when instead Taako gave Kravitz a kiss, Avi almost sighed in relief.

Taako then turned towards him, and Avi figured this would be a great time to introduce himself.

“Erm, hi! I’m Avi, Kravitz’s… co-worker’s… neighbour?”

“He’s a friend of Johann,” Kravitz filled in helpfully.

“So Johann has friends now?” Taako said. Avi would’ve laughed at that joke two weeks ago. “Do you have any dietary restrictions?”

“Huh?” That’s when Avi realized what the fuss with the groceries was about. “Oh, no, don’t worry about me! I don’t want to intrude.”

“You don’t have a choice in the matter, kiddo. Will you tell me what you can eat or are you feeling like having an allergic reaction today?”

Avi looked between Taako, then Angus, then Kravitz. They all seemed pretty interested in his answer.

“I’m vegan,” Avi finally said.

Taako raised his one free hand. “Was it that hard?” And he returned to the kitchen, mumbling to himself. “Fucking vegans, never shut up about it until you actually want them to talk.”

That also seemed to be all the information Angus wanted from Avi, so he too left up the stairs to go do whatever it was kids did these days.

“Well, dinner is gonna take a while. Shall we talk over a cup of coffee?”

“Just water for me, please,” Avi said, not wanting to disassociate again in Kravitz’s house.

Kravitz took Avi to the living room, which was almost as big as his own apartment. That wasn’t to say this place was a mansion, it actually reminded Avi of his own childhood home back in Brandybuck. But, after getting used to his place, it was easy to notice all the ways in which it was different. Like the fancy furniture and curtains, the great piano in the middle of the room, so many books, a wall separating the kitchen! Open concept kitchens were a lot nicer in theory, but not having to worry about spilling into the living room sounded really nice.

Kravitz was, in Avi’s mind, the meaning of the word “adult”. He had a stable income job, his own house, a husband and a kid, and a social life beyond the three friends who still cared about him. Avi never fantasized about the suburban life, or riches, or having contacts in high society. But coming home to a loving family…

“How much have you heard?”

Avi snapped back to reality, a little embarrassed for the direction his mind went. Fortunately, he wasn’t so far gone he forgot what they had come here to talk about.

“A lot,” he said.

“How many pieces is a lot?”

“He plays… _used_ to play for me, for about a month. We usually met two or three days a week, so, twelve pieces, give or take? Ah, but last week we went to the park, and he had an impromptu concert there, after your…”

Avi didn’t finish, but Kravitz seemed to catch on to what he was talking about. He sighed, long and heavy, less like a man tired of the insubordination of an employee and more like a disappointed parent. “That’s so typical of him. Instead of taking any criticism he looks for praise somewhere else.”

Now, Avi might’ve had a lot of conflicted thoughts about Johann right then, but he wasn’t going to let Kravitz badmouth him like that. “For your information, _I_ was the one who asked him to play. No matter what you or anyone in the classical music field says, his music _is_ good. I mean,” Avi combed his hair with one hand, trying not to think about the pulsing in his head, “isn’t the fact that he can literally _change people’s emotions_ enough proof? Isn’t that the whole point of art? How can someone that could make everyone feel so… so _alive_ , with just _music_ , not be the new Mozart?”

Kravitz listened to Avi talk with an unreadable expression. When that was done, he said, “Alright”, then got up, to Avi’s surprise, and walked to the piano without another word.

Avi waited for Kravitz to say anything, like, at least acknowledge his rant, even if only to tell him how wrong he was. Kravitz only looked through a folder resting on top of the piano, took a couple pages from it, and started playing. Avi was so surprised he didn’t even ask what that was all about.

It was a slow, sad tune, the kind Avi could picture playing during a sad scene in a TV show or movie. It was a little repetitive for Avi’s taste, and while the melody sounded familiar, it wasn’t noteworthy enough for Avi to attribute it to a specific origin. Maybe it was just how generic it was.

Kravitz didn’t play for long, not that Avi minded. He turned around again and asked, “What do you think?”

Avi shrugged. “It was nice.”

“Is this piece familiar to you?”

“I don’t know, maybe? It sounds like any other sad song to me. I’m sorry, what does this have to do with Johann? If this is an example of what ‘real’ classical music sounds like, I still like his work better.”

Kravitz wasn’t really acknowledging Avi’s answers, why did he even ask him stuff anyway? He picked up the sheet music he was using to play, turned to the first page, and said, “Let’s see, this one is called _Solitude_. Does that ring any bells?”

Avi stared at Kravitz. “What did you say?”

“I believe this is one of his first compositions, if the date here is accurate. Hm, maybe it was a bad choice, considering-”

“That can’t be right,” Avi cut him. “You must have the wrong sheet, this sounds nothing like _Solitude_.”

Now, finally, Kravitz seemed to listen to him. “You sure about that?”

“Johann has played it for me a bunch of times before, and it was completely different.”

“How so?”

Avi scoffed. “Like a masterpiece? This is just a generic sad song. Johann’s music moves people to tears, and I would know, it’s my favorite work of his.”

“Then sing it,” Kravitz said.

Avi was taken by surprise. “Uh, excuse me?”

“If you know this piece so well, then you should be able to remember the melody.”

Avi was about to answer he didn’t sing, and even if he did he wouldn’t do it just to prove a point. He knew Johann’s music better than Kravitz…

But, when Avi tried to remember that piece, the real _Solitude_ , there was nothing in his mind.

No, that wasn’t right. He remembered the _feeling_ of it, the soul crushing loneliness that took ahold of you when you listened, and it was such a strong, everlasting impression, that only thinking about it made a knot form in Avi’s throat, like he was about to cry.

But the actual _melody_ was nowhere to be found.

Avi’s head started aching again, making it even harder to think about it.

“Shall I play this on the violin, then? Maybe it’ll help you remember.”

“No!” Avi yelled, then recoiling when the noise of his own voice made his head hurt even more. But this was Johann’s composition, Kravitz couldn’t play it like him. It would be… wrong.

“Or if you’d like, why don’t you sing any of his work?” Kravitz insisted. “You’ve heard quite a lot of them. Surely some of them had to stick with you.”

And Avi remembered hearing them, every single one, and the emotions they made him feel. The melancholy, nostalgia, despair, rage. Emotions so much more real than anything Avi had felt in years. However, there wasn’t a single melody in Avi’s mind he could link to them.

Avi looked at Kravitz again, and he looked like he knew exactly what Avi was going through. Avi asked, almost pleaded to him, “Why can’t I remember anything?”

Kravitz hummed to himself, seemingly in thought. It reminded Avi of Lucretia when she was about to give Avi bad news. It must’ve been a difficult topic. Kravitz clicked his tongue, then asked, “Do you know what a Bard is?”

Avi raised an eyebrow, a little confused. “Those middle-age clowns with funny pants and lutes?”

Kravitz rolled his eyes. “That’s a no then. See, in the music field, Bard is the name we have for people who can channel magic through music.”

Easy as that. Avi almost felt it anticlimactic. “Wait, so this is actually a thing?”

“It’s not very common,” Kravitz said, “but not especially rare either. Everyone has the capacity of casting magic, some easier than others. Bardic magic used to be a popular discipline centuries ago. Some believe it has to do with how formal arcane education wasn’t as accessible to the common folk back then.”

“So if I learned how to play an instrument I could cast magic?”

“Maybe,” Kravitz said, “but there’s a reason bards aren’t as common today, even among professional musicians, such as myself. You have to be a master in your craft.”

“Like Johann,” Avi said.

Kravitz sighed. “No, Johann’s case is special.”

“More special yet?”

“He is a natural Bard, a pure prodigy. In a way, someone who’s first tongue is music. While most of the people who chose this career have an affinity for music, for people like Johann it’s part of their very own selves. For a natural bard, any music comes… well, naturally. Do you know how many instruments he can play?”

Avi remembered all the instruments he’d seen at Johann’s place. “A lot. He barely has any space to move in his apartment… But I thought that was normal? I mean, classical musicians always seem to play more than one instrument.”

“Yes, it’s easier to learn how to play something once you’ve gotten the basics of music theory down, especially if you already know an instrument that’s similar to the one you’re learning, such as strings, or winds. But there are small nuances that make a world of difference even among instruments of the same family, such as violins and violas, and a professional musician will usually spend most of his time perfecting his skills with his preferred instrument. A flutist will always play the flute better than the piccolo. Johann, on the other hand, is a master of every instrument he learns, and learning doesn’t take him as long as it does the rest of us mortals.”

Avi was impressed. Even after all this time knowing Johann, it seemed like there was always something new about him that blew Avi away.

“So he’s perfect.”

“Almost. Unfortunately, he’s just a mediocre composer.”

Avi wasn’t even taken aback by that. He was starting to wonder when Kravitz would make a dig at him. “Could’ve found a nicer way to say that at least.”

“It is what it is. Besides, he has enough talents already, don’t you think?. It’s only fair there would be something he wasn’t immediately good at. Raw talent can only take you so far, and music composition takes work, a lot more than Johann is willing to put in.”

“That’s just mean.”

“That’s the truth, Avi,” Kravitz said, and Avi could hear a hint of the same tone he had used with Johann last week at the conservatorium. “The only reason his music sounds good to you is because he is a damn good violinist, one capable of bringing every emotion out of a piece, to the point it becomes magic, and that power only increases when he’s playing a piece he composed himself, because he knows them better than anyone else.”

“But then it doesn’t matter if the piece is good or bad in _theory_. _He_ can play them, isn’t that enough?”

“Not if he wants to be taken seriously as a composer.” He took the sheet music for _Solitude_ and waved it in front of him, to make a point. “I won’t lie to you, Avi, I cried when I first heard this piece. Johann came to me after rehearsal one night, said he was an aspiring composer and he could use my opinion on his work. I was moved to tears, and if I hadn’t asked for a copy of the sheet music maybe I would’ve believed he was the new coming of Johann Sebastian Bach himself for the rest of my life. But as you just heard, the piece drastically changed when I tried to play it here at home. I knew it wasn’t this amateurish composition that moved me to tears. What use does it have, then, writing so many pieces no one else but him can play?”

Avi didn’t have an argument against that.

“And all of that,” Kravitz went on, “is just the tip of the iceberg. We still haven’t touched on whether or not exposing others to those levels of magic is safe. You yourself seem to be going through a very bad episode of magic withdrawal.”

Avi’s head pulsed when Kravitz said that. He groaned. “Thanks for reminding me.”

“I’ve tried to warn him, you know?” Kravitz added, more serious now. “He doesn’t know how to control it. Magic spills like sand through his fingers. It’s very messy, and the effect it has on others is very hard to manage. I offered help once. My husband is a professor of Arcane Theory at the Neverwinter University, and he would gladly teach him-”

“Not anymore!” Taako said from the kitchen. “That ungrateful bastard can shove it!”

Kravitz tried to hide a snort. “Well, Johann refused. He thinks I’m implying the reason people like his music is because he charms them to like it. Whether or not he does it on purpose is beyond the point by now. Johann is, undoubtedly, the best musician of his generation. But he is arrogant, inconsiderate, and doesn’t know a fraction of what anyone else in his position would. I know he thinks he’s doing me a favour staying in the orchestra, and I admit his addition to our numbers has done more good than bad, but as he is right now, he has no future in classical music. No one else would accept someone as sloppy and undisciplined as him.”

Avi couldn’t respond to that, or anything Kravitz had said, even if deep in his heart Johann was the best musician in the world to him.

But his head was starting to kill him again, and the more time passed after the last time he heard Johann play at their makeshift concert, the worse his entire body felt. That wasn't normal. What Johann did wasn’t normal, or good to Avi.

The silence between the two of them was broken by a cough. Angus was at the bottom of the stairs, holding a big book with a colorful drawing of a wizard on it. “Dinner is ready.”

Kravitz’s expression did a complete turn when he saw the boy. “We’ll be right there, Angus, thank you.”

Angus left to what Avi assumed was the dining room. Man, a separate room to eat. Adult life was really something else, huh.

When Kravitz spoke again, his voice was back to that polite tone he used to greet semi-strangers on the street. “You still haven’t told me what happened between you two.”

Avi sighed. “I was hoping you forgot about that,” Avi joked with a half-laugh, though he was still too tired for it to come out right. “I lied, earlier. There’s one piece I remember.”

Kravitz raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“You don’t know it, it’s new… at least that’s what Johann told me. And it wasn’t bad. I mean. I don’t know if you would call it good, but _I_ liked it. It was nice, it’s just… it didn’t make me _feel_ anything.”

“Huh,” Kravitz said, probably reconsidering some things he thought he knew about Johann. Or at least that’s what Avi wished. “Is that why you fought?”

It wasn’t really a fight, but Avi was too tired to correct him. “Yes. He didn’t say it outright, but when I told him what I told you just now, that I liked it but it didn’t make me feel anything, he took it badly. We haven’t talked since.”

Kravitz hummed to himself.

“Do you think…” Avi said, “he was actually trying to charm me?”

“I’m not sure,” Kravitz said. “Mostly because he himself doesn’t like to think about his powers. I think the most likely explanation is that he was expecting you to praise him, and when he didn’t get that, he got frustrated.”

It was a reasonable explanation, one that finally took all the guilt from Avi. It was better than the other option, the one where Avi had fucked up in some mysterious way. But it didn’t make him feel better. Surely, Avi was more to Johann than a walking praise machine, right?

“Shall we go?”

“Yes, sorry.”

No, the truth was, even that would be fine. Knowing the true reason behind his actions was secondary.

Avi just wanted to see Johann again.

***

Dinner was great, though.

Avi got home a little later than ideal. His med alarm went off in the middle of dessert -which had also been great- and when he finally went to bed it was about two hours past his bedtime.

The building was completely silent. In the days prior, Avi had considered skipping on his sleeping pills to stay up just a little longer, in case Johann played later in the night. Maybe that’s why Avi hadn’t heard him all week, they just had very different schedules… But no, he wouldn’t get anything by ruining his mental state even more.

Lucretia was right, Johann’s music was harming him.

But he still missed it.

The sleeping pills wouldn’t take effect for another ten minutes. Ten minutes filled with thoughts and anxieties. It had been a long day. A long week, really, and Avi couldn’t get his mind to rest. His head was still killing him. ‘Magic withdrawal’, Kravitz had called it. Hopefully it would all go away in the morning.

Avi stared at the ceiling. The lights were turned off, but he could still see the details of its texture under the lights coming from an opening between the curtains. Neverwinter didn’t rest. The lights of the city shone bright even as midnight came and went. Avi had never felt more alone.

Was this really what he pictured when he set to get his life right again? He’d gotten really far in the past year, and yet it wasn’t very different, not really. The place was different, but the stress was the same.

The sleeping pills finally took effect around twenty four past twelve. The last thing Avi felt was that sense of worry. It was the only thing that stayed with him that long.

***

**Davenport**

Can’t come in today. Head’s still killing me.<

***

**+555 xxx xxxx**

>yo johann!! this is magnus

>you know from the concert

>avis best friend

>er look i know you and avi arent really talking right now

>but he didnt come to work today

>he hasnt looked that good this week

>and hes not picking up when I call him

>could you check up on him?

>if youre still home that is

>I would go myself

Im on my way<

>but, you know, work

>THANKS YOURE A SAINT

***

It was the fastest Johann had ever woken up.

He could feel his pulse going two hundred beats per minute, as he dressed up, opened the door, and ran downstairs. It was a miracle he didn’t trip and fall on his way there.

He knocked on Avi’s door, maybe too fast, definitely too loud, but if Avi was in trouble he didn’t want to risk it.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit, what if something had happened to him?

The door opened to reveal… Avi still in his pajamas.

Johann’s pulse slowly settled down.

Avi’s eyes took a moment to adjust to the light, but when he looked at Johann, recognition finished waking him up. “Hey,” he said.

“Hi,” Johann replied.

“You’re up early.”

“You’re up late.”

A small smile appeared on Avi’s face, and only then Johann relaxed again.

“Come in. I’ll make coffee.”

It would be a long morning.


	9. Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avi and Johann talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience. This chapter is shorter and was very hard to write and edit. I hope you don't find it hard to read, and that it answers your questions.

The clock on Avi’s kitchen counter showed it was a little past ten in the morning. It really was late for his standards. Avi didn't mean to oversleep, but after calling Davenport to let him know he'd be skipping work that day, his brain just… turned off. He was exhausted. If left to his own, Avi would have stayed in bed all day.

That seemed to be the case for Johann too; he looked like he had just woken up, even his clothes looked wrinkled and carelessly put on, like he’d just put what he wore yesterday. Avi suspected it hadn’t been Johann’s idea to come check up on him. Maybe he didn’t even want to be here.

Maybe he still resented Avi.

Avi had hoped their reunion would be on better terms, or at least with him dressed in more than his pajamas. But it was the first time he’d seen Johann in a week, and the thought of letting him go after all this time was unbearable.

“I’m sorry.”

Johann, who was pointedly trying to not look Avi in the eye, scoffed into his cup. “Why? I woke _you_ up. If anyone is at fault here it’s Magnus for texting me in the middle of the morning.”

Ah, so it had been Magnus after all. He must have worried when Avi didn’t make it to the workshop that day.

“Ha, I guess that’s true. But I wasn’t talking about that.”

This time Johann got what he meant. His expression soured. “I already told you not to apologize for that.”

“Johann, please-”

“Jesus christ, Avi,” he put his cup down and, finally, looked at him. “That literally doesn’t matter! I came all the way here to check on you, have you even looked in a mirror lately? You look like shit, man, what happened to you?”

Avi sighed, not sure where to even start with everything that was wrong with him. “I’m sorry, Johann.”

Johann scoffed. He got up from his seat, now visibly angry at Avi. “Fine,” he said curtly, “if you don’t want to tell me then I’ll just-”

“I’ve been lying to you,” Avi interrupted him.

That got Johann to reconsider. He sat down and sighed. “Fine, I’ll bite. What do you mean?”

“Last week,” Avi said, “when you asked if I was fine.”

The last traces of impatience slowly left Johann expression as he now looked at Avi with increasing concern.

The next part was difficult to say, but Avi knew if he didn’t do it now he’d probably never get another chance. And really, it wouldn’t make things worse than they already were.

Avi breathed in deep. “It’s your magic,” he said, “It’s hurting me.”

Johann gasped. He covered his mouth, eyes open wide, but not in surprise. What Avi saw in them was guilt.

“You knew about this, didn’t you?”

“I…” Johann stuttered. With a sigh, he finally admitted, “Yes."

Avi sighed. Well, at least they were on the same page now.

“I know the…” he had trouble saying the next part, ” _effect_ my music has on people. But Avi, I’m sorry, I never meant to…”

“Charm me?”

“No! Of course not! I would never do that to you!”

Avi wanted nothing but to reassure Johann that it was fine… but it really wasn’t, and pretending otherwise would only hurt them both further. He took comfort in the fact Johann didn’t seem to be lying about that, at least.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were hurting?”

“The truth is, I only found out last friday myself. I didn’t want to believe it at first, and then, when I finally decided to tell you, you showed up with a new composition and…” Avi sighed. “If I’m being honest, a big part of me just didn’t care about it. I don’t think I really understood how much of a problem it was until after you left. I was starting to depend on your music to carry me during the day, like it _fueled_ me. I’m not sure if I would call it an addiction? But it has one hell of a hangover.” He laughed. “My head’s been hurting all week.” Avi said the last part in a lighter tone, hoping it would alleviate the tension between the two of them.

It didn’t work. The concern in Johann’s expression only grew. “What do you mean you were addicted? My music always makes you cry.”

“Yeah.”

“So you are… addicted to crying?”

Avi laughed. “I guess you could say I’m addicted to the catharsis? It’s just so rare for me to feel strong emotions. The last time I cried, before we met I mean, I was still in middle school.”

“... Wait, seriously?”

“It wasn’t, like, something big or anything, I just failed a test. I don’t even remember what subject it was. My parents were like, ‘Crying won’t fix this, you need to study more.’ And then those words just stuck with me.

“That’s… really fucked up.”

“I know, right?” Avi laughed.

Johann frowned. He wasn’t finding it amusing. Right, this wasn’t therapy. He’d have to fill Johann in.

“I was… put under a lot of pressure when I was a kid. My family had really high expectations for me. They always told me I had to study hard and get good grades, so I could get into a good University and major in something that would give me money and prestige. We weren’t, like, completely broke, but you know how higher education is. If I prepared well for entrance exams I could save myself the worry of student loans.

“I wasn’t a genius or anything, I just worked hard, and it paid off. I got into Neverwinter University’s Engineering program, my parents were happy, and I could finally stop worrying about my future.

Avi breathed in, then sighed. “But… I wasn’t happy there. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t torture or anything. I had fun, I learned, and met new people. It was just that at times it felt like I didn’t know what I was doing there. I’d worked my whole life to get there, and then I did, so what now? I never thought about what I wanted to _do_.

“Like, some of my classmates were passionate about engineering, others just wanted a stable career to settle down and start a family, or use the money to travel the world. And then, there was me, who had spent all my life worried about grades, and studying, and being smart enough to earn my place in the world. And I got it, but then what? I didn’t care about mechanic engineering that much, to be honest, or even the money.

“So then, in my last semester, I decided to change majors. Maybe the reason I wasn’t happy was because Engineering was just something my parents decided for me. So I thought to myself, flying sounds kinda cool, so in my fifth year I started again in Aviation. My parents weren’t happy, as you can imagine, and my scholarship was only good for four years, so I took a loan, thinking I could pay everything once I was out in the world flying.

“But aviation didn’t make me happy either. Not in my first year, or my second, or my third. And it’s not like I was _sad_ either, or angry at myself. I was just frustrated, because no matter how much I worked to convince myself, I still felt exactly the same as I felt in engineering. And in High School. And pretty much all of my life.

“As I reached fourth year, it finally dawned on me that maybe I would never be happy, and the thought became so unbearable that I couldn’t focus on my studies anymore. For the first time in my life, I was failing all my classes, and I couldn’t even find it in me to feel sad or angry about it. I knew that wouldn’t fix anything.

“I ended up dropping later that year.”

Avi felt a little out of breath after he was done. It was the second time he told someone about it, the first time being Lucretia, and he was a little tired after talking so much.

Johann looked at him, clearly not knowing what to say to all of that. Shit, maybe dropping all of that on him hadn’t been a good idea. “Avi, I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t know…”

“No, Johann,” Avi rushed to say. “You don’t have to apologize. It’s not like you could’ve known. I’m not really good at sharing about myself. There really isn’t a natural way to say, ‘Hello, I have clinical depression!’”

“But you don’t look depressed.” Johann slapped his mouth. “Sorry, that was shitty. I don’t mean to invalidate you, I believe what you said. I just can’t understand how you can be the way you are after going through all of that. You seem so…”

“Happy and friendly all the time?”

“You’re so adult!” Johann said “You cook for yourself, you exercise, go out with friends, your house is always tidy, you… you even have two body towels!”

“Aw, you noticed.”

“And, yeah, you’re nice and friendly. Basically, you have your shit together.”

Avi smiled softly, “That’s the thing, Johann. I don’t do these things because I beat depression. All of _that_ is what helps me keep my mental health in check. I exercise because it gives me endorphins, I became vegan because it forced me to learn how to cook for myself, and I clean as soon as I finish using something because if I let things pile up I know I won’t be able to tackle them later. And everyday I have to convince myself of doing those things. Waking up, taking a shower, getting dressed, all are things I have to run on my mind before doing them, and even then sometimes I have days where I can’t. That’s why I still go to therapy every two weeks, after two years, and I only made the decision to get professional counseling because Killian forced me to just as I was about to move back with my parents. The hardest part was asking for help when I didn’t have a job or even a place to stay, because I felt I didn’t deserve any of it after failing at the only thing I was supposed to do.”

“That’s not true, of course you deserve…”

Johann moved his hand, as if on reflex, trying to reach for Avi, but he stopped himself when he noticed.

So, Avi reached out to him. He squeezed Johann’s hand, smiling, and went on. “I do know that now,” he said, “but, you know, depression isn’t something you can cure completely.

“When I heard your music, I thought…, well, that I had found a magical solution to all my problems. Turns out it was just magic and no cure after all.”

Johann squeezed Avi’s hand back. “But why my music? If it only made you sad, why did you keep listening?”

“Because feeling sad is better than not feeling at all,” Avi shrugged. “And, like, it’s not that I don’t know how emotions feel. Sadness, anger, joy, I’ve had them before. I know in theory what it is like. They just don’t come naturally to me anymore. When I heard your music- or, I guess, when I felt it for the first time, it was like my whole world had been in black and white and suddenly I could see colors. I clinged to you because you gave me something I thought I had lost. And not only that, _you_ yourself have so many emotions, and dreams! And I do want to help you achieve them, even if only because I never had one. That wasn’t your magic, Johann, just me being selfish.”

Johann scoffed. “Only you can think helping others is selfish.”

“It is if I have my motives.”

Johann rolled his eyes. For a moment, it was like they were back to their usual banter.

Squeezing Avi’s hand tight, Johann sighed. “I’m sorry, you’ve done so much for me and all I did was hurt you. I don’t even know how to pay you back.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Johann,” Avi said. “And it’s not like you can do anything to cure my depression.” Avi laughed, “Unless you have a magic song that makes me feel happy, but you’ll have to play it on repeat forever.”

Johann looked down. “I’m sorry, I… don’t think I can do that.”

“Oh, no, Johann, I wasn’t being _serious_ -”

“I don’t have any happy music.”

Avi was cut short. An understanding silence fell between them.

“Can you just stay?” Avi said then. “For a while?”

Johann looked up at Avi and smiled softly. “Of course.”

***

Having Johann around was the best motivation for Avi to cook a decent meal, instead of just eating a block of tofu and calling it a day, like he originally planned.

“Ew, doesn’t that taste bad?”

“Clearly you’ve never had tofu. It doesn’t taste like anything.”

Johann laughed.

Being able to talk with Johann again was all Avi needed. It was still awkward, as Johann was still processing what Avi had told him, while Avi was still concerned about their fight last week. Avi’s headaches didn’t help, either. But all in all it had been a good day. They even got to gossip about his trip to Kravitz’s home.

“I think he was actually worried about you,” he said from his spot on the futon, where he laid on his back while Johann did the dishes (the least he could do, in his own words. Avi would be lying if he said he didn’t appreciate the help.)

“You’re probably confused because of the hangover. Kravitz only cares about his job.”

“I don’t know,” Avi yawned. Exhaustion was catching up to him again. “He got all serious when I asked about you.”

Johann didn’t comment on that.

Avi dozed on and off after lunch, with Johann by his side on the very small space left in the futon. That is, until he got tired of falling from the edge and pressured Avi to move until his lap was under Avi’s head. It was pretty comfortable.

At some point, Avi must’ve fallen asleep, and he dreamed of that melody again, the one Johann had played last week. Only, this time it wasn’t a violin, just a hum.

Avi woke up in his bed later that day, when Magnus called to check in on him. Johann was already gone, and Avi tried to not think too hard about how the tiny musician managed to carry him to bed.

“Yeah, I’m feeling better now,” he told Magnus, whose tone calmed down almost immediately. “I’ll still stay home tomorrow. I want to make sure the migraine is gone so as not to trigger it back with that awful engine’s rattles.”

_“Understandable! I’ll check on you tomorrow after work!”_

“Thank you.”

_“And don’t stay in bed all day, remember to stretch and drink water!”_

“Okay, mom,” Avi said, rolling his eyes even if Magnus couldn’t see them. He would have to get up earlier tomorrow, anyway.

***

“Avi, I’m glad you called,” Lucretia said as soon as she opened the door.

“Hey, doc. Thank you for seeing me on such a short notice.”

“It’s no problem. I’m happy you decided to call on your own.”

“I’m learning to fend for myself, see?” Avi said as he entered the office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking this far. See you in the last chapter.


	10. Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life goes on.

The contrast of the cold air on Avi’s hot skin was the only thing he could focus on. The sounds around him were dulled, his feet on the ground moved by pure inertia, all he could see was the person running in front of him. Everything else, including his exhaustion, was a blur. All he could think of was taking another step.

Avi just ran. He didn’t know how long it had been now ,distance or timewise, only that it still wasn’t over. So, he just kept running. Part of him knew there was an end ahead, maybe the goal was close, but he tried not to think about it. This wasn’t about the finish line.

A familiar tail appeared right in front of Avi, just three or four meters ahead. He rushed his pace just enough to reach her, not wanting to exhaust himself more than necessary, and nodded at Carey when their eyes finally met. “Hey.”

Carey nodded back. “’Sup.”

Neither of them could talk more in their situation, so they had to leave all the nuances of communication to small gestures and sounds. Avi saw in Carey’s eyes her support and pride, and he hoped she could read his gratefulness and--

“Look front,” she scolded him.

“Right.”

They took a turn, and there it was, the finish line.

“Ready?”

Avi just nodded.

They picked up the pace with all the energy they had left. Even the cold of that winter morning was forgotten in the excitement of finally, after months of work,crossing the finish line.

And then, only as they slowed down, Avi could hear the rest of the world.

“That’s my girlfriend!”

“Hell yeah!”

“YOU GUYS ROCK!”

“Avi! Are you alive?!”

Avi couldn’t answer right away, as he was a little busy catching up to all the exhaustion he hadn’t felt for the past hour.

He felt the weight of a hand on his shoulder, and the amused voice accompanying it said, “Come on, let’s look for a place to sit down before you collapse on the track.”

Avi looked up at Johann. Covered from head to toe in layers upon layers of clothing, it gave Avi a little whiplash. His own body was still burning.

Johann was holding a freshly opened bottle of water, which Avi took gladly and chugged down on their way to the sidewalk. It was the best water Avi ever had.

The rest of his friends made an uproar again when Avi reached them. Magnus had Avi’s coat ready for him, all while Julia took pictures.

“Don’t,” Avi gasped, “I’m a mess.”

“Come on, Avi, this is your first marathon! These are the memories you’ll look upon fondly when you become a professional athlete!”

“I think,” gasp, “I’m a little,” gasp, “far from that goal.”

“No way, man, you crossed the line in sixty ninth place!” Magnus exclaimed.

“Nice,” Avi said. “Wait, really?”

“Nah, I just wanted to make that joke, sorry.”

“I mean,” Killian said, “who knows? Nobody is counting.”

“I’m pretty sure at least two hundred people have crossed the line already,” Johann said.

“Thanks for the confidence,” Avi gasped sarcastically.

Magnus thought long and hard. “You could be the four hundred and twentieth place!”

“I like that one!” Avi exclaimed. He looked at Johann and asked in his most pitiful tone, “Can I have this one?”

Johann scoffed. “You’re a baby. I suppose I don’t have any evidence against that claim.”

Carey gasped loudly for air as she finished her third water bottle. “Man, that was amazing! We really did it!”

“Yeah!” Avi reached for a high five.

“I wouldn’t do that,” Carey said, “I’m staticky as shit.”

Avi retracted his high five, pouting. “Fine, but you owe me one.”

“Sure, sure,” Carey waved him off. “I’m gonna miss our Sunday runs, man. What am I gonna do with all this free time?”

Avi looked at her, mock offended. “What free time? We have to keep running!”

Carey groaned. “Dude, we just finished the run.”

“This run, but we have to get ready for next year! I want that sixty ninth place!”

Carey turned to Magnus while pointing at Avi. “Ugh, look what you did to him!”

“He’s always like this,” Johann said.

“Determined?” Avi asked.

“Annoyingly cheerful. You shouldn’t have this much energy, you literally just ran a marathon.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll collapse just in time for you to carry me upstairs to my apartment.”

“I think I’ll just leave you there.”

“If you guys are done flirting,” Killian said, a couple meters away from when last Avi saw her, “we’re all cold and hungry here.”

Avi cleared his throat and pretended not to notice Johann looking to the side. “Yeah, let’s go.”

Avi put on a jacket before the sweat cooled off and gave him a cold. He nodded to Johann, and they joined the rest of the group for some well deserved lunch.

***

Avi didn’t collapse on the way home. He was still exhausted, but eating well with the rest took most of his exhaustion away. He still wanted to sleep the rest of the day, though.

Johann yawned, then burrowed deeper inside his many layers of clothing. “Ugh, I can’t wait to get home and sleep for a century.”

“And I thought I was tired,” Avi said, amused.

“I had to wake up early to see you, you know? I seriously don’t know how you, Carey and all those people at the marathon lend yourselves to this. It makes me feel baffled."

Avi paused. "Makes you feel?"

Johann groaned, covering his face with his hands. "Ugh, it's Brad's fault. He's making me…” he made a gesture with one hand, “put my emotions into words and shit."

"How dare your therapist ask you to do that."

Johann glared at him.

"Do you _feel_ angry at me?"

"I feel _tired_ of your bullshit."

Avi laughed, but as much fun as it was bullying Johann, it was nice to see him making progress.

Things had changed a lot in these past months. Although it took some time, he and Johann found themselves comfortable in each other's company once again. They had dinner at night, not taking turns for cooking--Avi was adamant on Johann learning how to make something more than instant ramen--and Johann even joined Avi’s friend group and went for drinks with everyone from time to time.

But Johann didn't play for Avi anymore. It was for the best, of course, though Avi would be lying if he said he didn't miss it. They had a lot of time to talk now. Who would've said playing music could take so much time? And it was during one of those conversations when Johann said, almost casually:

“So, how do you go about finding a therapist?”

“Your college roommate drags you there under the promise of ice cream,” Avi said without skipping a beat, his mouth half-full of noodles (homemade, not the hyper-salted biohazard Johann usually bought).

Johann snorted. “That’s not what--wait, Killian tricked you into going to therapy with ice cream?”

“She didn’t _trick_ me,” Avi said, defensively. “I went there with full knowledge. The ice cream was a bribe.”

“Ah.” Johann nodded. “And if you don’t need a bribe?”

Avi shrugged. “Probably the same, though the ice cream is good if you’re having second…” And _then_ Avi realized what Johann meant. “Oh! Like for you!”

“Yep.”

“That's great! It’s a lot easier than you think--I mean, deciding itself is very hard and brave--Not that _not_ deciding makes you a coward--You know, let me just--” He downed the rest of his soup in one big chug. He wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his hoodie and stood up. “I’m going to get my computer.”

They spent the rest of the night going over the process. It wasn't that complicated, but Avi knew how hard it must've for Johann to make that decision, so he wanted to be as thorough as possible.

"If it's just browsing for listings, I can do it in my own spare time," Johann said.

"Sure, but getting a good fit under a tight budget is really tedious, especially considering you're gonna need someone who knows…" Avi cut himself before saying the words, but by the look of Johann's face, it was obvious what he meant. "Sorry, I shouldn't assume."

"It's fine, you're right worrying about that," Johann said. "I'd be lying if I said I'm not doing this because of… that. Even Taako thinks my emotions are a mess, and he's the biggest Drama Queen I've ever met, _and_ I work with _musicians_."

"Wait, you're talking with Taako?" Avi smiled. "You're taking magic classes?"

"It's not, like, a big deal," Johann said, bashful.

“Not a big deal, just dropping two very important things tonight in the middle of conversation like it’s no big deal.” Johann scoffed at that. “Since when? Can you--?

"About two weeks, and no, I can't cast anything yet. Taako is making me read a ton of books on arcane theory first, and it's the worst. I've never read so much before, no wonder all wizards are either nuts or angry all the time."

Avi raised an eyebrow.

Johann sighed. " _I guess_ he's doing me a favor, so I can't complain."

Avi laughed. "It's really cool you're doing this."

"Thanks, but I'm not going to be a great wizard or anything like that. I just want to play music without…" He gestured vaguely at Avi, who laughed in understanding. "Yeah. And, you know, since my magic comes from my emotions it's about time I do something about those too."

"Was it Taako's idea?"

Johann shook his head. "Actually, I've been thinking about this even before the magic class. Ever since our conversation, actually."

"Oh."

"I mean, you're a good example of why therapy is important." He paused. "No offense."

"None taken," Avi laughed. "I'm proud of you, Johann."

Johann blushed, looking to the side. "Don't say that, I haven't even started yet."

"I know," Avi said. "And I mean it."

Johann scoffed. "Whatever.'

In the end, Avi suggested asking Lucretia for a referral, as she was an arcane psychiatrist herself. That's how Johann met Brad, a therapist with a degree in art psychology and moderate arcane knowledge. He seemed like the perfect fit, even if Johann complained about him whenever the subject came up.

"He just makes me f--” Johann cut himself. “He infuriates me, with his positivity and shit."

"Your commitment to not let any of it rub off on you is admirable."

"I'm serious, I wish I had a strict therapist like you. Actually, why am I stuck with Dr. Good Vibes and you get Madam Serious? Feels like someone mixed us up."

"I think the entire point of therapy is to get matched with someone as different from you as possible."

"Is it, though? You yourself said Brad was good for me because we are both 'artsy types'. Just so you know, writing motivational speeches is _not_ what I imagined when you told me he did creative writing."

Avi laughed loudly at that. It earned him a nasty look from the landlord, who was sweeping the entrance to their building just as they entered. "If he's really not working for you, you can always transfer, you know?"

"I didn't say he's not working.” Johann groaned. “He’s actually good at what he does, and that makes it worse."

"I'm glad to hear that!" Avi said earnestly.

Johann smiled despite himself.

When they got to Avi’s door, he said, "I'd ask you if you want to come in, but I think I'm going to collapse on the floor after I take a step inside."

"That's alright, I'm in the same boat."

"Then I'll see you for dinner!" Avi said cheerfully.

"Actually," Johann said. His tone was lighter, even nervous. It made Avi look up in curiosity. "I have to meet up with Kravitz tonight, so I won't be able to join you."

"Oh, that's fine! I didn't know you had classes on Sundays too."

"It's not that," Johann went on. He took a moment before finally saying, "I'm gonna do it. The thing I told you about."

Avi opened his eyes wide. "You mean tomorrow?"

"No, no,” Johann said quickly. “This Friday."

"That's awesome! I can't wait."

"Yeah, me neither," Johann said, smiling widely. "So, yeah, I won't take more of your nap time."

"See you tomorrow for breakfast?" Avi asked with a pleading smile.

Johann sighed, pretending to be exasperated. "I guess I can get up early _again_. Are you making pancakes?"

"Of course."

"Then see you tomorrow."

Johann climbed the stairs, and Avi finally dug out his keys and opened his door.

He didn't collapse on the floor. Avi didn't remember the last time he felt this excited about something, and that gave him enough energy to reach his room. He managed to undress and text everyone before falling asleep:

<>

***

Neverwinter was, ironically, very cold during the winter.

It even snowed earlier in the day, something that still amazed Avi. His hometown never got anything beyond rain, which was perfect for the crops that gave it its name. _Brandybuck, we make bucks with brandy._

"Ugh," Killian groaned loudly. "I can't believe you're still making that joke."

"It's not a joke, it's the motto of my hometown."

"I seriously hope it's not."

“It is! It’s on the entrance sign and everything.”

"That shit can't be legal," Carey added, still grimacing.

"And what about naming a city Neverwinter when it snows?" Avi retorted. "That's false advertising."

"All city planners do is fuck up bus schedules and lie," Killian said. Both Avi and Carey nodded.

Enough time had passed since the snow for the way to the park to be clear, thanks to all the people who walked around this road during the day. It was still slippery, though, so they had to tread very carefully.

“Isn’t all this snow bad, though?” Carey said. “My brother is a musician and he’s very picky about playing outside. Instruments can break and shit.”

“I was worried about that too,” Avi said, “but Johann has been going over the weather all week, and he assures me as long as the humidity stays low he should be fine. Also, the weather said there wouldn’t be more snow until tomorrow.”

“I heard there was a small chance for snow later today,” Killian said.

Avi frowned. “That can’t be right.”

“No, she’s right,” Carey added. She browsed inside her coat pocket and got a small foldable umbrella. “I even brought an umbrella today! The weather guy was very insistent.”

“Well, your weather guy was wrong. I’ve checked the weather every day and there’s no chance for snow tonight.”

“Who’s your weather guy?”

“Google.”

The girls rolled their eyes.

“What, you think the internet would lie to me? On Johann’s first solo concert?”

“You’re right,” Killian said in a painfully sarcastic tone. “Everybody knows the weather is very respectful of people’s special days.”

“GUYS! OVER HERE!”

Magnus’ voice cut to them through the half-block of distance separating them from the park. The only thing Avi could see from this far was a spot of reddish brown hair, and he only recognized it as Magnus because he kept waving his arms around. Gods knew how this man managed to recognize them. They waved back at him.

Avi could also distinguish the other figures around him. Julia must have been the one next to him, and a couple meters behind he could spot an all-black figure, most definitely Kravitz, accompanied by the contrasting purple of his husband, Taako. There was a tall, green skinned man a little to the side, who Avi could only assume was Brad, Johann’s therapist. And speak of the devil…

“Johann!” Avi said when he finally spotted that unmistakable mess of hair. He didn’t hear him, of course, Avi didn’t have Magnus’ lungs, but that didn’t make him less excited to see him. He picked up the pace and-

_Slip._

“Watch-”

Avi fell face first into the ground.

“- out,” Killian finished. She sighed, “You alright?”

“Yep,” Avi whined. “Just hit myself on the hard and cold ground. Am I bleeding?”

“Not that I can see from here.”

“Then I’m good! Help me get up, please?”

A cautiously slow walk later, Avi and the girls were finally at the park. They entered through the southern side, where a bunch of gazebos stood along the park, available for people to rent. Kravitz was able to get Johann permission to play in one today, thanks to his ties with city management. The place wasn’t too big, really, it was mostly to assure Johann could play with a ceiling above him and his violin. Everyone else would be sitting on the chairs set around it.

This time, Johann heard them arrive before Avi called out to him. When he turned, he was smiling wide. “Hey,” he said as he approached Avi. “You made it.”

“You kidding? I wouldn’t miss this for anything in the world.” 

“I know, and I wouldn’t start without you here,” Johann said, still smiling.

Avi felt as happy as Johann looked. Seeing him like this was so rare, it was adorable, moving his hands around like he couldn’t contain himself, his face a little reddened by the cold, his hair a mess under the wind and snow… snow?

“Why’s there snow in your hair?”

Johann immediately ran a hand through his hair. “Ah, I fell when we got here. I was so nervous I didn’t look at the ground and slipped.”

Avi pointed at his face. “I slipped too!”

Johann laughed. “Is that why you’re bleeding?”

“WHAT?! Killian said I wasn’t-!”

“Avi, I’m fucking with you.”

“Oh!” Avi laughed nervously. “Right. You’re an asshole.”

“I’m an asshole.”

“Johann!” The Orc guy sitting close to them exclaimed. “What have we said about using negative words to refer to yourself?” Yep, that was definitely Brad.

Johann stuttered. “But Avi started-”

“ _Johann_.”

Johann sighed loudly. “I’ll be kinder to myself.”

Brad gave him a thumbs up and went back to his business.

Johann grimaced. “See what I have to deal with,” he whispered.

“Sounds terrible,” Avi said. And speaking of therapists, Avi saw Lucretia enter the park just then. "Oh, I gotta go real quick."

"Of course," Johann said, eyeing Lucretia. "I have to set up to start anyway. Talk to you after the concert."

"Good luck. Break a leg!"

“That’s for theatre.”

But Avi was already on his way to Lucretia.

She made a beeline to the front row of seats, and she smiled at Avi when she saw him.

"Hey, doc!" Avi greeted her. “Good to see you here.”

“It’s nice to see you too.” She looked at Johann, who was now talking to Kravitz on the gazebo. “And it’s nice that I finally get to meet the subject of our sessions for the past months.”

A wave of heat rushed to Avi’s face. “We’ve talked about _other_ things. It’s not like I’m obsessed with him anymore.”

“Anymore?”

Avi cleared his throat. “Anyway, please don’t say those things when you talk to him.”

Lucretia laughed. “I’m legally bound to you, as my patient, but I wouldn’t say anything even if that weren’t the case. You can relax, Avi, why don’t you sit?”

Avi took her offer and let himself fall on the seat next to her.

“How are you feeling?” She asked.

Avi exhaled loudly. “A little anxious, if I’m being honest,” he said. “Like, I’m happy, I think? Yeah, I do feel happy for him, and it’s really cool that everyone could make it. But I can’t help this growing sense of worry. I haven’t listened to his music in months, and I have no idea what it’s gonna do to me.”

“From what Brad tells me, he’s gotten a better hold of his magic powers now.”

“But he still can’t fully control them.”

“No, I don’t think that’s gonna be possible this soon.”

Avi leaned closer to her. “Is this alright? For me to be sitting here, first row, just ready to receive it?”

“That’s why I’m here,” Lucretia said, her hands glowing faintly, “to keep you safe.”

Avi smiled. That did reassure him a lot. “Thank you”

Lucretia raised an eyebrow. “But there’s still something bothering you, right?”

She was good. Avi laughed. “I thought you said no counseling today.”

“I’m just asking as a friend.”

“Right, of course.” Avi sighed. “I feel a little guilty.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I was kinda hoping it would feel the same as it used to.”

“Ah,” Lucretia nodded.

“That’s bad, right?”

“It’s normal to feel that way,” Lucretia said, cautiously, making sure she was being clear as she spoke. “You just need to remember why it had to stop.”

Avi breathed in, deep. “Yes, I know.”

“If I may have your attention.”

Everyone turned to Kravitz, who was standing at the entrance to the gazebo. He wore casual clothing today--well, semi-formal would be the right way to put it. Avi wondered if this man ever wore t-shirts. Still, Avi could almost picture him with a conductor stick in hand. He was there just to help Johann set up, but a man like Kravitz was so used to the stage it was easy to picture him as part of the show anywhere he went.

“Please take a seat, everyone. In the name of Neverwinter Orchestra’s finest violin, I would like to welcome you all to our first street-concert. Please mute your devices, and I hope you enjoy the show.”

With this said, Kravitz took a seat on the other side of the first row, next to his husband. Everyone clapped after him.

Now, the only person standing in their corner of the park was Johann. He walked to the center of the gazebo and cleared his throat. “Erm, hi,” he said, uncharacteristically shy. He was holding the violin in his left hand and bow in the right, and the only thing between him and the audience was a music stand. He wore more formal clothing than Kravitz, which Avi thought suited him well. Combined with that honest smile made Avi melt…

 _That ship already sailed,_ Avi told himself.

Things just didn’t work out that way after Avi’s crash, understandably so. The timing wasn’t really great for either of them. Johann was working on a lot of personal stuff these past months, and Avi was still on the road to his own wellbeing.

Still, Avi could never bring himself to forget completely about the short time they spent together.

But today wasn’t about that. It was Johann’s moment, and what he needed was a friend. Just how he was there for Avi after the marathon, Avi was here for him.

“Today I want to play for you my own repertoire,” he went on. “This is very close to my heart. I’ve been writing music since I was a twenty-something-years-old kid. Most of them have been revised, with the help of my conductor. Just some general polish here and there, to make them more… listenable.” He had trouble finding the last word, as he probably meant more than just a quality check. “So, yeah, here goes.”

The first notes of _Solitude_ broke through the silence. Not a strong, raw emotion. This time, it was just music.

And yes, there was nothing special about it. A simple piece with an unremarkable melody. But in the hands of Johann, it was brought to life. The speed of the bow, the high pitched cries mixed in with the low growls of the strings meeting bow hair. And Johann knew exactly when to press harder or softer. When to stop, when to let go. It might not be an amazing piece, but it was Johann’s piece, and no one could play it like him.

This was the work Johann had put in these past months. With Kravitz and Taako’s help, Johann was able to play with no traces of magic in it.

Still, just to be safe, Avi looked at Lucretia. She nodded at him, and all the worry left in Avi’s mind finally vanished.

As Johann’s concert went on, people from the park slowly joined in, curious at the display. Not everyone stayed, some barely showed more interest beyond a quick glance as they passed by, but a good number of them stayed. Before the show was over, all the seats had been taken, and a small crowd of standing people had formed around them.

Avi felt a little overwhelmed by the mixing emotions inside of him. Happiness from seeing Johann play. Pride from the success this had been. Nostalgia for their first days together, when Johann’s music had been an important part of Avi’s life. Even the loss of knowing that Avi would never get to understand Johann as well as he had back then.

The music today was very different from the one played in summer, in more ways than one. Avi and Johann were different too. But they were still together, and that was all that mattered.

The last piece came to an end, and after a pause, Johann looked up from his music stand. He was staring right at Avi as he smiled.

The crowd around applauded. It was a polite clap, not too enthusiastic, but not quiet either. It seemed appropriate for the size of this little concert.

Johann bowed, his training as a performer overcoming his initial shyness. Johann waited until the crowd quieted down to speak up. "Thank you all for-"

"ENCORE!" Magnus' loud voice interrupted him. He started chanting in time as he clapped, like he was in a rock concert and not in the middle of the park listening to someone play the violin. Johann was so shocked by this, not even knowing how to react.

Then, Avi joined in. Why not? They weren’t at the conservatory anyway. And then the crowd joined too. Kravitz covered his face with one hand.

“Um, alright,” Johann said, barely loud enough for everyone to hear. The crowd fell silent again and he took a deep breath before continuing. “I only have one piece left, so don’t expect a second encore, okay? This is actually very new, barely two months old, and I haven’t had a chance to practice it much, so I apologize in advance if it sounds unfinished.”

Avi sat up straight. Was he gonna play…?

Johann looked briefly at him. He looked really nervous.

Avi gave him a reassuring smile, hoping to communicate all his support.

It was enough for Johann. He brought the violin to his shoulder, breathed in deep, and played.

The soft yet cheerful melody of Johann’s unnamed composition seemed to lighten up the park itself as he played. A fast paced dance that told a story, a feeling. Not like a charm, but as an expression of Johann’s own heart. 

Now that Avi knew what went into composing his music, hearing something like this was a relief. Of course, Avi would never know what emotions brought up into him to write this, but it was still--

Something tugged at his arm. Avi turned around to see Lucretia holding him. “What’s wrong?” He asked.

Lucretia looked at him with… urgency? Her expression was serious. She was just about to say something when she cut herself after taking a proper look at Avi. After a moment, she spoke up. “You don’t feel it?”

Avi stared at her, confused. “Feel what?”

Lucretia just kept looking at Avi, like she was studying him.

And now that Avi wasn’t completely focused on Johann, he noticed something strange in the crowd around them.

Everyone was smiling.

Big smiles, soft smiles, shy smiles. Old and young people alike. To his left, Magnus and Julia stared at each other, a kind look in their eyes. Killian’s usually neutral expression was relaxed, and Carey was leaning against her with a toothful smile. Even Kravitz seemed to be under this great mood.

Johann was charming them. That was the only explanation, why else would Lucretia react the way she did? Avi looked at her again, but all the worry in her was gone now.

“I see,” she said, and was that relief Avi heard in her voice? She didn’t say anything else to him, instead turning towards Johann, a knowing smile on her face.

Avi really wanted to ask what was going on… but Johann was still playing. If he wasn’t affected by this, whatever it was, then maybe it didn’t really matter. He would take this opportunity to enjoy the show as much as he could.

When the music ended, this time, it didn’t make itself wait for an applause.

Johann bowed to everyone again, then quickly said, “Thank you so much,” and walked out of the gazebo with his violin in hand before a second encore ensued.

But he didn’t have to worry about it. Magnus seemed a little distracted at the moment to incite more chaos in the public as it was.

“That was amazing!” He was saying to Julia.

“See? This is why you don’t sleep during concerts.”

They were holding hands.

Next to them, Carey was speaking, arms crossed, “Fine, I guess I see what all the fuss was about.”

Killian didn’t answer beyond extending an arm and bringing Carey closer to her. Carey laughed at this.

Avi turned to the seat next to him, only to find it empty. Lucretia was already up, walking towards Brad.

Avi called for her. “Hey, doc.”

Lucretia turned around and smiled at him. “Yes?”

“Did I miss something? This thing, everyone just now, are they…?”

“They’re not charmed,” Lucretia said calmly, “and neither are you, fortunately.”

Avi sighed in relief. That was good. “But, just now, there was something magical going on, right?”

“Yes. Not as strong as the music he used to play for you, though. This was barely noticeable for anyone who wasn’t actively expecting something like I was.”

“Oh… so, this wasn’t dangerous?”

“Not over this amount of time,” Lucretia explained, “but I’m still going to talk about it with Brad. I’m sure he noticed as well.”

“Okay, yeah, that sounds good,” Avi said, though he still had a lot on his mind.

Of course, Lucretia noticed. She turned around fully, then asked. “Is there anything else you want to ask?”

“Why didn’t it affect me?”

Lucretia smiled. “It didn’t need to.”

Avi took in those words, standing there as Lucretia nodded goodbye and walked towards Brad.

Before he fully understood what Lucretia had meant by that, Avi noticed the music stand, alone at the center of the gazebo, still holding Johann’s sheet music. He picked it up, trying to figure out how to fold it, but ultimately giving up and just carrying everything he could outside. Hopefully nobody would steal the violin case in the ten seconds it’ll take him to reach Johann, who was talking to Taako now.

“I know. I wasn’t prepared, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, my man, it was a dope ass show,” Taako was telling him. His music appropriate language made Kravitz cringe a little.

“It wasn’t bad for your first unofficial concert,” Kravitz said, “but we still have a lot of work to do on your repertoire.”

“Yes, sir,” Johann said. It still shocked Avi to see him agree with Kravitz so easily. “Should I just turn over all my instruments to you? Considering you already took the pen from my hands while I was writing, I figure this could save both of us the time.” Aaaand there it was that attitude again.

Before Kravitz could get back at him, Avi stepped forward and set the music stand in the middle of the group. “Hey, man! You forgot this back there.”

“Oh, shit, thank you,” Johann said.

“You left the stage so quickly, anyone would think you’d be used to the cheers by now,” Avi joked.

“No, he’s always the first to leave,” Kravitz said, channeling his previous ire into antagonizing Johann. And thus, the balance in the world was restored.

Avi turned around to let them get at each other, but was surprised to see some people from the crowd gathered around the forgotten violin case, now turned into a tip box.

Johann noticed this too, and tried to say something just too late. “That’s not… ah, forget it. Thank you, people.”

“Art has to be compensated!” Avi tried to justify. “That’s totally why I left it there.”

“Hey, I’m not gonna turn away free money,” Johann said.

Kravitz sighed, but he didn’t say anything against it, so both Avi and Johann took it as a win.

***

The concert hadn’t been long, as far as classical concerts were, but it still was relatively late when Johann had finished playing. Most of the people had left and only close friends remained. Lucretia was the first to go home after briefly introducing herself to Johann and complimenting him for the concert, followed shortly by Brad, who couldn’t stop telling Johann how proud he felt until the very last moment. Kravitz and Taako had to get their kid from his afternoon advanced class, and Magnus and Julia had to take care of their dogs. Only Carey and Killian stayed to walk home with them.

“Don’t fall on the way home!” Carey said when they parted ways. Avi flipped her off, but the effect was lessened by the fact he was wearing mittens.

Johann scoffed. “Like she’s never fallen on ice before.”

“Eh, I don’t know, she’s superhuman.”

“She’s a Dragonborn.”

“I mean--” Avi stuttered. “You know what I mean!”

Johann laughed. “Let’s go, I’m starting to freeze.”

The last lights of the day were gone, but the street wasn’t dark. It never got truly dark here in the city. The way from the park to their apartments was along the riverside, one of the main streets of Neverwinter, so they were well lit in their walk.

Neverwinter really was a beautiful city. It was very different from Brandybuck, but Avi was finally starting to think of this place as his second home. After all, Avi had been living here for almost two years. It still felt too big for him sometimes, but the idea of finding out what else this place had to offer excited him. He’d heard there was a spring run in another park near the edge of town. He’d have to check that out.

“Thanks again for being here,” Johann said as they walked. He wasn’t smiling anymore, too much in one day wouldn’t be good for his grumpy health, but he still seemed to be in a good mood.

Avi wasn’t out of smiles yet, so he flaunted one that would shine for the both of them, and said, “No problem, dude. Like I said, I wouldn’t miss this for anything in the world. It was nice to hear you play again.”

“I know, but I _feel_ like…” He trailed off as he saw the way Avi was looking at him, then glared. “Shut up, I’m opening my heart here.”

“Sorry,” Avi laughed. “Go on.”

“I was a little scared, earlier, that something would go wrong.”

Avi nodded. “I feel you, that’s a very normal way to feel, even for an experienced performer like--”

“No, I mean,” Johann said, “about you. I was scared of hurting you again.”

Ah, so Avi wasn’t the only one thinking about it.

It was comforting, in a way, but also heartbreaking. Avi already felt guilty enough for mistrusting Johann, all while Johann had him in mind all this time. Of course he would. Avi knew Johann cared about him as much as he did.

“I was really close to cancelling a bunch of times this week, you know?” Johann went on. “I’m still a complete magic beginner. The only reason I didn’t bail out today was because Brad was pushing so hard on me to try this, for my own good and shit.”

“And was it good?”

“So good!” Johann exclaimed. “Did you see how many people showed up?”

“I know!” Avi exclaimed too. “See? You don’t need any magic to make people come to listen to your show.”

Johann’s expression soured a little bit. “But I did, in the end.”

“Oh, right.”

“God, did I just charm a bunch of people into giving me money? That’s definitely illegal.” He laughed at his own words. “At least I know you actually like me for my music.”

“Yeah! Of course I do!”

Johann looked at Avi, cautious. “You didn’t…?”

“No,” Avi said quickly. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t feel it this time either.”

“It’s fine,” Johann said, as quickly as him. “It’s for the best.”

There was an air of acceptance in Johann’s words, almost like… resignation. Was he, too, aware that the bond he and Avi shared months ago would never be the same? _It’s for the best_ , he said, probably referring to Avi’s health.

Avi tried to remind himself of that as the questions in his head remained. But why didn’t the magic affect him when it did everyone else? And what was it they felt? Everyone looked so happy.

Avi shook his head at that thought. So what? He already liked Johann’s music, and he did have a great time at the concert without it. He didn’t need magic to feel like that.

Wait.

_“Why didn’t it affect me?”_

_Lucretia smiled. “It didn’t need to.”_

“Ugh, are you kidding?” Johann groaned, glaring at the air in front of him. A lonely snowflake fell to the ground. “The internet said there wouldn’t be more snow today--”

“That’s it!” Avi exclaimed, scaring the bejesus out of Johann.

“Holy fuck, man. It’s just the weather.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just,” gods, how to even start? “I’ve been thinking about this a lot. Your magic has the power to _change_ people’s emotions, right?”

“I… guess?”

“But what if someone already felt what your music was about? What happens then?”

“I don’t know, dude, I’m still in the early years of magic history.”

“Johann,” Avi said, more serious than he’d ever been in his life. “Your last piece. What is it about?”

Johann froze. “W-what?”

“Because I think,” Avi said, talking fast, finally able to make sense of the one thing that had been bothering him these past months, “it didn’t affect me because it didn’t need to. Don’t you see? You tried to charm me--unwillingly, I know, I don’t hold it against you--into feeling something I already _felt_!”

A proper snowfall had begun around them, white and blue snowflakes that came in and out of sight as they reached the streetlights on the riverside. A couple snowflakes had fallen on Johann’s shoulders and hair, but he didn’t seem to notice. Avi was probably the same. He couldn’t care less right now.

“Do you get what I’m saying?” He asked, laughed at his own failure earlier to get it himself. “It was right in front of us, this whole time! So, please, could you tell me what it’s about?”

Johann was looking right at him, eyes wide open. Under this light, they looked even glassy, like he was about to cry. “ _Avi..._ ”

“I know this is something important to you,” Avi pleaded, “but don’t feel you have to hide it from me, for whatever reason...”

“ _Avi._ ”

“... Because I’ll understand, I _know_ I will. You can’t share your emotions with me anymore, but just this once I can say, with complete certainty, that I feel the same--”

“ _Avi!_ ”

“What?”

“No, I mean,” Johann said, and he was smiling, almost laughing, when he finally explained, “that’s the name of the piece.”

Avi forgot everything he was about to say.

“It was supposed to be a confession,” Johann said. He was crying. He was _laughing_. “I thought, you know, I’m not good with words, so I did this thing, this _whole fucking thing_ for you! And I was so heartbroken, thinking you didn’t get it, feeling like the biggest idiot in the world, when all this time _you’ve felt the same?_ ”

“So does that mean--?”

Johann was already kissing him. Right there, in the middle of the night, out in the cold under a snowfall. And he was laughing. And Avi also was laughing, because of how silly all of it was. How simple.

But life was all about the simple things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was very personal to me, in an embarrassingly obvious way. I experimented a lot with the plot, got a little away from my comfort zone and just let the story happen. But I'm happy with it. If you found value in this, be it a way to reflection or just some mean to pass the time, then that's enough for me.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I hope we meet again soon.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](https://avijohann.tumblr.com) for more Johavi and TAZ content.


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